Betrayal

[Engineer61]

"I spent a HUGE amount of time with one lad who, I later found out, was only coming long enough to collect his parental bribe. I felt betrayed."

 

This has come up a couple of times. Kid being bribed/coerced to stay in Scouts, or get Eagle. I've run across it myself in baseball and band.

 

So, my question is: "Who's the betrayer?" The parents for putting up the bribe, or the kid that sees the pot of gold and goes for it? Granted, neither are rousing examples of good character.

 

 

[Scoutfish]

I don't know...If the only reason he got into scouting in the fist place was because of an objective his partents set...I don't think it would be betrayal so mush as a mission.

 

I guess it comes down to this: The scout didn't join as a favor to me or because he owed it to me.

 

Not personal.

 

Maybe it's not so different than me accepting a job from another company due to better pay, optons, benefits, etc.... Am I betraying my old boss or company?

 

Since it is work, isn't my financial welfare who I really owe my loyalty to?

 

I mean, as a leader, it would still totally suck, but if I wasn't specifically and personally the reason he joined scouting, I couldn't take it personal.

[desertrat77]

Betrayal? None.

 

A good scouting program will benefit every scout, regardless of the reason why he showed up. Maybe the scout won't feel that way now, but in retrospect.

 

I think alot of these kids who are forced into sports, scouting, etc., are just doing the best they can. Coping. What else are they going to do: turn down the money and stay home with fuming parents?

[Eagle732]

Eagle or no drivers license, one of the oldest bribes in the book. I've seen it on several occasions.

Can't really blame the parents, they want their son to stay in scouts.

Can't blame the scout, he's just playing by the rules set by his parents.

I just maintain the same standards.

[qwazse]

Not betrayal. But those "Eagle or bust" parents were the ones who blew the most smoke when our crew was starting. Fears that their son will be distracted by all "those girls," etc ....

 

Well I kind of understand how they feel. And sometimes they're right. Sometimes a boy needs to learn to stick with something even when he's not feeling like it. In those cases I tell the boy that his folks just want him to get the most out of life.

 

Sometimes the boy is already spread so thin, the parents don't realize that they are breeding the resentment that we leaders and coaches can cut with a knife even when words aren't said. In those cases, I've told the kid, "As long as you're not robbing liquor stores to buy drugs, I'll be proud of you."

[Tampa Turtle]

I try to treat them all the same but when their is not enough time you hope you make the right investment.

[Stosh]

I'm a bit in agreement with Tampa. Too often we put all our eggs in one basket and when things don't work out it seems like a big disappointment. I have found that a diversified portfolio is the only way to go. There are no SM-pets in any of the troop I served. Everyone got the same training, opportunities, and development. That way if one boy bails on the program there are 2-3 others that can step in ready to go. If everyone has the same training the only variable is experience and the new boy taking over will start accumulating his own immediately.

 

Stosh

[Basementdweller]

Problem is we can't keep boys over 13 because of sports and the NYLT training is first class and 14.....

 

 

so we are kinda forced into the all the eggs in one basket scenerio.

[Engineer61]

"Sometimes a boy needs to learn to stick with something even when he's not feeling like it."

 

My view ... kids have a whole adult lifetime to do stuff he'll not want to do. So why the rush to start it early. If it really makes my kid's life miserable then it's not a positive.

 

 

 

 

[Eagledad]

>>My view ... kids have a whole adult lifetime to do stuff he'll not want to do. So why the rush to start it early. If it really makes my kid's life miserable then it's not a positive.

[blw2]

I understand and agree with the OP's premise.....

But I also sort of get the parent's position. I haven't run into this yet, but I can imagine a kid... he's content doing whatever at home. The parent just wants him or her to try something different to see if he likes it....something to change the pattern, expend his/her horizons, etc... The kid has no interest, but it really how does he/she know if they've nevered tried it?.... So a parent would have to force, bribe, or otherwise scheme.... Not the most noble thing, but it might be well intentioned.

[Engineer61]

"The kid has no interest, but it really how does he/she know if they've nevered tried it?.... So a parent would have to force, bribe, or otherwise scheme.... Not the most noble thing, but it might be well intentioned."

 

So the solution to this is to throw a gambit of possibilities for the kids to choose from.

 

Sports

Music

Scouting

School Clubs

 

Most kids making Eagle in our troop are under 15 (most are 14) ... so the Driver's License thing doesn't seem to come up.

 

Although the way mine is going, it might ... just not by me.