bullied... to death

[SMT224]

CNN Wire Staff, March 30, 2010 -- Nine Massachusetts teenagers have been charged with involvement in a monthslong campaign of bullying that led to the January suicide of a 15-year-old girl, a prosecutor said.

http://edition.cnn.com/2010/CRIME/03/30/massachusetts.bullying.suicide/

 

The above story has now hit most US news web sites. It is a very sad story, and it sounds like this girl was targeted by unrelenting bullying. Why the kids did it may never be known, as no doubt the kids themselves, and most certainly the parents, are now in full defense mode.

 

No doubt this incident will spawn more rules and regulations by the well intentioned to prevent something like this from happening ever again. Anything that looks, smells, or tastes like any form of bullying will not be tolerated.

 

But I think it's even more important to teach kids to resist and repel bullying. Despite the most formidable rules, almost everyone will be bullied at some point in their life. Im not sure what this girl could have done, but it sounds like she was really embarrassed and internalized it.

 

I was bullied a couple times in grade school and high school, and it didnt stop until I walked up to the instigator and punched him. Then it stopped cold. This was back in the 60s and 70s, and I realize this is not only discouraged these days, but considered to be as bad as the initial bullying itself. Nevertheless it worked very well for me and I was a skinny little kid walking up to some pretty big guys. Maybe they were just surprised I dont know. But after I stood up to them, I was left alone.

 

In light of this, what are you doing in your Troop to:

1) ensure that bullying (and were talking pranks here as well) does not happen,

2) help Scouts resist bullying.

 

Thanks!

 

[jhankins]

In my experience, troop bullying has been rare. But when it has happened, the youth have brought up the issue to the Scoutmaster, who has addressed the issue.

 

If it happened again, well, the youth decided to handle it themselves. It didn't happen again after that.

 

While I don't approve of the actions taken by the boys (and they heard it from their COR), positive peer pressure certainly can be beneficial.

[sailingpj]

"I was bullied a couple times in grade school and high school, and it didnt stop until I walked up to the instigator and punched him. Then it stopped cold. This was back in the 60s and 70s, and I realize this is not only discouraged these days, but considered to be as bad as the initial bullying itself."

 

In my school if you did this you are for sure going to get a week long suspension, but you are also probably going to get arrested. If you get into a fight you are considered an active participant if you throw the first punch, or if you hit them more than once.

[OldGreyEagle]

I was bullied quite a bit as a youngster, actually most of the neighborhood was by this one guy. One day I stood up to the guy, popped him in the nose and he beat the bloody hell out of me, saying all the while, if you just took one punch kid, you could be home by now, now you are gonna die, and I thought I was

 

I can imagine standing up to a bully and he flees is a great victory, getting the hell beat out of you because you punched back though is not a whole heck of a lot of fun

[studentscout]

OldGreyEagle, I also was bullied a lot growing up, by almost everyone. I was pretty much the oddball until college. Then I realized that there were plenty of others like me. The bullies were just a bunch of losers who probably knew they were never going anywhere in life.

As I read through the old threads, I sense that some of the personalities in these forums might have been bullies at one time. Maybe even now.

I have been reading about this suicide and related incidents. I never contemplated suicide but I understand the emotional weight that is borne..it can have a lifelong effect. Scouting should not be a place that cultivates or where boys suffer bullying.

[Beavah]

I sense that some of the personalities in these forums might have been bullies at one time. Maybe even now.

 

Yah, what's up with a comment like that, eh? I doubt you've ever met anyone on these forums. I reckon that's an example of bullying, eh?

 

The stuff this young lady experienced was way, way out of line. It came at a time when her age and her being an immigrant made her exceptionally vulnerable. Teen girls can sometimes be exceptionally cruel.

 

I'm more interested in SM224's point #2, eh? I was a bit of an egghead growin' up, had glasses at an earlier age. I remember being bullied a bit. Sometimes more than a bit. Never really bothered me, I was fairly secure in myself and my friendships.

 

I don't think a bunch of hyper adults intervening with "policies" is ever goin' to stop bullying. In some cases it will make it more subtle and cruel. So to my mind da real question is how to help kids have enough sense of self so that they can handle the bullies in their life. Scoutin' helps a lot with that, not because it creates a "safe haven" or any of that malarkey, but because it provides a space where some kids can experience real challenge and success and friendships that give 'em the wherewithal to resist the effects of bullyin'.

