Bullying

[SMDonHall]

 

I am new to the scoutmaster position in our troop. After our last meeting ended, one of our scouts told me about what I would consider a serious incident of bullying that happened on a recent outing (namecalling, punching in the gut, pushing him down). I thanked him for being brave enough to let me know, and I told him I would speak to the offending lad. (offender had already gone home from the meeting) I asked the boy if this same boy had ever done anything before and he told me that at summer camp (which I was not SM, nor was I there), this boy did a lot of name calling and teasing.

 

Though I am new as SM, I am familiar with the offender, and have my suspicions that he has done things like this before, but I do not know for certain. So, if I treat this as his first offense (under my watch), what is the proper way to handle it? Is it appropriate to notify the offender's parents at this point, or do I just document it this time and speak to the boy and tell him this will not be tolerated. Should I involve a committee member?

 

Just a bit of background. The troop has no formal discipline policy in place. There is no documentation of any times when the old SM may have had to talk with any of the scouts over discipline issues. Over the past few months since my tenure, I have been trying to turn the troop into a boy-led troop, but as of this point, I dont think my SPL or PLC is ready to dole out discipline the scouts.

 

don

 

[SMT224]

When I first became Scoutmaster, there were a couple Scouts who were real bully's - and they were also sons of an adult leader who had grown up in the Troop. It took me much longer than it should have to call them on their antics, and finally expel them from the Troop. Unfortunately, they caused a huge amount of damage and we lost a number of good Scouts before they left the Troop. Once they were finally gone, it was as if the sun had come out from the clouds. The remaining Scouts relaxed and we had so much more fun once their rein was over.

 

It is very difficult dealing with bullying that you do not witness. Bully's will do their best to make sure you do not see what they are doing and then look straight in you eye and lie about what happened.

 

Your description of the event is enough for a very transparent board of review. A Scout is honest, and if he lies, at the very least a suspension is in order. If there is honesty and genuine remorse, he may have learned his lesson and understand that what he did was very wrong.

 

Your correct, have a good discipline policy will help enforce the Scout Law at all Troop events. Here is ours:

 

Instruction A Senior Scout or Adult Leader will request the Scout stop or to change behavior or actions because they are not acceptable for the current activity, are discourteous, or are unsafe. Alternative to the inappropriate behavior will be offered

 

Warning If the Scout disregards an the Senior Scout or Adult Leader, he will put the Scout on notice that a recurrence of the discourtesy or lack of self-discipline will result in a Scoutmaster Conference or a Troop Committee Behavioral Board of Review.

 

Disciplinary Scoutmaster Conference The Scoutmaster or an Assistant Scoutmaster will counsel a Scout who continues to disregard instructions and warnings that his behavior is not consistent with the principles of Scouting and is unacceptable to the leaders of the Troop. The Scoutmaster or Assistant Scoutmaster will try to reach an understanding with the Scout as to why the Scout's behavior is unacceptable and to receive a commitment from him to change his behavior.

 

Behavior Board of Review Scouts who are continually in need of counseling by Scoutmasters or who exhibit extreme discourtesy or lack of self-discipline will sit before a Troop Committee Behavior Board of Review. The Board will make a decision concerning the Scouts continued participation in Troop activities based upon the behavioral history and attitude of the Scout being reviewed. Options available to the Board include, but are not limited to, the following:

* Defining a course of action and a time period during which the Scout must demonstrate good behavior.

* A leadership or service requirement may be established by the Board.

* Requiring a parent to accompany the Scout at Troop activities, meeting, campouts, etc.

* Suspending the Scout from Troop activities, such as campouts or meetings.

* Dismissal of the Scout from the Troop.

 

 

 

[Bob White]

What SMT224 recommends may seem like fine steps to take but let's remember that the BSA has policies in force that cover this situation.

 

Bullying is unacceptable in the BSA and the Youth Protection policies require that you notify the Council Scout Executive(SE)when a scout physically harms another scout.

 

What does the harmed scout want the outcome of your intervention to be? You need to know that. When you contact the SE you want to be able to tell them as many details as possible including what steps the unit is taking.

 

You also have a responsibility to inform the injured scout's parent or guardian as well as the the Charter Representative and Committee chair of the incident as their could be legal ramifications that result and you do not want them to be surprised.

