Mentor or Destroyer

[keoki12]

Mentors or Destroyers

What Happens to the Special Child?

 

It is amazing and very sad how organizations with mission statements that state their purpose is to guide and teach children in fact become the mental and emotional destroyers of those children that are different. Dont get me wrong; there are some people that are very intuitive and absolutely wonderful with all children. But there are others with the best of intentions that end up destroying some children through sheer ignorance.

You see, my son struggles with Attention Deficit Disorder Inattentive (ADD) and Sensory Integration Disorder. He is exceptionally bright with an IQ in the superior range, but his learning style does not fit with the teaching style of most teachers. Some teachers demand that he learn the way they teach and if he is incapable, then it is his fault. When a child is subjected to this attitude day after day, year after year, the mental and emotional toll can be devastating. Imagine being aware on a daily basis that you are incapable of learning like other children. The teacher may not say so in so many words, but children are very sensitive to a teachers displeasure. After facing this for years, for too many children with learning disabilities and learning differences, the result is often depression. These children and their families frequently feel isolated as they try to cope. Too many of the professionals know little about these disabilities and the myriad of ways they impact a childs life. They try to use a one cure fits all approach that is more damaging than it is helpful.

Depression is another mental condition that most people truly know little about. They may see a friend or co-worker that always has a joke or seems to not have a care in the world. What they dont see is the melt-down the individual goes through when they are in the safety of their home. Perhaps they see the individual taking part in self-destructive behavior and condemn the behavior without making any effort to understand the underlying cause. They believe those struggling with depression should just snap out of it or taking a pill will magically fix it. It is so easy to be judgmental through ignorance.

My sons struggle started in 3rd grade. In the beginning, he was a happy 8 year old who couldnt wait to get to school each day. The previous school years had been a joy for him. He loved to learn and he was fortunate in how those teachers had teaching styles that matched his learning style. But as he began to see that he was somehow different in the 3rd grade when it came to learning and that the teacher was really unhappy with him, that happiness turned to sadness. Every year the story was the same: he would start the year with excitement and within a couple of months sadness would become evident and would grow as the year progressed. By the time 7th grade arrived, the exciting anticipation of a new school year turned to dread. Too many of the professionals were unable to really understand and could not help. The depression grew and grew. While he struggled to do what was right and was expected of him, his self-esteem plummeted and he looked for acceptance wherever he could find it. Unfortunately, it was with others with their own struggles, those who were on a self-destructive path.

The utmost saving factor in my sons life was Scouts. He started as a Tiger Scout in first grade and participated every year thereafter. Joining Troop 382 when he made the transition to Boy Scouts was the greatest thing that could have happened. He found a place where he was accepted as he is and his strengths were put to great use while his weaknesses were minimized. His fellow scouts became his brothers and he rose through the ranks to the position of Senior Patrol Leader (having been voted almost unanimously by his troop mates). He went to Philmont with his troop when he was 15 and he loved it. He was in his element and felt he had found his place. Sadly the daily struggles at school and with depression overtook everything else.

My son worked at Camp McKee, the local scout camp when he was 14 and 15. The director was wonderful and took personal interest in the boys working those summers. My son learned he was good at teaching and enjoyed helping the visitors learn new scouting skills. He was able to build on his strengths while trying to develop those skills he struggled with daily. We, his parents, were thrilled he had found a place of acceptance and joy.

The summer he was 16, a new director took charge of camp and the fit was not so great. He believed more in the stick than the carrot and many of the boys working that summer were disgruntled. My son tried reaching out to the director, asking him to spend time with them like the previous director had, but as the new director told me, that wasnt his style and he was not comfortable playing games or hanging out with the kids. Personally, I couldnt help but wonder why someone who felt that way was in charge of the camp or involved with Scouts, but so be it.

All of the frustrations and struggles that occurred during the school year rose that summer and the depression that had declined somewhat with the end of the school year now reasserted itself. The feeling of failure and rejection sent him looking for acceptance elsewhere, on the wrong path.

