Actions of a life scout

[shawmatt]

I have a boy in my troop that is a life scout. Up till now he's been pretty good. His dad went to over seas because he's in the army and now this kid is fully acting up. Taking out his anger of his dad being away on me and other scout leaders. and to the point where the other scouts don't want to be around him. The scout was caught last year buying drugs at school and this year was caught smokeing. I kinda still feel the boy is still doing drugs but haven't caught him at a scout event. Two weeks ago at a troop meeting I gave the troop a deffintions test on the scout law. This scout only got 4 of the points to the scout law right on their meaning. I told the scouts that it is imporant for them to know what the scout law means. but the kids partent thinks what ever happens out of scouts isn't his problem that he can do what he wants. I feel as a egale scout that we take a oath when we get are eagle and if we take it we should fellow it.

I was going to sit the child down and ask him what scouts means to him and find out but I figure he's life she should know by now. The boys of the troop are starting to complain on how he acts and the only to things I feel I can do is put him on probation to see if that changes the way he acts or just remove him from the troop. His mom is part of the commitee which no one on the commitee has trying for the comittee which dosen't help. I would love ideas from any one.

Thanks

[SMT224]

I suggest you have a Scoutmaster Conference with him. Sit down (within full view of all, but out of ear-shot) and listen to him. A few leading open ended question will likely get him started and he may have a lot to say. It may be he feels forced to be in Scouts and just doesn't want to be there. Or perhaps he is really worried about his Dad, but can't stand to show it.

 

Scoutmaster conferences are not just for advancement. A Scoutmaster or Assistant Scoutmaster can sit down and talk to a Scout for any reason - if he did a great job on something, if he is advancing very slowly, or if he has done something that is clearly outside the Scout Law.

[ScoutNut]

"Two weeks ago at a troop meeting I gave the troop a deffintions test on the scout law. This scout only got 4 of the points to the scout law right on their meaning."

 

Definitions test?? Is this Scouting or school? I have to tell you, I am amazed you received any serious answers at all. However, if that Scout (or any other boy over 6th grade) actually could NOT figure out the definition of ANY ONE of those 12 words then the problem is a WHOLE LOT bigger than any problem in Scouting!

 

How old is this Scout? Have you talked to him at all about his problems, in either school, scouts, or both? Have you talked to him about how he feels about his father being deployed? Have you talked to his mother about any of the above?

 

The place to START is to have a SM Conference (that means a friendly sit down heart to heart chat - not an inquisition or a trial) and get to know this boy. Then have another friendly, heart to heart, chat with his mother. Together you just might be able to help this boy.

 

[Narraticong]

ScoutNut is right on target! As an Eagle Scout and Scoutmaster, it is my privilege and responsibility to know every boy in my troop. If you do not already know what makes this boy tick, then find out. You put your boys to the test to see if they knew the meanings. Now put yourself to the test to see if you can put the words into action!

 

We don't always have success and you can't save every boy. But even if you think you fail today, your words and caring actions may come back to him in the future. We are in this for the boys, and especially for the difficult ones.

[Nike]

When my husband is in theater for long periods of time, our teen also gets crabbier, crankier, and more difficult. Luckily, he has never turned to drugs or other destructive habits. However, I do know that I unfairly rely on him to fill his dad's shoes around the house and with his younger siblings.

 

You can be empathetic and supportive for both Scout and mom, but some basic levels of civility and behaviour have to be observed and exhibited. If the Scout continues to misbehave, ask that the Committee Chair convene a BoR to discuss behaviour and scout spirit, or lack thereof, and how the Scout can work toward better behaviour.

 

Remind yourself that you can't fix everything.

 

 

[Beavah]

Yah, Nike's got a good thought, eh? But convene an old-fashioned BOR. One with the lad's peers on it.

 

Boys hurtin' from and not listenin' to adults will often hear their peers. Besides, right now it seems that the other lads are talkin' behind this kid's back. They should learn to step up and give feedback in person.

 

That having been said, the drug use deal is a big deal, eh? That's not the sort of example we want in a youth leader, nor somethin' that most parents will tolerate their kid being exposed to. He's at multiple offenses now. Your first duty as a leader is to protect da program for all of the rest of the boys. We can stretch a bit for a lad who is hurtin', but at some point it ain't just hurting, it's a choice. We have to honor the lad's choice with the consequences it merits, eh?

