To Medicate or not... Aye thats the quesiton

[RuddBaron]

Fear not. This isn't a post about ADHD. In response to the following segment, "Spurred by the pain of hitting the fence, Ken came off it and unloaded a single right hook on the other boy that nearly broke his jaw. Both boys got ISS, the other boy got 2 days for starting it and my son got 3 because he did really hurt the kid," I will say the following: This is part of the problem with society today. One is punished for self defense? If your son had just taken the abuse, the other kid would have been the only one to be punished. Hmm...now what's wrong with that picture? It sounds a lot like the way I understand French kids were taught prior to Hitler's invasion, where the German youth were taught just the opposite. It made for a relatively easy invasion. Do we really want our youth taught to be doormats and pushovers? I much prefer a peaceful solution to problems and avoiding a fight if possible. Especially under the scrutiny of peer pressure, walking away is often more difficult. But, there are sometimes (as in the event you described) that there really is no choice. If a kid is being picked on by a bully and just walks away, the bully keeps on. While the kid might be able to continue walking away, there is only one way to stop the bully from continuing the harassment over time, and that's to fight back.

 

It would be nice if tthe school system actually did something about the problems. Usually what happens is that the bad kids get ignored, but let one good kid defend himself, and he is sent up the detention river, or worse.

[SagerScout]

Ruddbaron - I must admit I agree with you, which is why there was no at-home punishment for Ken over this incident. Actually, to be honest, we told him he'd done rather well as he'd been trying to avoid this problem with this kid for a week or more.

 

Our policy has always been "don't fight if you can possibly avoid it - fighting is not recreation - but if you need to protect yourself, do it."

 

Zero-tolerance rules in Texas force the local school administrators to do stupid things rather regularly. Like suspending a teen for sharing her asthma inhaler with her asthmatic friend who was in severe breathing distress on an hour-long bus ride. An hour is too long to wait to breathe, people! The parents of the ill child begged for leniency as they felt that their child would have been in dire danger otherwise- but no, we have strict rules about prescription drugs and the individual situation cannot be considered.

 

 

[RuddBaron]

Ah, you're in TEXAS. I am familiar with their nonsensical zero tolerance policies. Those are getting more common. They're quite bad in general, as they serve as a deterrent to risk taking and creativity. They say that failure is simply not tolerated. If you can't accept failure as a risk to something like, say, an invention, then you're not likely going to attempt the invention. This nation was built by risk takers, and it is now being harmed by the zero tolerance risk averse.

 

As for the medication, what was the child supposed to do? Let the other one die? Do we punish those who try to help other people? Perhaps we Scouts ought to watch out........

[scoutmom]

AAH, a subject near and dear to my heart. First, let me say that my 11 year old son was diagnosed with ADHD in kindergarten, and as I educated myself about ADHD I realized, he had the classic symptoms while in the womb!

 

Next, I want to say, THANK YOU LAURAT7 and DSTEELE!! It always does me good to hear from adults with ADD/ADHD that they have adjusted and learned to cope with their challanges. Laura, your description of being able to hold a thought long enough to act on it is so dead on! It gives me hope that Jon will continue to adjust to this difference in his life.

 

My son began medication in the middle of second grade and we saw an immediate response. It did not change his personality, his quirky sense of humor or his talkativeness or his annoying need to always be right! But it did allow him to focus enough to get his work done in a timely manner. To sit through an assembly without feeling the need to get up and walk around the room. We have made some changes in his meds over the years, some good, some not so good. I think of it as a work in progress. Just because something worked last year, doesn't mean it will work now. I definately have learned to be flexible with a child with ADHD.