A fellow scout working at camp that summer offered my son and a friend of theirs that was visiting camp a joint, and the three of them smoked it. When confronted by management a couple of hours later, he admitted to his transgression. I agree with the decision to fire him, for it was inappropriate behavior. My son was saddened by the decision, but realized its appropriateness. Of his own volition, he apologized to the camp staff and management, and the parent of the visiting scout. Upon his return home, he met with his Scout Master and told him what had transpired. He offered to step down as Senior Patrol Leader, but after a long discussion, the Scout Master recognized that my son realized what he had done wrong and told him he would use his position as Senior Patrol Leader to make restitution. Together they worked up a whole game plan that would be instituted when the new scout season started. The Scout Master of Troop 382 is a true mentor.

Sadly, the Blue Grass Council believes more in beheading and burying a child that makes a mistake, than in mentoring the child and attempting to help the child find the right path again. One month after the incident, the Blue Grass Council revoked my sons membership in Scouts and banned him for life. They stated they had received information about inappropriate behavior that led to the ban, but numerous requests for the specifics of the allegations were denied. The CEO of the council made no effort to speak with my son or with us, his parents. He refused requests for meetings and would not allow us to contact the Executive Council or tell us who any of the members were. We were told the only alternative was to appeal to the Regional District.

So we did. My son wrote a long letter explaining the events and how badly he felt about what he had done. His father and I wrote letters, as did the Scout Master, Assistant Scout Masters, Troop Council members, troop mates and many of their parents. About 40 letters were sent with the appeal request and eight long months later, our request was granted. Our son was to be reinstated and his application would be accepted!!! The Blue Grass Council was notified of this decision at the same time we were.

Everyone was overjoyed and Troop 382 welcomed him back with open arms. My son was finishing up another grueling and sad year of school, and the ability to rejoin his troop after such a long separation was a glimmer of hope for the future.

Five weeks later, when my son returned to Camp McKee with his troop as a visitor for the week, the Blue Grass Council turned my sons world upside down again. The Council would not accept the application his Troop Master had signed and he would not be allowed to remain at camp. None of this was in writing, but came to us by word of mouth through various sources. It was obvious that mentoring is not the purpose of the Blue Grass Council. Only destruction for a child who makes a mistake.

The CEO of the Council demanded our son write three letters of apology as he felt the verbal apologies were not enough. Our son wrote the letters, but it was two months later before we received a letter from the CEO that his membership would not be accepted.

We hired a lawyer to write on our behalf, requesting either reinstatement to the Council for our son, or a list of the accusations for his ban and all supporting documentation along with a meeting with the Executive Council to discuss or refute the accusations. Not only did we not receive any accusations or documents, but we were not allowed to meet with the Executive Council.

With the support of Troop 382, our son looked for a troop in another district. Regional had assured us his application would be accepted, and my son felt driving 114 miles round trip to troop meetings was worth it to join another troop. On the night that Troop 382 issued an invitation to the new troop to participate in activities, the new troop decided not to accept our sons membership.

Do you have any idea what it is like to watch your bright, beautiful son enter school with joy, but then come home day after day with increasing sadness? Do you know what it is like to watch him curl up in the corner of his bedroom when he comes home from middle school because he is so overwhelmed with feelings he cant comprehend? You see him feeling like a failure because he senses his teachers disapproval. Do you know what it is like when he comes home from high school and he is crying because he tries and tries, but he just cant get it right? Even more frustrating, you see the occasional teacher that gets it and makes the extra effort and then you see your son blossom. The teacher tells you how bright he is, how well he participates in discussion, and what intuitive questions he asks and for the moment you feel an inkling of hope. Until you meet with the teacher that tells you he is lazy, stupid, incapable. The teacher that creates an environment that is hostile to your childs learning style and you see him shut down.

We have lived through 9 nightmarish years that have gotten worse as each year passed, and to be blunt, this last year has been hell. The school environment was bad enough, but the loss of scouts was intolerable. My son lost the men he felt were like uncles to him and troop mates that were like brothers. He broke and I would not wish anything like that on any parent.

We spent years looking for help only to realize that the majority of school teachers and staff know nothing about ADD and Sensory Integration Disorder. We looked for medical professionals, but insurance limits who you can see. We looked for support groups, but he was too old or there was not enough need in town to warrant putting a group together. Whatever the reason, we could not find the help.

Finally, last November we found a good therapist that took the time to look past the front my son put up to protect himself and he began to make progress. We finally found a school that understands my sons disabilities and is helping him to understand them. It has been a long and slow battle to reach the point were at now, but the job is not yet done.

