anti-bully project

[sec338]

I was wondering if anybody had any ideas on how to help our troop start an anti-bully project in their school. We had a rather bad incident happen, and along with suspension of some boys, we would like them to learn what bullying can cause and to help others not to become bullies or how to avoid them. Any help is welcomed!

[Lisabob]

Have a serious talk with the school administrators. If they're not on board, if they pay it lip service and are half-hearted about it, it won't matter what you do because it won't work. And the kids pick that up very quickly.

 

 

[sec338]

Let me rephrase a little. The boys involved were boyscouts as the bully. It started out as a game but another boy got hurt. These boys are good boys and I know that they did not intend for anyone to get hurt but it happened. My intentions are for them to learn more about bullying and to help others to prevent it, by making a campaign(service project)I hope that we can kick this is the bud as we do not tolerate bullying and will help the boys to grow up.

[Eagledad]

I would do some research on the subject first. Bullying is a power thing typically at "weaker" victims who can't fight back. I'm told by those who know that it is more common with kids who are bullied in their own life, usually parents of family. That certainly was the case in the few instances I witnessed. How do you change someone who lives in that environment everyday.

 

I've also seen a different kind of bully in a troop program who were not known bullies at school. Those bullies where influenced by adult leaders (parents) in the troop who didn't like certain boys and were very expressive about it at home. We eventually asked one such leader to leave are troop.

 

I can go on and on about how Scouting is an ideal program in the long term for anti-bullying because it is a servant program, but it is not the quick solution you are looking for. In fact I've read where school's approaches to fixing the problem is failing mainly because they are trying to use quick solutions like lectures and words. Again, you can research it to find out.

 

I agree with Lisabob about the schools, at least from my experience with schools in our area, good luck.

 

Barry

[Eamonn]

Scouts UK has a lot of good and useful information.

You might want to visit:

http://scouts.org.uk/bullying

 

Bullying is never a good thing and can in some extreme cases lead to youth suicide, which at this time is at epidemic levels

Eamonn

[Beavah]

It started out as a game but another boy got hurt. These boys are good boys and I know that they did not intend for anyone to get hurt but it happened.

 

Yah, I might be old fashioned, eh?

 

But if what yeh say is true, this doesn't strike me as bullying. This strikes me as being kids.

 

Kids are always roughhousing and playin' games with each other, and generally don't know when to put da brakes on until someone is crying. That someone is often their best buddy.

 

So if that's what really went on, I think yeh don't have a bullying issue, you've just got a self control / knowing when to stop and change activity / anticipating consequences issue that's pretty typical. And a school district which did what a lot do these days, and overreacted with some zero-tolerance nonsense.

 

Bullyin' to my mind is what Eagledad describes, eh? It's a longer-term thing that involves a power relationship... put downs, teasing, shoving, humiliatin' so as to emphasize that one kid is strong and another weak. That doesn't start as a game. And to my mind, those lads aren't "good boys." They're hurtin' boys acting out, perhaps. Sometimes little tyrants emulatin' older sibling or parent tyrants. Either way, not "good."

 

So if that's what's goin' on, I think you've got to get da wool off your eyes and recognize it. Bullies are often very good at playin' innocent to naive adults, comin' up with excuses and such (and then sniggering behind your back when you buy 'em).

 

I'd have your older boys have a conversation with the other lads in the troop and find out what's really goin' on. The boys usually know. Yeh might find this was a school overreaction and yeh need to just let it lie. Or yeh might find you have a bullying problem in your troop that yeh weren't aware of, or that these guys have been really mean to some kids at school.

 

In the latter case, yeh respond like it's a serious discipline issue, eh? No lectures, talks, or anti-bullyin' program nonsense. And then, after da negative consequence, yeh look for long-term ways for the individual to grow into a servant leader, and be viewed as strong not because others are weak, but because he protects da weak.

 

Beavah

 

[sec338]

Let me rephrase again. This incident did not happen on school property. My idea was for them to go to the schools and teach others about bulling prevention. My hope was that they might learn a lesson and help others at the same time. When I say that the boys are good boys I MEAN IT. This was a one time incident not an ongoing thing. The boys were roughhousing around and someone got hurt. I want the boys to realize the seriousness of their actions before it escalates. These boys all go to church and are known in the community for being the good kids. I hope this helps. I am just looking for creative ways to let them learn a lesson.

[Beavah]

The boys were roughhousing around and someone got hurt.

