Scout interest fading...causing conflict.

[gsdad]

The bottom line is, if he doesn't want to do it, he won't. Maybe his interest will re-ignite if he finds something more to do in Scouting like the OA, or camp staff if he sticks around. I regret not pusing towards Eagle. He has one thing I was lacking and that is parental support. Every kids takes different things from Scouting. If everyone made Eagle it wouldn't be so special.

[allangr1024]

I have had 3 boys in scouting, only one eagle'd. I did not push it. After first class, I let them alone and do the badges at their pace. The oldest and youngest made star and quit at age 16 to do other things. The middle son was sparcely active at 16 and did his eagle project at 17 and turned his paperwork in on the day before his 18th birthday. Since they all gave it 4 years, I was not dissatisfied.

 

Make a suggestion to the 12 year old that he do 3 "fun" badges and then an Eagle required badge. Sit down with him and ask him what 10 badges he wants to work on. Make a list of the ones he mentions, but put an Eagle required badge at spots 3, 6, and 9. Tell him he can substitute any "fun" badge for any other, but the ER badges stay. Since he helped make the list, he may feel empowered.

 

How about this. Does he take American History in school? Ask his teacher to sign up as a merit badge councilor and work on Citizenship in the Nation at school with him. A baseball coach or PE teacher can help with Personal fitness or First Aid. An English teacher can help with Communications. They would probably be stunned if a student asked them to help in this way.

 

 

[qwazse]

The best scout I ever knew got to second class and aged out five years later. My pack was not communicating well with the troop, if he didn't recruited me there'd have been one less Eagle ...

 

[Engineer61]

So, at the risk of extreme personal harm...I brought up the subject of Scout over lunch with wifey today. (Yes, I removed all sharp utensils prior and scouted best exit and had phone pre-dialed to 911.)

 

It was an easy transition to the conversation, since she was on the phone about some scouting stuff when I got there.

 

I feinted stupid, asking what MB's Scout had signed up for... told me what I already knew.... Auto Mechanics and an ER badge, explained she'd made a deal for the ER....

 

So I pushed back a bit, asking why push the Eagle stuff right now...plenty of time...heard that most kids don't even make a push for it till 15 or 16...

 

She stuck to her guns though..."so and so in troop Eagled at 16" ... "he has to advance a rank every year" ...

 

So, my response was, "look, if you want him in this, then you need to let him do it at his pace ... or he's gonna drop it completely."

 

She thought a second ... but I don't think she buys it ... didn't expect her to.

 

Ok... I tried ...

[perdidochas]

So, Engineer,

 

What rank is your boy now? How long has he been in Scouts?

[Eagle92]

WOW! just b/c so and so made Eagle at X age doesn't mean everyone else needs too. Maybe printing out a few of the replies here will help. And hopefully when the time comes, I will remember what I am saying now.

[Lisabob]

It is easy to get caught up in that mode of thinking. But it isn't healthy. "So and so" is not your son. What works for "So and so" might be totally wrong for your son. Scouting is not like school where being at the top means having a higher GPA than somebody else. Scouting is unusual in that it can be tailored by each boy to his own needs (with some guidance) and it is not a competitive endeavor.

 

Sometimes it helps to hear from others in the same position. I'm a mom and I have a late-teen son who has been a boy scout for 5 1/2 years now.

 

I have watched as many of his peers started boy scouts with the stated goal of "getting Eagle by age ___." Know what? Most of them burned out and quit after 1-2 years. They'll be going into 11th grade in the fall and only one in his age group has earned Eagle so far. A couple remain in the troop, are totally burned out, but their moms won't let them quit. They're often very unpleasant to be around at scouting since they don't want to be there. The ones who are still involved and happy, are the ones who are doing things because THEY want to, and not because mom or dad are making them.

 

This was not an easy lesson for me to learn. I'm an achiever sort of personality. I looked at the zillion opportunities to work toward things in scouting and got hooked (wish **I** had had this program as a teen!). Then my kid took 2 1/2 years to earn 1st class and another 18 months to earn Star. He'll probably earn Life sometime in the next year (after 18-24 months as a Star scout) but I'm not sure about that. He is ambivalent about Eagle. Advancement just is not what motivates him.

 

Finally, I backed way, way, waaaayyyyy off. And you know what? In the last year he did (and loved) a week of NYLT, served this year as SPL, decided to attend Jambo (and do all the fundraising himself which is no small thing at $1800), and was inducted into OA, where he is looking forward to becoming more involved.

 

If I had pushed advancement any harder in his middle school years, I'm sure he would have quit. Advancement was what I wanted, but not what he wanted. As it is, he has grown and learned so much just in this last year, even with the ups and downs he has dealt with in his troop. I'm glad he's still in the program.

 

If he never makes Life (let alone Eagle) I will still be very proud of him and he will still have benefited greatly from his time in scouting.

 

This has gotten rather long (sorry) but if it helps someone to see a different perspective from a "been there, done that, changed my mind" fellow traveler, then, good.