So tell me. What kind of a troop do you run? Are you truly mentors? The Blue Grass Council hides behind a legal need to keep quiet about their decision because they know they have nothing to justify the extent of their actions. If they did, they would have at least produced it for us, his parents, or the lawyer that we hired. Jesus said Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. I can only assume the CEO of the Blue Grass Council is without sin for we cannot understand his actions at all. He will not tell us what our son is accused of, he will not meet with us to discuss it, he will not allow us to meet with the Executive Council or tell us who they are so we can meet with them.

Yes, my son was wrong to smoke the joint, but it was not an act of malicious misbehavior. It was the action of a boy who once again felt like a failure and was looking for acceptance where he could find it. This punishment teaches nothing, only destroys and it far exceeds the crime. If you cannot take my word for it, my sons therapist has offered to write a letter explaining the ADD and depression and how it affected his ability to make the right choice at Camp McKee. There is nothing worse than hurting a child simply because you know nothing about their disability. His troop mates in Troop 382 have been asking why they should bother to tell the truth or to step up and take responsibility for their mistakes like our son did, when the only result is persecution. Though we try to tell them otherwise, actions often do speak louder than words.

So what is Boy Scouts all about? Mentoring or Destroying?

 

[NeilLup]

Hello,

 

I am so sorry for what you and your son have gone through.

 

It was not clear if he is again registered with the original Troop. If so, it maintaing some Scouting. If not, it may not provide what you wish but if you and your son wish to maintain some Scouting involvement, you might consider talking with the Region about having him register as a Lone Scout. This would at least allow him to continue to participate in Scouting although in a different way.

 

I cannot speculate on the reasons for the Blue Grass Council's actions. Having been through some such actions on the other side, I wonder with all respect to you whether there are any possible factors that you are not aware of (your son has not told you) or that might be entering into the situation. I know that in some cases I have seen, the point of view of the parent and/or Scout appears to be very much at variance with the facts or objective circumstances as our council has done our best to determine them.

 

Scouting does try to mentor. But Scouting is comprised of individual leaders and any individual leader only mentor to the extent that they wish and that they feel comfortable. You haven't said what your son's unique behavior characteristics are nor is it really my business. But could it be the kind of thing that would cause other leaders not to want to be involved or to think that the unit, sadly, would be better for all concerned if you son were not connected.

 

There is a Unit of Supplemental Training on the National web site about working with youth with ADD/ADHD www.scouting.org. It might help you or your unit to explain some of what is going on.

 

If I were you, I would again contact your Region and get their counsel. They might be able to help you.

[keoki12]

He did re-register with the original troop after receiving the letter from Regional stating his application would be accepted back into Scouts, and it was signed by the Scout Master on the day we received the letter. But the Blue Grass Council refused to accept the application, so he was not allowed to remain with the troop after the 60-day initial period. It was very frustrating that the BG Council waited 5 weeks after they were notified of Regional's decision to vocalize their refusal, then to demand my son write letters of apology and wait 2 more months before sending a letter stating his application would not be accepted by them. Stretching the situation out as they did was torture for everybody.

 

As for the reasons to the Blue Grass Council's actions, I don't know either, but it has not been for a lack of trying to find out. We have asked by phone, 2 certified letters, and attorney for the reasons and the CEO of the Blue Grass Council absolutely refuses to give any. Through all the Scout handbooks, manuals, and websites I have read, the normal procedure has been to meet with the Scout and parents when a problem occurs, but repeated requests for meetings have been denied. I have to assume that the reasons for banning were not valid in the eyes of Regional as they granted the appeal and allowed reinstatement in good standing.

 

The saddest part of all of this has been the message these actions by the Blue Grass Council has sent to my son and all of the members of Troop 382. When the adults you look to for guidance betray the message they themselves preach, then what are you to believe? To these kids, many now feel they are just empty words.

[packsaddle]

Keoki12, when I write, 'Welcome to the forums' to you I note that I am saddened by the circumstances that bring you here. I recognize that even a very long message to the forums cannot fully, and possibly adequately, express all that has happened in your son's and your lives. What I can say is that I have had similar experiences personally and that I have watched other families associated with this unit struggle with similar experiences. None of us have experienced, however, the interactions you have had with your BSA council.

I will try to answer your questions directly, "So tell me. What kind of a troop do you run? Are you truly mentors?" and later, "So what is Boy Scouts all about? Mentoring or Destroying?"

