When would you not let your scout go?

[MoosetheItalianBlacksmith]

Clear up a few things I am in college for welding and doing relatively well. But I still see friends as much as I did before and am really swamped with homework.

 

My mother assumes that because she didnt see me talk with friend that means I didnt. Which as many people know is not always the case. As she mentioned homework takes me at least twice as long as anybody else therefore Would skip going to friends houses because there generally was work that needed to be done....but I also needed to relax once in awhile so Id take a break and then return to work later. Ive gone to friends houses and they come to mine only to do homework while with them. (Not very friendly or fun)

 

My fianc and I did talk (mainly through email) more than my mother is apparently aware of. We also talked in school in between classes. There was a delay in talking because I had lost phone number and Email address and was afraid to tell her I had done so. But I found them and immediately started communicating more with her.

 

boy scouts was not in order to get me a social life because at that time I was a lot more comfortable with people and had fun with other people (I have been in since tigers)...when the homework really started to cramp on me and my social life I had already been it for multiple years.

 

[moosetracker]

No, I put you in the cub scouts Tiger program for a social life!! I was concerned about you not seeing kids your age(especially other boys as there were some older girls in the neighborhood) due to being an only child and living in the boonies.. Your father wasn't so gung-ho on Cub Scout because he feared you would burn out before boy scouts..

 

You didn't want to be in Tigers because it was not your decision, and you already had stubborn, rebellious and pain-in-the-but down before first grade.. Even before you could talk..

 

Don't know if you stayed after Tigers because you loved summer camp, or because you were pacified that it was now your choice. Why you stayed in and are still involved are your reasons, and I can believe is not for a social life.. But, you were put into CS in Tigers for a social outlet..

 

So the story is you lost her number... Ok.. If she believes that one, good for you!!!...

[drmbear]

I actually really liked Beavah's response to this one. I'd like to take it a little further, though. Before I ever had kids, I had dogs, and I learned to train them really well. One of the most important lessons I learned about training dogs is that you can only teach them what you want them to do, not what you don't want them to do. Try telling a dog to NOT sit, NOT come, NOT lie down, etc., and the dog does those things. The same thing applies to kids. Instead of telling my kids not to grab that beautiful glass vase, I'd tell them the vase is just for looking at and come over here and play with this cool toy with me. Instead of telling my 9 YO son to stop playing video games I say let's go for a bike ride or I ask him to help me out in the yard.

 

Here's how this has worked for me, sticking to talking with my kids about what I want them to do rather than any negatives. My oldest daughter graduated from high school last June, was near the top of her class(and would have been at the top if there hadn't been a mistake by a guidance counselor during transfer between schools), had straight A's all the way through. She was accepted by lots of great universities with lots of scholarships, etc., but chose to defer entry to go to Morocco for a year to learn Arabic with the State Department. I don't remember any time pushing her to do homework or using any sort of punishment around all the crazy activities she was involved in. Instead we stayed interested in what she was doing and learning. She picked up early on that the course of her life and success was tied to what SHE did, not what I did.

 

Second daughter is a senior in HS, was advanced a grade in her 7th grade year to 8th grade, never missed a beat and has had straight A's all through school. She's not as tough on herself as first daughter, more easy-going. She decides what she has to work on and when to get everything done, and she has done great.

 

Son is 9 and in 4th grade (also advanced a grade). He's consistently been the top performer in his class on the academic side, not so much on keeping his mouth shut and minding his own business. Part of being a boy and a full year younger than all the other kids in his class. I imagine that part will get better in the next few years as he gains some maturity more even with those a little older. Even though he is a bit video game obsessed at the moment, even he determines what he needs to do and gets it done. He knows that he gets to decide what happens in his life, and I think that is cool. He knows we go to Scouts on Wednesday night, and that he's responsible for getting what he needs to get done before we go. He still has to be reminded often, Sunday and Monday, even Tuesday, that we have Scouts on Wednesday and asking him to make sure he is ready, homework done, in uniform at the door by 6. He does great.

 

Maybe I have exceptional kids, but I don't think that is all it is. I've been a den leader for years now, a Cubmaster for over a year, and with every kid I deal with I use those lessons from training my dogs, directing them into the activities I want them to do rather than ever telling them what NOT to do. I actually see these kids doing more of the things I said I wanted them to do, more often. Amazing.

[Tampa Turtle]

I do dogs too, Shepherds, and some of the information is transferable. Yes it seems that a newly formed Boy Scout Patrol is like a den of young dogs --full of energy, short battles for dominance, and they want to play all the time. However my oldest acts different than the others; oh well.

 

Talked to my wife this weekend about the Personal Management MB idea--she liked it a lot. So that may be the next step; not that he is likely to master anything but maybe a baby step in the right direction.

 

Yeah, Middle School is kind of a shock but observing the boy-girl interaction is priceless.

[qwazse]

not so much on keeping his mouth shut and minding his own business. ... I imagine that part will get better in the next few years as he gains some maturity more even with those a little older.

 

You could have been talking about my youngest son (now 14).

 

I admire your optimism, but if mine son is any indication, your boy's found his groove. The best you could hope for is that he speaks courteously, learns the skill of apologizing after each time he crosses "a line," and -- along the lines of the dog training precept -- learns to actively listen. (Oh, and baking brownies for classmates covers a multitude of sins.)

 

TT - I wholeheartedly agree. No need for soap operas when you have a troop full of jr. high kids.

 

[Tampa Turtle]

My younger son's tent buddy has a twin sister. She keeps making goo-goo eyes at #2 son and he is clueless. Funny to watch.