personalities

[Lisabob]

This must happen from time to time in pretty much every troop and I wonder how you handle it.

 

Do you ever have a situation where one or more of your key adults and one or more of your key youth just really function and see things *differently*? For example, some fellows respond well to a sharp word, others become defiant. Some can get startled into action by a well-timed bark, others shut down completely. Some respond really well to a quiet comment, others tune it out. And so on. A good match between adult style and youth personality can yield marvelous results in terms of personal growth, mentoring relationships and character development.

 

But how about when it isn't such a good match, but you want to keep both the adult and the scout in question?

 

I'm asking you to share your successes, and maybe also your failures, to balance adults/scouts, both of whom you see as assets to the troop (though perhaps not in combination!), in this arena.

 

 

 

[evmori]

This happens all the time. Everyone will not get along with everyone else. That's life! And learning to understand & deal with this is not always easy for adults or boys.

 

Every situation is different. Sometimes the boy knows how to push an adults buttons & visa versa. The key is recognizing this & stopping it before it gets ugly.

[OldGreyEagle]

it is similar to Sports managers/Coaches. Some Coaches are sucessful because they know how to get the best out of each player, they coax the ones who need coaxing, cajole the one who need cajoling, kick in the butt the ones who need a good butt kicking. All the time measuring what each personality needs with what movivates them the best. The problem is, there are only a handful of these guys in the Country and the best ones have jobs, as NFL, MLB, or NBA coaches and managers.

 

Experience is good, knowing your youth, knowing the family, all of these things are good, but "getting to" each kid may be a goal beyond everyone's reach, we do what we can and always try to improve

[Lisabob]

OGE, the coaching analogy is a good one, I agree.

 

I guess what I see sometimes is that we don't tend to be terribly flexible in our manner of communication with youth, particularly when things aren't going as smoothly as we'd like. We adults tend to get all parental, and then get frustrated or angry when it doesn't produce desired results with boys who are not our own and who are not used to our particular style. When that happens, it can set off a pretty bad dynamic. ("Bobby is mouthy/rude/ignoring my instruction." "Mr. X is always yelling. He must not like me much.")

 

If you are the SM (or CC?) watching such a situation unfold, do you take the adult and/or boy aside and try to help them see things in a different light (how?) or do you just say forget it, and figure that either they'll get over it or that maybe one or both aren't a good fit for the troop after all?

[resqman]

There are times when adult leaders and youth styles do not mix. Commonly we treat it the same way we treat Parent leaders addressing their own sons.

 

We go to the other adult leader and say, would you please work with my son/this scout. I am not able to deal with them.

 

 

[Beavah]

Yah, happens all da time.

 

Nah, you're goin' to find it hard to change adult styles. Better to teach da kids how to manage each adult .

 

A really wise group of scouters will recognize that certain boys and adults seem to "click." Billy seems to always look for approval from Mr. Jones, Mr. Smith has fun talkin' sci-fi with Johnny, etc.

 

If yeh can identify the ones that "click", then yeh just set up a dynamic where that adult is the one who works with that lad, and others defer to him or her.

 

Beavah

 

[BadenP]

I agree with Beavah, I have seen this thing at all levels of scouting over the years. One problem I have witnessed is when the adult is a parent and the scout is their son, it is hard for some to let go of the parent thing and treat the boy like any other scout. On scouting activities parents may see a whole different side to their boy they may not see at home, and want to quash it with strict parental control methods instead of acting as a scouting leader. This results in alienating the boy and embarrassing him in front of his peers. That's why I feel that more training is needed for scouters in proper disciplinary and motivational techniques as part of basic training.

[Stosh]

My CC is the former SM of the troop. He was part of the selection process for a new SM to replace him and having selected me because of what I do best, he supports me 100%. I have asked him to provide me with boy-contact adults that will work within the principle/goals of what I'm trying to provide for the boys. Thus far he has done a fantastic job for me.

 

If people don't like the way things are going in the troop, the letter of resignation handed over to the chartering organization will be signed by both the CC and SM.

 

Careful screening of adults responsible for direct-boy contact is based on goals and principles of scouting, not personalities. If the incoming adult doesn't agree with that, he/she is offered a non-boy-contact position in the troop. Thoughtful screening of adult leadership is mandatory to minimize conflicts down the road.

 

Stosh

[gwd-scouter]

We have a whole bunch of new scout parents and most are eager to work as ASMs in our Troop. No problem there as I've met with them many times and they all seem to understand how our Troop operates. All are committed to go to training, some have already started even before they signed up at crossover.

 

Then again, there's this one Mom. Her son joined the Troop about a year and a half ago. She signed up too as an ASM. She went to training. OK so far. Problem was, whenever she went on a campout she started to boss around a couple of our youth leaders. She most definitely did not like the way they did certain things - mostly when it came time to break camp and get ready to go home. Admittedly these guys always take too long. And, there is one particular Scout in our Troop she really dislikes. Her son doesn't like him either so that doesn't help.

 

I could see the reaction our Scouts had to her. Not outright disrespect, but one could tell from watching that they were tuning her out. Also, she was not at all fair in doling out criticism. The PL for her son has a problem. Her son is one of those that always has a reason why he can't do any work (I'm not feeling well, I have a headache, etc.). But, if PL had harsh words for her son, it was the PL being nasty - not her son being lazy.

 

The last campout she went on, the guys were taking their usual long time to break camp. After everything was stored they set up their line to check the area for trash. This woman sat in her lawn chair reading a book - right in the middle and the guys had to walk around her. Amazing!

 

She and I talked. I suggested that perhaps a position on the Committee might be a better place for her. I mentioned that I could tell she was really frustrated watching the messier parts of a boy-led Troop and she agreed. She is now our Committee Chair and doing a great job with it.

 

I've been watching all our new Scouts and already have a pretty good handle on their personalities. As something of a boast, I would say that one of my strengths as SM is the ability to get to know each scout individually and figure out what may best motivate him when he needs it (knowing that one size does not fit all). Like Lisabob posts - some guys respond to a sharp word, others become defiant, and so on. I use that insight to help other leaders and our youth leaders to figure out how to work with the scouts they may be having a problem with.

[acco40]

I've had Scouts with autism and ADHD and they seemed to respond better to verbal communication if I first put a hand on their shoulder or gave them some other form of physical contact (please no jokes).

 

I've also had a Scout who was physically abused and any sudden movements or attempt to "touch" was greeted with great apprehension.

 

Therefore, obviously, you tailor your communication method to the Scout in question but that takes patience. I've also yelled sometimes - on purpose and quietly telling another adult that I was about to yell - for the purpose of getting the boys attention. It has to be used very rarely or it will lose it's effect.

 

I've also had specific adults and Scouts I was not particularly fond of and tried to make other arrangements for communication with them - have another SA deal with it.

 

But by and large, most of us are all the same and like being treated with respect. Set the expectations high for the boys and they usually surprise you by meeting them.