 

This unit, whenever a boy has a serious problem (and we've had some doozies), has been supportive of the boy and their family. We've never had any of those things happen during a scouting event, though, and that might be a big difference. I can tell you that some of the things have been far more serious than smoking pot. We have managed, in every case, to nurture rather than destroy, and to support growth rather than to simply judge and condemn.

To this extent, and to the human limits that each of us have, we try to be mentors and good role models. The boys know they can trust us and we provide a safe, supportive place for them to grow.

That said, this unit has NEVER relied on the council or BSA as a source of virtue. We derive whatever good we have from the goodness of individuals rather than from a corporation (in this case, BSA). I think this is almost always true. We consider BSA to be part of the 'means' but WE actually do the work and WE ultimately define the 'end'.

 

In the cases of troubled youth that we've had, most of them have turned around and gone on to happy, productive lives. I sincerely hope your son will discover a similar path for his life. It IS out there, just keep trying.

[Liz]

I, too, am saddened to hear all you've been through. It's so hard not even knowing whether there's "more to the story" or not -- if the Council refuses to talk to you, what are you supposed to do?

 

Have you tried sitting down with your son, and saying, "Now, really, IS there more to the story? Is there something else going on?" (Of course, if the "something else" is unfounded accusations by a 3rd party, your son might honestly not know either.)

 

The other thing to try would be to contact National and see if your son can register as a Lone Scout without going through your local Council. See if another Council will accept him, and if National would be OK with that. As a Lone Scout, I imagine he could be a "guest" at his troop for activities. We have (or at least have had at times) one or two of boys associated with our troop whose membership is with a different troop; they are active in their own troops, but have friends in our troop and just show up for meetings and sign up for the more interesting outings. They even participate as members of a patrol when they're there. This wouldn't be a very good permanent solution, but maybe it could get your son back active in what he loves, continuing to work toward his advancement, and perhaps eventually National can convince your Council to let him back in.

 

I don't know that any of these are good suggestions, they're just things I've been thinking about since I read your post last night.

 

-Liz

[Crew21_Adv]

keoki12 and Fellow Scouters,

 

Greetings!

 

 

IMHO.

 

Quiet often the forum only receives one side of a story. You have only presented one side of the story, and then you are asking forum members to state if the BSA is about mentoring or destroying. Sounds like entrapment.

 

Further you express a disappointment with your state's Department of Education, which your statements seems to transcend to becoming the fault of the BSA.

 

While I hope you son grows into a mature young man that can make ethical decisions. Possibly, the BSA is not the best place for him to develop his values. Or possibly he does deserve to be in the BSA, but I am not the one that processes his application or give him a Scoutmaster conference.

 

I would also ask you to caution you words. "Yes, my son was wrong to smoke the joint, but it was not an act of malicious misbehavior. It was the action of a boy who once again felt like a failure and was looking for acceptance where he could find it."

 

If you statement is true. Then summer camp staff would be distributing joints around the campfire. Troops might as well bring a few bottles of hard liquor in their chuck boxes as well. Why not, it is not malicious behavior.

 

I don't think it is true. If a Scout, adult, or staffer smoked a joint at summer camp, I would call it an act of malicious misbehavior.

 

As a parent and summer camp staffer. I would not want my sons, my Scouts or my staff exposed to others smoking joints. I would consider it to be an act of malicious misbehavior, and I would want some separation between my sons, my scouts, and a person that decided to smoke a joint.

 

Could young boys be forgiven and redeemed? Yes. Possibly. Depending on what the misbehavior was. But it still was a wrong and immoral thing for your son to do.

 

Has your son changed his values and paid his debt for his bad judgment. Possibly so. Should your son be allowed membership into the BSA and your local council. Possibly so. But that is a decision for your council, and not necessarily this forum.

 

Good Luck!

Scouting Forever and Venture On!

Crew21 Adv

[Beavah]

Yah, keoki12, sorry to hear of your experiences, eh? If you're lookin' for sympathy, you have it.

 

I'm more of a fix it and get on with things sort of fellow, though, eh?