 

Beavah

 

[studentscout]

"Yah, what's up with a comment like that, eh? I doubt you've ever met anyone on these forums. I reckon that's an example of bullying, eh?"

Is that really what qualifies as bullying in your mind? Really?

 

I just get a strange reaction as I read the old threads. Some personalities have a tone that I have encountered before. Fat Old Guy, Gold Winger, to name a couple. Maybe TrailPounder as well or Bob White. Perhaps 'bully' is too strong. Perhaps 'blow hard' is the better descriptor, does that offend you?

 

[Beavah]

Is that really what qualifies as bullying in your mind? Really?

 

Nah, da little smiley face means it's a joke, eh? Look up "smileys" and "emoticons" sometime.

 

Like anything, scouter.com is filled with all sorts of people, eh? And we all know that text doesn't convey emotion or intent very well. Sometimes it will rile even good people.

 

Just read things imagining what the person is sayin' in the best possible light, as a friend joshin' around the campfire.

 

Though we do have our "characters" (and I reckon this furry fellow is one of 'em), like most scouters and scouts, it's a good group.

 

Beavah

 

[studentscout]

Beavah, thanks, I see your point. I guess I need to continue reading.

[OldGreyEagle]

One should be aware that Fat Old Guy and Gold Winger are the same guy, and he was banned from the site, TrailPounder no longer posts and I think he turned out to be a pretty nice guy once he mellowed a bit. Bob White doesnt post here anymore as well.

 

I appreciate that you have done research, but the posters you mention do not currently post here

 

 

if you want real fun, search out WHEELER, now there was piece of work

(This message has been edited by OldGreyEagle)

[BrentAllen]

One of the many reasons we started the new Troop was due to some bullying our Scouts were experiencing. What do we do about it? We take the words in the SM HB, pg. 6, to heart:

 

Scouting - A Values-Based Program

 

Scouting offers boys an environment in which everyone can feel secure both physically and emotionally. That sense of security comes from Scoutmasters and other adult leaders:

 

Setting an example for themselves and others by living the Scout Oath and Law to the best of their abilities.

 

Refusing to tolerate name-calling, put-downs, discrimination, or any form of physical aggression.

 

Communicating their acceptance of boys by taking a real interest in each Scout.

 

Using the Scouting program to create a setting based on learning and fun. They seek the best from each Scout and do all they can to allow him to achieve it.

 

Talk the talk, and walk the walk.

[codger]

Well, this thread is interesting for what the posters DIDN'T suggest - that a group, such as Boy Scouts, can add to the dialog about kids that are bullied is this:

 

Membership in a group (Scouts) where the members are made to feel valued and valuable is the best insurance against a child that feels so alone in the world and vulnerable that they consider suicide.

 

Simply put, if a child feels valued by his or her peers and family, they are less likely to consider suicide as a response to the inevitable bully. Almost all of us have been victims of harassment and bullying at one time or another, and how we react depends on our sense of self esteem and belonging.

 

Another factor is peer support - I would encourage Scouts to stand up to bullies AS A GROUP. If a bully picks on a single kid, and the kid fights back, we have the possibility the bully still prevails, or that both bully and victim are punished for fighting (under the assinine "no tolerance" policy). But I have yet to hear of the bully encounter where 4 or 5 friends, scouts, etc. have stood up to the bully and protected the victim where it has not gone well for the victim and poorly for the bully - and I am not talking about a group that beats up the bully, only prevents the altercation.

[studentscout]

BrentAllen, I think what you have done is commendable. Codger, I agree. (it will make my day if you turn out to be a teenager)

 

P.S. OldGreyEagle, I just did that search and O. M. G. I did notice that many (most?) of those threads with Wheeler ended up being "THREAD CLOSED"(This message has been edited by studentscout)

[DYB-Mike]

Studentscout, why would it make your day if it turned out that Codger was a teenager?

 

YIS

Mike

 

[studentscout]

DYB-Mike, it would make my day because a 'codger' is usually an old person, often kind of crotchety as well. Kind of like my grandfather. To me it would be ironic for a teenager to choose a nickname like that. I like irony. Irony makes my day.