How do you help kids get out from under helicopter parents?

[DeanRx]

All great suggestions so far... to me it boils down to a two-pronged approach:

 

1) Be candid and frank to any parents making the "swooosh - swooosh sound". Explain, and then re-explain the purpose of boy-led.

 

2) Set the scout up from an early age to be self-reliant as much as possible.

 

Example - cubs at resident camp this year. Some in the mess hall were waiting to be served. I remarked how they were going to stay hungery if they didn't get their own plates and their own silverware and go through the chow line themselves. Funny how many actually thought I was going to try and serve them all.

 

It became very clear after the 1st 24-hrs in camp who had chores / responsibilities at home and who has stuff done for them all the time. Maybe suggest to the heli parents that they begin with a small list of daily or weekly chores for the scout to help with around the house.

 

The point is for the scout to become a self-starter and the parent to allow them to find initative. The attempt at the task is much more important than the quality of the task completed.

 

In our uber competetive, zero-defect, perfectionist society, the art of learning from failure is a hard one for many parents to allow their child to expirience. Most parents view a failure, no matter how minor, a reflection of their parenting skills. Some parents (most in fact) just need it pointed out that its not about them or their parenting, its about the kid's journey of self-reliance.

 

Sometimes be direct, sometimes use humor.

I've actually had the following conversation with one of my cubs' mothers:

 

Me: "You ever seen the movie 'Finding Nemo'?"

Her: "Well yes, why?"

Me: "You remember the giant turtle named Crush?"

Her: "Yes."

Me: "He allowed his son to attempt things on his own instead of doing things for him? Even if it meant the kid would fail."

Her: "Yes...."

Me: "All I'm asking is for you to be a little more like Crush and a little less like Marlin."

 

At a future campout, I actually heard her and another mom psyching themselves up to let their boys do a boating activity by saying "Be like Crush" to each other. Maybe they meant it, or maybe they were poking fun at my analogy - but either way - it got the point across.