 

Your lad's biggest struggle is with school. So fix it, eh? If the public schools aren't doin' it for him, you have to look non-public. Lots of the larger public school systems get very bureaucratic and institutional in their responses by necessity. If yeh want more personal attention for your boy, pay for it. Scholarships and financial aid are even available. There are quite a few private schools with a special mission toward kids like your son, and many of 'em have outdoor and other experiential programs to boot. I can't imagine why a parent would keep their son for years in a school setting which was failing.

 

Scoutin' has to be a safe haven for all boys, eh? And boys trusted with adult roles like servin' on camp staff are under special scrutiny. While I'm not at all fond of "zero tolerance" policies myself, yeh need to understand that most parents don't want their sons exposed to illegal drug use in Scouting, especially not by the older boys they look up to. Your son crossed a line that's typical of lads struggling with depression, but it was a big line. We have to balance the risk to other lads and to the program against the needs of one boy. Remember, every boy who is caught abusin' drugs claims it's their first time, and is genuinely sorry (for being caught). It's hard to tell the difference between them and da (few) kids who might really have been caught on their first few tries and be truly repentant. Scoutin' errs on the side of caution so as to protect other people's kids.

 

Yah, and while I certainly understand your frustration and da purpose behind retaining legal counsel, understand that's a bit like mobilizin' the army, eh? It causes the other side to go into defensive mode and mobilize their army too. Not the right choice if you're really lookin' for compassion and understanding from 'em.

 

Beyond that, there's no way I can sort out your troop/council issues, other than apologize on behalf of Scoutin' for the cloak-and-dagger behavior. Too many legal opinions, not enough character and spiritual fortitude I reckon. The folks who should be advocatin' for your son at this point are the Chartered Org. Rep. and Institutional Head for the organization (church, civic group?) that sponsors your troop. They are the voting members of the Council Corporation. And, to be honest, they can choose to allow your son to continue to participate in their troop (assuming liability for him themselves) even without your son being re-admitted to BSA membership. If they want to go there. No uniform or rank advancement, mind - those are BSA's.

 

If yeh want or feel the need to contact the council officers directly, those names are listed in the council's IRS form 990 filing every year. But again, that's a bit like contactin' the board of directors at GM over your lemon. The way to address council-level issues is through the COR and IH of your troop's sponsor, if they choose to become involved.

 

Beavah

 

[NeilLup]

Hello Keoki:

 

There is something that puzzles me a great deal about what you have written.

 

Your son was denied registration by the local council. So far, I understand.

 

Your son appealed to the Region. That is his prerogative.

 

The appeal was successful and the Region said that your son could register again. Hurrah!!

 

You then went back to your local council and after 60 days, they essentially said "We don't care what the Region said, we don't care that the appeal was successful, we refuse to register your son."

 

As I understand matters, they can't do that. That's the point of the appeal process. Either they are completely out of line with BSA procedures or else they went back to the Region and got the Region to change their minds.

 

It's a little like appealing a court decision, winning the appeal, and then having the lower court saying "We don't care what the appeal court said, we're going to do what we originally said."

 

Presumably you have a letter from the Region stating that the appeal was successful. Presumably, someone signed that letter. I would imagine that was likely the Regional Director although possibly somebody else.

 

I would do one of two things; which is up to you.

 

Either resubmit your son's registration with the Troop attaching to the registration a copy of the letter from the Region stating that the appeal was successful. Indicate that you have followed the appeal process, been successful and you request that the local council honor the results of the appeal process.

 

or

 

Contact your Regional office and talk to the person who signed the letter. If that person is a volunteer or is unavailable, ask to talk to the Regional Director. Communicate what you have written here that you had a successful appeal of denial of registration and the local council is refusing to honor the appeal. Ask what you should do and ask for their help.

 

Something is very, very strange here.

[keoki12]

Thanks to all for their support and suggestions.

 

We are also puzzled as to why the BG Council is not following Regional's decision. The last letter we received from the BG Council was more than a year after this all started. The letter congratulated our son on winning the appeal from Regional but stated they would not accept his application. It was at that point we hired the lawyer to act for us. She sent copies of the letter she sent to the BG Council to both Regional and National. The letter asked for our son's reinstatement to the BG Council and failing that a list of all accusations and the chance to meet with the Executive Committee to discuss/refute. When nothing was forthcoming after several weeks, she then wrote a letter to Regional and National documenting the steps she had taken and the lack of results. She also encouraged us to ask Regional for another appeal based on the BG Council's last letter, which we did, and we sent a copy to National. That was 2 months ago and we have not heard anything from Regional or National.