 

Yah, so if they were roughhousin' with their friends (equal-power-relationship companions) and one of their friends got hurt, I reckon that's plenty of lesson for 'em. Nobody wants to see a friend get hurt. They'll remember that for a long time. Probably remember it a lot better if a bunch of adults don't go jawin' at 'em about it.

 

Anyway, if what you're describin' is right, then da incident had nothing at all to do with bullying, so doin' some bullying program is just an adult make-work thing. Da issue had to do with situational judgment of risk. So keep 'em in Scouting and have 'em work on safety and supervision plans for outings with younger kids, where they'll learn about those things. How do you let younger kids or kids your age have fun but make sure nobody gets hurt?

 

Yah, still, just for a gut-check, if da lad they were "roughhousing" with was not a regular pal of theirs, or at least an equally-cool-in-school acquaintance, then he may well have been their victim. So ask yourself or your kids that. Were they good friends just roughhousin'? I think yeh owe it to yourself and your scouts to thoroughly rule out them bein' bullies to a weaker/shyer kid.

 

Beavah

 

[SSScout]

Bullying has been a frequent topic here.

 

Use the "Search" function (upper left)and you will bring up many good discussions and information.

[Lisabob]

I have to agree with Beavah. And, if I were a school leader, I'd be extremely wary of having a bunch of kids come in to do such a program (even if well meaning). THere are all sorts of issues, ranging from efficient use of classroom time, to the school's responsibility for whatever is presented (will the school control the script?), to your scouts missing their own classes to do this program, to whether or not kids will take it seriously, to possible parental responses to such a program. If I were an elementary school principal I wouldn't want to touch this with a ten foot pole. These are not hurdles that are easily cleared by a well-meaning boy scout leader, in this day and age.

 

I really appreciate your thoughtfulness and the fact that you want to be sure kids learn that bullying is bad. YOu have great intentions, that's clear. I just don't see this as an appropriate solution to the problem you have described (as Beavah says), nor do I see it as something that is highly likely to be an effective program that the schools will welcome.

 

 

[evmori]

Roughousing does not equal bullying. Like Beavah said, boys play hard & will continue to play hard till someone gets hurt.

[SMT224]

I had two younger Scouts quit recently. Neither had advanced very far, not even finishing their Tenderfoot, and had gone on very few camping trips and outings. Both had gone to summer camp, and one had terrible home sickness that continued the entire week. The other seemed ok, but completed no merit badges.

 

When they quit, on separate occasions, both had stated bullying as their reason for leaving the Troop. When pressed, one said the older boys were sometimes rude and not very friendly. The other, who had been so homesick at summer camp, gave no specifics, but finally said he'd rather do sports.

 

And so they left. And their parents, while cordial, said that I should really consider doing something about the bullying problem the Troop so obviously had, as it was clearly driving boys away.

 

Well, from my vantage point, the problem is not bullying, but two boys who just were not Scouts. They could not, for whatever personal reason, embrace the camping and the achievement program connected to Scouting.

 

But bullying? No. I do not see it in these cases. But this issue has been raised to such a point that it's an easy out when the going gets tough.

 

So now I have two sets of parents, influential in our church community, that are convinced that mean boys in the Troop drove their poor sons to such despair that they had no choice but leave the Troop. And there is no way that I can tell them, who will stand by their children no matter what, the reality I have witnessed.

 

I concur with the overall concept of the Anti-Bullying efforts, but it's clearly a double edged sword.

 

[eagle77]

I know what you are saying SMT224, I had a young scout at summer camp who felt he was being bullied because he wanted to play cards one evening with some of the boys and wasn't willing to wait until the next hand to get into the game, went home told mom and dad that the scouts were bullying him. I think it also makes it easier for the parents to say my son left because he was bullied by others, not my son left because he couldn't do it or like doing it.

[eghiglie]

The boys in our troop rough house and annoy each other but not excessivly.

 

Sometimes they get hurt or a t-shirt gets pulled or something like that.

 

Two years ago a Tenderfoot and his mother came to me that someone was bullying him during a cooking event. A Star Scout was being accussed. It just so happens that the porch where the cooking was being done has video surviellence cameras because of thefts that have occured.

 

I went to the video room and the video showed the TF poking another boy with a stick over and over again. The Star scout took the stick from the TF.

 

Once TF and his Mom saw the video they backed off. I then explained that the TF needed to aplogize to me for causing a ruckus and he would need to apologize to the boy he poked. He did both but not exactly willingly. Him and the Star Scout became freinds.