[Eagle92]

Well I'm reading the paper today and saw a very interesting announcement. A young man earned his Eagle who had dropped out of his troop several years ago b/c his dad was pushing him. And when I mean pushing, I mean PUSHING, to the point he got fed up and quit.Luckily mom talked some sense into dad, and they let the son leave scouting.This was when he was 13. 3 years later at 16, he decided on his own that he wanted to get back involved in Scouting and earn Eagle. Not an easy task for a 16 year old 2nd Class Scout to get Eagle. BUT without dad pushing him, he had fun, busted his own butt, and got Eagle. Grant you he was like me, completing everything before 18 except the EBOR, about a week after 18 b/c of scheduling, but he Completed it and had fun.

 

What I find interesting is that A) nobody really asks how old I was when I got Eagle, except new parents and that is on occasion. Seems that if you tell parents you are an Eagle, they are happy to have a good role model and don't care about age you earned it B) Most Eagles who get it from 13-15 tend to leave Scouting altogether, and C) Those Eagles who earned it from 16-18 usually have some awesome Scouting stories about their adventures ( let me tell you about my trip to Canada.... ).

[OldGreyEagle]

It takes at least 17 months for a scout to become Eagle under the very best of circumstances. One month to First Class, then 4 months to Star, 6 months to Life and 6 months to Eagle. This is absolutely the fastest is can be done and has to have several people working at it making sure activities are scheduled, Boards of Review are done and Positions of Authority performed.

 

So, the "average" kid in an Average Troop? It takes longer, how much longer? That is up to the scout

[Eagledad]

>>She thought a second ... but I don't think she buys it ... didn't expect her to.

 

Ok... I tried ...

[Engineer61]

"Anyway I have to ask, based on the conversation several weeks ago where you asked how many Scoutmasters have talked to the parents about pushing their son to Eagle? Where do you sit with that now? Would you like you sons scoutmaster to talk to your wife? Would you like to be that scoutmaster? "

 

Yeah, I could be that Scoutmaster....because in my case I have been "that" baseball coach. That is the coach where you have the 10 year old kid who's older brother was the high school or college baseball star...who's parent have "great things planned" for the younger son.

 

While unpleasant, it was a necessary conversation. The health of the boy's arm was at stake. They did not like me for it....but I really didn't care, because I could look at myself in the mirror and know that I did the right thing.

 

Personally, I don't see any SM or ASM in my troop with the stones to intervene over the best interest of the boy.

 

I envision that at some point, I'm going to have to have a one-on-one with my Scout and then go to bat for him.

[markrvp]

I've discovered that my feelings on advancement are different from many of the people here. However, I think it's good to have a plan... one that is flexible and can be modified based on changing tastes and circumstances.

 

My son read an article about a scout who earned ALL of the available merit badges. Now my son wants to earn at least 100. We sat down and talked about what he would need to do to make that happen. Then we made a plan. We looked at the requirements for all the merit badges and divided them into categories... badges to work on at camp, badges to work on during the summer (personal fitness, personal management, family life), badges that he needed to save money for, etc. Then he listed the first 50 badges he wanted to work on in an order that made sense based on what was needed for each badge. He started this plan at the first of March. At that time he had 4 merit badges. Since then, he has earned 14 more. He has them lined up 1-50 in the order he wants to work on them. When he finishes one, he goes onto the next one. When he reaches 50 he'll re-evaluate and create his list for 51-100. My only BIG input into his plan was where to place Eagle required badges so that he would have the badges he needs at the right time to advance in rank.

 

The interesting thing is when he tells non-scouter types about this they think it's great. The scouter types all scream, "that's horrible, no scout should to that, that's not what scouting's about!" Well, why not? Isn't Scouting about learning new things? How many new things would you learn if you successfully completed 100 merit badges?

 

HE HAS MY FULL PERMISSION to take a break any time he wants to. We agreed that if if stops being fun, then he'll lay off. No big deal.

 

I don't agree, however, that you should NEVER push a scout. Some people in general are just not self-starters, but will happily do things you ask them to do. Every person is different, so thinking about the future and making a plan can definitely help someone get headed in the right direction.

[Eagle92]

While I agree at times a push along the trail may be needed to get a scout out of a rut, overall they need to be a self motivated guy.

 

As for going for 100 MBs, if that's whay he wants, go for it. While I didn't try that, I wen tfor the HA stuff, whatever floats his boat.

[WAKWIB]

Most of what I could say has been said, but thought I would chime in.

I've been a leader in a Troop for almost 10 years and have seen many boys get the Eagle rank. Almost all were down to the wire. In SM conferences and BOR's every boy states that Eagle is a goal for them, but they are going to take their sweet time with it. We've had a couple that are exceptions, but they were clearly self-motivated and not being pressured by an adult. It doesn't take much for a Scout to get to Star or Life by 13/14 and then they will put the brakes on for a couple of years. The boys I've been associated with clearly want monthly campouts, summer camp, OA activities, POR's, High Adventure activities etc...

They want to have a lot of fun and the rank advancement is just icing on the cake.

As leaders, we do what we can to point them to what they need to get done for Eagle and they will eventually do it. EBOR's within a few weeks of 18th birthdays are not uncommon.

[josep@strybuc.com]

Let him have fun! At 12 he is still way too young to even grasp the idea of Eaglehood! By 15/16 you will see a completely different boy!