 

As I mentioned near the end of my letter, with the assistance of Troop 382, our son applied to a troop in another district. They drive 114 miles round trip, but after several weeks they stated they would not accept his application. Their reason was they had contacted the BG Council and was told the BG Council could not discuss it due to legal reasons. We have given the new troop copies of all correspondence and asked them to reconsider their decision. We are waiting for an answer.

 

Thanks to the therapist my son has been seeing for the last year, we have finally found a school in another county that specializes in his disability. Things are finally starting to turn around there, but we still have a long way to go.

 

I guess the main point of my original letter was to ask people to look deeper before they judge kids so harshly. I work with kids with special needs in the school system and it is heartbreaking to watch their struggles to please and fit in. As I said, I have met some exceptional people in the school environment that are wonderful with kids, but that is not always the case.

 

Again, thank you for the support and suggestions. If the new troop doesn't work out, we will look into the Lone Scout option. I am sure that Troop 382 will support him if we go this route. They have been great.

 

Oh, and by the way, the Charter Rep. wrote a wonderful letter in support when we made the initial appeal to Regional. According to him, he has not heard of any other accusations other than the one of smoking the joint, but he said the CEO is keeping everyone at arms length, stating this is between the BG Council and the parents, but then the CEO won't talk to us, the parents. It is because of the wall we can't get past that we recently got a lawyer involved. We just didn't know what else to do. She wasn't able to get past the wall either, but she was able to document the problem for Regional and National.

[OldGreyEagle]

keoki12, did you ever post this issue under the name Rikki12 in the thread "He Made a Mistake - Will You Turn Your Back on Him?"?

 

[Beavah]

[added]

Yah, good catch, OGE! I reckon that Rikki12 thread is the same poster. Interestin' to review.

[/added]

 

Oh, and by the way, the Charter Rep. wrote a wonderful letter in support when we made the initial appeal to Regional.

 

Yah, I'm with NeilLup, though, eh? I can't quite figure what's goin' on. BSA membership is da BSA's to confer. If the BSA Regional office is conferring BSA membership, and the Chartered Partner is conferring membership in the unit, then there's really nothing the council has a say in. Just send da signed application to your regional office askin' them to type it into ScoutNet.

 

Sounds like there's some additional issues or backstory at the local level.

 

If da COR is on board, then the Chartered Org. Rep, armed with a copy of the successful appeal and the blessing of the IH, should demand a meeting with the council president and SE. Up to the IH and COR how important they feel the matter is, and how far they're willin' to go to deal with the council's behavior if it's not consistent with the mission or values of da organization.

 

Beavah

(This message has been edited by Beavah)

[NeilLup]

Hello Keoki,

 

You may not want to do this, but there is a certain amount of editing going on here. I have no desire to know names, etc. but I would find it very helpful if you would type into the forum entry

 

1) The exact words (leaving out names, etc.) of the ENTIRE letter you got from the Region

 

2) The exact words of the ENTIRE letter you then got from the BG council.

 

That would be very helpful.

[keoki12]

No problem. If anyone wants me to scan a copy into the computer and e-mail it, I can do so (with the names blacked out of course). The letter from Regional states:

 

Dear Mr. & Mrs. ___________,

 

A regional review committee met to consider your requet for your son's review of the denial of his membership in the Boy Scouts of America. The committee has recommended that __________'s membership privileges be reinstated. This means that __________'s registration will be accepted if he decides to re-register with the Boy Scouts of America.

 

We are sending ___________________, Scout Executive of the Blue Grass Council a copy of this letter to notify the council of the review committee's decision.

 

Sincerely,

 

 

________________

Assistant Regional Director

 

cc: __________________, Scout Executive - Blue Grass Council

National Registration Service

 

 

 

The final letter from the CEO of the Blue Grass Council:

 

Dear Mr. ___________,

 

I am aware you have called inquiring about __________'s application for membership and I wanted to respond. Please first let me offer my congratulations to____________ on his successful regional review process. The region's ruling allows his consideration for membership through any local council in the BSA and eliminated the lifetime national ban that was originally in place.