 

To get back to the original question, I have seen some kids react to meds differently. My son is on Adderall and we have had success with it. We did switch to Adderall XR (extended release over 12 hours), but I was not happy with the side effects. He became depressed and found no joy in anything. We switched back to regular Adderal, and he was himself again. He has never appeared "drugged" or out of it. I would assume that if a child were to display those symptoms, that they might not be on the correct medication or the dosage needs to be adjusted. Let me add, that I would never suggest to a parent or guardian that a childs medication was incorrect, however, I would not feel awkward in telling them what I observed. "Joey seemed tired, distracted, upset, etc, etc...." I want and welcome input from my son's teachers, day care providers, friends parents and his Scout Leaders. Their input helps me pin point when and where he is having difficulty.

 

I can certainly tell when my child has had or has not had his meds. It is more difficult for me to tell in other children, because I am not around them as much. Ther are some kids who I think should be on meds! LOL

 

And my final words are about those Moms (and Dads) who coddle their children. As a single parent of an only child, my relationship with my son is very close. We are all each other has. Sometimes that's wonderful, and sometimes its not. The transition to Boy Scouts has been much harder for me than it has been for my son. He loves the independence and the opportunity to get away from Mom. In my defense, I know my son and if he is unhappy/uncomfortable/unsure of himself in a given situation, he will not want to go back and repeat that activity/camping trip/etc. I have gotten better since March, but I admit I did go back home from summer camp and bring him his pillow. I did not want him to have any excuses (he is very good at excuses) to not have a good time. I will not do that next summer. He packs his own things, but I do check them. Call me co-dependent if you want to. I'm trying hard to let go, and I think I'm doing a decent job. I resisted the temptation to go visit at summer camp and I havn't been on one camping trip yet. It's killing me, but I know it's doing him good.

 

 

[Fat Old Guy]

Scoutmom,

 

Don't deny yourself the pleasure of Summer Camp or camping trips, the opportunity to study "boyology," as Baden-Powell called it.

 

The trick is to not be a parent while you are there. It is a difficult task but it can be done. First, you don't want to hover around your son. Secondly, you need to tell your son that he isn't supposed to be hanging around the adult area unless it is pressing business.

 

At summer camp, some days my son would save me a seat next to him and other days he wouldn't. No big deal.

 

It takes some doing but it can be done.

 

[LauraT7]

Scoutmom -

 

I would agree with Fat old Guy - don't deny yourself the fun of doing scout stuff WITH your son. If he likes his new-found independance - that's GREAT! You don't have to go on every trip or participate in everything - but I don't know any troops that couldn't use another adult somewhere, sometime.

 

Our troop just got back from an AWESOME canoe trip weekend - and in order to make it happen, we had to pull from some adults that usually don't participate in campouts. One was a Mom like you - had been very active in Cubs, and was still real active in her daughter's Girl Scout Troop - but her son "liked his independance" in boy scouts. her son's been in for 3 yrs - he's the same grade as my son - and while I'm sure he DOES like his 'freedom' of being away from Mom and Dad on campouts - in this case, if she had not benn able to come, NO ONE would have gone.

 

As it was, she had a great time, and her son really enjoyed having her along. Now she doesn't have to come along ALL the time; but once in awhile is nice for both of them. She got to see how he does on campouts, he got to show off his skills for Mom, the other boys and leaders really enjoyed her company - it was a great deal all around.

 

 

[scoutmom]

I don't intend to completely cut myself off from my son's Scouting experience. I just feel that this first year is very important. I want him to find his way and establish relationships in the Troop withour him looking to me for approval/reassurance. I need him to learn to trust and rely on his leaders, not his Mom. So far, it's working out well. He has "found his niche" in the Troop and is working on some personal relationships, which is often hard for kids with ADHD. He has established a great relationship with the SM and one other ASM in particular and good relationships with most of the other leaders. I'm proud of how he has acclimated on his own. I't been a good lesson for him.

 

I'll be out there with him when the opportunity arises. Right now I have my hands full with some additional Scouting responsibilities of my own. I am taking Woodbadge and I have also agreed to take a position on our District Committee. Lots for me to do in the upcoming months!