 

Personally, my guess is that dad's the disciplinarian of the family and his absence is missed. I think any adult male who cares enough about the lad to be "dad" - to read him the riot act and demand better from him is goin' to gain some traction. But that's just a guess.

 

Beavah

 

[scoutldr]

"Taking out his anger of his dad being away on me and other scout leaders. and to the point where the other scouts don't want to be around him. The scout was caught last year buying drugs at school and this year was caught smokeing. I kinda still feel the boy is still doing drugs but haven't caught him at a scout event."

 

I don't see the scout's age, so does he have time to "redeem" himself? If he's close to aging out and we make this kid an Eagle, what kind of message does that send to the younger scouts and the community? Does "character count"...or not?

[CalicoPenn]

So the options are to put him on probation or to remove him from the Troop?? That certainly may take care of the "problem" the adults and the other boys are having, but it will also serve to further isolate, alienate and anger this lad.

 

Let's look at this as if it was a case study - I've never met this lad and can't diagnose, but I see a lot of things in here that would jump right out at me as starting points to examine in a case study.

 

One of his parents, one of his rudders, has been taken away from him to serve overseas in a war zone. The lad is old enough (if he's a Life Scout) to understand that dad isn't on some grand adventure overseas but is in a very real dangerous situation.

 

Knowing this doesn't usually lead to serenity. It usually leads to severe anxiety and fear over the future - over losing a parent permanently. Often in cases like this, boys, especially older boys, are likely to be suppressing those fears in front of the other parent (especially if it's mom) and any siblings - after all, they are going through the same thing too. Often, they try to be the stoic male figure in the household but without a healthy outlet to deal with the stress this brings.

 

Many children of separated parents (whether by overseas service, divorce, separation, etc.) do things that we immediately condemn like buying drugs or otherwise breaking the law. Most of the time, it's an attempt to bring back the parent - the reasoning at this stage is that "if I do something bad enough, the Army (or Mom, or Dad's Boss) will let Dad come home".

 

When that doesn't work, they start to turn to external ways of trying to deal with unrecognized and untreated stress - things like smoking.

 

In this situation, many folks feel isolated and abandoned, with a feeling that there is no one else out there, other than family, that understands what they're going through. And having only the family going through this usually serves to isolate even more - because sometimes there are family issues that come up without satisfactory conclusions (and they don't have to be major - they can be as small as "little sister gets to watch whatever she wants on television at any time she wants even if it means I can't watch the basketball game I've been looking forward to for the past week").

 

Acting out is a signal to others, if they know how to read it. It's a call for help. The help needed may be as simple as having an adult they respect and trust let them unburden themselves of their fears and anxieties. Of having a compassionate shoulder to lean on, or to cry on if needed. To help them steer that massive ship of self back on course - or at the very least, to help make those giant obstacles look more like tiny ripples that can be navigated through. Someone to make them feel valued again. It may be that they need professional counseling to help them through and don't know how to get it (or are too embarrased to ask).

 

Back to this particular lad, my gut feeling is that this lad needs understanding and compassion much more than some kind of punishment like probation or removal from the Troop. Is there one adult in the Troop more than any other (it may or may not be the Scoutmaster) that this lad trusts and respects and admires the most? Someone who can sit with this lad in confidence (yet in sight of another trusted adult - please not in front of the other boys, just in case he does feel the need to really let go and have a good cry) and just listen? Not scold, not upbraid, not suggest - just listen and be there? No talking about his behavior, no talking about the future in the Troop - just listen and comfort and show compassion, and give good advice only if asked for??

 

Is it really serving this lad, or the Troop (and future lads with issues) by holding a full blown Scoutmasters Conference with a "you're on probation (or out of the Troop)" and further the sense of isolation he's feeling? Seems to me you have an advantage here - you see the anger but you know where the anger is coming from - are we smart enough to recognize that the anger is just his way of dealing with stress because he doesn't know any other way of doing so?

 

Your call - let us know how it turns out.

 

Calico

[GKlose]

I'm starting to wonder if this was a troll. The kicker for me was the statement "I was going to sit the child down...". The other clue is the "1" post and not showing up since.

 

Guy(This message has been edited by GKlose)

[shawmatt]

I sat down with the scout. We think we have things worked out.