 

As it relates to his membership application to be processed through the Blue Grass Council, BSA, the executive committee of the council reviewed the entire incident, including the letters of apology offered by ___________. It became very evident that this incident still evokes very strong emotions from those involved in and affected by it. The fundamental precept of Scouting, and particulary Camp McKee, serving as a "safe haven" was violated by staff members who were charged with the responsibility of maintaining that safe environment. Weighing all of this, the executive committee of the council unanimously supported the position that none of the individuals involved in this incident should be granted membership through the Blue Grass Council, nor will they be allowed on Camp McKee property. Therefore, I cannot accept __________'s application for membership.

 

_________ is free to apply again in the future, however I ould suggest a minimum interval of one year.

 

 

 

Sincerely,

 

 

_________________

Scout Executive / CEO

 

 

---------------------------------------

 

Regional's letter clearly states that our son's application WILL be accepted, but the BG Council translated that to mean his application would be considered.

 

Considering the lack of information, unwillingness to meet or talk to us, Troop 382 and the parent council and everyone else we have spoken to feel that the last offer to reapply in a year is only a delaying tactic to keep us at bay in the hopes that we will give up and drop it. They really don't think they will ever accept his application through the BG Council.

 

We, too, looked to Camp McKee to be a safe haven for our son, which is why we encouraged him to work there. We felt it was a safe place where he could utilize his strengths, while working on the skills he struggles with. Scouts had always been the one place that he had felt accepted, but when he felt like the new director was displeased, thngs went downhill. Our son was at a very vulnerable place in his life and we feel that it is as important for the adult managemnt to create a safe haven for the children working at camp, as it is for the children working to create a safe haven for the visitors. Our son was not the only one that felt discouraged. Every weekend when I picked him up, many of the boys were very vocal in their unhappiness. As I heard a wise man say once, "Attitude is a reflection of leadership." This does not excuse my son's action, but it does show that the incident did not occur in a vacuum. If the adults couldn't handle the stress, how could they expect the kids to do so?

 

Anyway, thank you to Beavah for the info. on registering through Regional. I spoke to a few people, and none of them knew that it was a possibility for his application to be sent directly to Regional. We'll be talking to the Scout Masters of Troop 382 when they meet again.

 

As for the posting a year ago, that was done by a close family friend who also has a child struggling with ADD. She was a tower of strength when our world fell apart.

 

[NeilLup]

1) Thank you for posting the letters. That is most illustrative.

 

2) You really need to talk to the Region. They should be able to help you. Talk to the Asst. Regional Director who signed the letter. However, you may need to talk to Regional Director and possibly to the National Council.

 

3) Someone high up in the BG Council REALLY has gotten their nose out of joint. There is something going on and there is an excellent chance that you may not be able to find out what it is. It is even possible that the primary problem they have is not with your son since you indicated that there were other Scouts involved. They may really want to keep one of the other boys out but feel that if they let your son back, they have to let the other person back too.

 

Your situation is now WAY outside my experience in Scouting and, I suspect, way outside the expertise of virtually every other poster here. That's why I suggest you talk with the Region. You also need to make sure that if your son is denied the prerogative of registering by the BG Council, it "stops the clock" for advancement and doesn't mean that he ages out of advancement because of factors beyond his control.

[Crew21_Adv]

keoki12 and Fellow Scouters,

 

Rereading the letters sent to the keoki12's family. (excerpts copied below) It appears that Regional determines that the youth may be forgiven for errors in judgment. If the letters are correct, Regional states that the youth application may and will be accepted by regional and national. But regional does not mandated that the Blue Grass Council has to be the council to accept the application.

 

I do not have my entire literature, but some fellow forum members have previously posted on this forum (and other forums), that councils are independent corporations, which contract with National BSA.

 

Possibly with the regional letter, you son's application may be accepted in the neighboring council.

 

Looking at another statement from the Blue Grass Council's letter "strong emotions from those involved in and affected by it". If you state up front any history with another council and troop. There should not be the same strong emotions, and he may start with a clean slate.

 

I am all for given a second chance where warranted. But possibly his second chance may come from a fresh set of eyes (and emotions), even if it is in another council.

 

Scouting Forever and Venture On!

Crew21 Adv

 

The committee has recommended that __________'s membership privileges be reinstated. This means that __________'s registration will be accepted if he decides to re-register with the Boy Scouts of America.

 

Regional's letter clearly states that our son's application WILL be accepted, but the BG Council translated that to mean his application would be considered.