Dear Parent, You need help

[packsaddle]

Lisa, the ones I have known already know they need help. It's painfully obvious. They usually have a much better idea than I do of what kind of help they need...they're living it while I'm just observing.

The best I can to is to offer help and then to actually help, if I can.

[Basementdweller]

hehehe, Don't need your sympathy.

 

I told you I live in the inner city and deal with everything that entails.

 

Honestly you can't tell me you have never dealt with a drunk or stoned parent. Or one that was too sleepy to drive home safely.

 

You wonder why the den leader was hit, it is a tough neighborhood. At least the new CO we don't have to worry about stray bullets. I will never forget the night we had a gang shoot out right behind the church during a Pack meeting. Saw the muzzle flashes thru the window and everyone hit the floor. We moved two weeks after that event.

 

Single Parent households, grandparents raising grandkids, older brothers and sisters bringing siblings to scouts. Absentee parents, drug addicted parents, abused scouts or siblings. I have seen and dealt with my fair share of this sort of domestic stuff. Had a nasty divorce some to a head in the CO's parking lot after scouting thank goodness. Had children's service's at den meeting more than a few times observing parents and children.

 

Yep, I a deal with stolen popcorn money, drunk and stoned parents. Boys who get forgotten at the CO by parents, had one family bring plastic bags and loaded up on the Blue and gold left overs.....

 

We have our spring family camp coming up.

 

Our flyer needs to include a list of conduct rules for the familys.

 

No Alcohol

No Drugs, yes mary jane is a drug

No Boy or Girl friends sharing tents.

Tobacco in designated smoking area only.

Refrain from activity of an intimate nature while at camp.

No Gambling

 

Yes we do cooler inspections, and yes we find wine, wine coolers and beer. Had one dad try to smoke a blunt in the smoking area with the other adults.......makes a guy shake his head. Yes we had a couple get intimate and it was apparent what was going on.

 

Scouting is the only safe place for some of these young men and women.

 

(This message has been edited by Basementdweller)

[Lisabob]

basement, thank you for being there to provide a scouting program to these kids.

[OldGreyEagle]

Sorry if I come off being a wet blanket, but here goes. If I was sorta really positively certain a parent was impaired (drugs, alcohol, whatever) I would not follow them to their home. I really don't want to witness them running up the curb and killing the old lady out walking the dog or hitting a kid playing some street football and then I get to think about what I SHOULD have done so a life was not lost.

 

If you know the person should not be driving, then do something.

 

Perhaps driving them both home would be helpful

[packsaddle]

OGE, as a person whose family was almost killed by a drunk, I agree. A couple of months ago a good friend was obviously under the influence. I insisted on driving him home. He objected strenuously until I promised to call the cops if he didn't give me the keys. He gave them to me. I actually HAVE made the call in the past. They got caught too.

 

At least Basementdweller took the boy home.

[Basementdweller]

Well come on down and show me how it's done then. Nothing good would come from calling LEO.

 

Must be nice to live in a nice quiet suburb where the worst then you guys have to worry about is the line at the starbucks.

[OldGreyEagle]

You presented a scenario and I presented my opinion.

 

I didn't realise the Scout Law was geographically dependent(This message has been edited by oldgreyeagle)

[Basementdweller]

If I followed and enforced da rules exactly as written the Pack wouldn't exsist.

 

An example. Family camp, what do you do with male female couples who are not married and yet are a functional family unit. What do you do with a lesbian or gay couple???? What about older siblings 16 or 17 year olds bringing the boys? what about grandparents who don't have legal custody, but have physical custody.

 

In our scouts lives this is the norm.

 

What exactly do you think would be happen if we confronted these parents about their family units? Not saying I agree or approve of it, it is what it is.

[momof2cubs]

You know what basementdweller, I'm kinda with you on that one. I live in one of those "nice, quiet suburbs", but we do have a family unit made up of mom, two sons, and one step dad. Mom and step dad aren't married, but live together. Step dad is a den leader. I am NOT about to tell those people they cannot share a tent. It ain't worth it. We just don't make a big stink of it.

 

The reality of the matter is that we have NO idea who is married and who is not, do we? Are we going to start asking for marriage licenses to be presented in camping trips?

[packsaddle]

My response was to the fact that a drunk (under the influence) adult was allowed to drive away. That, to me, is a potentially deadly situation as opposed to something that might be viewed as a poor role model. To me there is a difference.

 

Momof2cubs, are you saying it is wrong for me to share a tent with another adult male leader?

What about another adult female leader? Either way I have violated that rule many times. And likely will continue to in the future.(This message has been edited by packsaddle)

[OldGreyEagle]

lets not confuse the Law of the Land with BSA rules. You can call the police to warn of a drunk driver, sleeping arrangements are different and I wouldnt be checking marriage licesnses

 

 

[SeattlePioneer]

Recent comments describe the reality of detailed Youth Protection rules: they are incompatible with the way a lot of families are these days. Enforcing them with the casual family associations common these days is impracticle and would probably cause numerous families in some units to quit and perhaps cause a number of units to fail.

 

So the BSA has it's nice, shiny rules that make for good press releases, and has all volunteers signed off to enforce them. But they often aren't practical to enforce, so they will then be ignored as unreasonable.

 

When something goes wrong, the council will piously point a finger at volunteers who were trained to enforce the rules but didn't. Willfully failing to enforce the rules you have been trained in might be a good reason to leave volunteers liable for damages on their own hook for any problems that develop.

 

It's a great system.

 

 

 

[momof2cubs]

packsaddle: I can't tell your gender. However, I'm pretty certain that BSA rules state that unmarried adults of opposite sexes cannot share tents. In fact there was a HUGE discussion during my BALOO training on that topic. The trainer was ADAMANT that we cannot allow unmarried couples to share tents during family camping.

 

I'm not saying I agree. I'm just sayin'..

[Basementdweller]

OGE in my world most of the people I deal with have had brushes with the law, part of the reason we have a hard time recruiting volunteers. To those in the Suburbs a DUI charge is a big deal, in my world it is par for the course.

 

If I had told dad if he drove home drunk, I would call LEO he would have merely grabbed scout son, drove home went inside and not answered the door. Drunk driving isn't a big deal in the inner city, to many shootings, stabbings, domestic violence, robberys and such.

 

I would have lost scout son and the chance to help him break the cycle. He is a really great kid.

[BrentAllen]

Being a big fan of the Golden Rule, I would never tell one of our parents how to raise their son. That was one of those silent promises I made to myself when I became a Scouter - I would never cross that line.

 

That being said, I let the parents know that when their son is on one of my trips, he is no longer their son, he is my Scout. If a Scout is doing something on one of our trips that I don't approve of, the excuse "I do this at home" will not cut it - he isn't at home, he is on my trip.

 

As for the drunk driver dad, I wouldn't have called LEO, but I would have insisted we get someone to drive the dad home. If drunk dad refused and became belligerent, then I would call LEO.