 

It is the Unit Committee's responsibility to meet with the accused scout and his scout's parents to decide what the next appropriate step is up to and incluing his permananent removal from the unit. The council executive may determine that the scout need to be permanently removed from the ascouting program.

 

At no time does the BSA give the responsibility for dealing with a bully in the hands of a senior scout. The BSA adult leader training and all the youth protection training makes it clear that it is the adult leaders responsibility in every case.

 

Do not let time pass before you deal with this incident. If you wait you send very bad messages to all involved. It will seem that you condone this kind of behavior or that the ramifications for bullying are not serious.

 

 

 

(This message has been edited by Bob White)

[Lisabob]

I think you've received some good advice already. My main addition would be to PLEASE include the parents. Make sure the parents of the boy who was apparently doing the bullying, so that if things continue along these lines and eventually you do find yourself facing the decision to remove the boy, it isn't out of the blue. Make sure the parents of the boy who was bullied are informed so that they know you take their son's concern seriously and are dealing with it.

 

And yes I would include the committee in the loop, or at least bring your CC into the loop. Many SM's do a regular report to the troop committee that includes any disciplinary issues. Depending on how your troop functions, this might be a good place to let people know that there was an incident and how you are addressing it. You might decide to keep names out of it (or not) depending on the dynamic in the troop at this point.

[Stosh]

When I came on board with my unit, I announced that bullying would not be tolerated. If anyone reports to me that they have been bullied, the offending party will be finding something other than scouts to fill up their time.

 

I haven't had any problems.

 

Stosh

[Beavah]

Yah, BobWhite, there's no injury here, eh? BSA policy only requires notifying the SE in the event of an injury, not every time an incident of bullyin' or a kids' tussle happens.

 

DonHall, welcome to the rough part of bein' a SM! One thing's for certain, the boys gave yeh a vote of confidence by telling you. Now they're all watchin' to see if you really care.

 

Your instincts are right, eh? If it's comin' to light now, it's been goin' on a while, and you should treat it that way. As a SM, your duty is first to keep all of the boys safe and happy, and bullyin' just ain't compatible with that. BobWhite's right, this one jumps the youth leadership, and yeh have to respond as adults, promptly and firmly.

 

Yes, you need to meet with the boy. Yes, you have to meet with his parents. Never do that by phone, eh? Tough news has to be delivered in person. Yes, you need the Committee Chair or another adult to be there. Yes, you have to suspend the boy at a minimum, for a fair stretch. Yes, there will be tears and excuses. Yes, more than likely, yeh will even lose him, by your choice or his family's. Yes, that's OK. Yes, yeh have to let the parents of the boys who were bullied know, and let them know you're dealing with it, and let them know how proud you are of their sons for coming forward.

 

And yes, after all of that, whether the boy makes his amends and comes back or moves on, your program will be stronger for it. Because the scouts in telling you were silently asking a question. "Do you care about us?" And you answered in the only way they trust - with your actions, not just your words. And the parents know you can be trusted.

 

Your troop doesn't need a formal discipline policy. It just needs a man of courage who cares about his boys and his program. You talk with your committee chair, you do what talkin' with the boys you have to do to make sure you've got all the information, and you set up your meetings. If in the end you decide that it's best the boy be removed from the unit, yeh work that with your committee chair for committee approval.

 

Beavah

 

[evmori]

I'd have a talk with the Scout in question about his perceived behavior & let him know no matter how things were handled in the past you were not going to let it continue. You might want to include the parents, too, but there is no need to escalate this unless the incidents continue.

[SMT224]

Unfortunately the bully's I have dealt with are also excellent liars. This makes it hard to believe what they say - whether the swear they did not do it or that they have learned their lesson and will never do it again.

 

Early on in my days as Scoutmaster, an Assistant Scoutmaster and I witnessed a Scout bullying another Scout. When we sat him down with his parents (who were long time leaders in the Troop), he completely denied the incident and said he was not even in the area at the time. When we said we witnessed the entire incident, the parents said they believed their son 100% and accused us of bullying him! It was surreal. We should have thrown him out then and there, but we decided to let it go and give him a break, and he went on to do far worse before we finally expelled him. I have since learned not to tolerate such behavior, and the Troop is much better off without kids like that.

[perdidochas]

When we said we witnessed the entire incident, the parents said they believed their son 100% and accused us of bullying him! It was surreal.

 

That kind of experience is common in the schools.  I was once friends with the administrative secretary of school transportation. She said they would catch kids fighting on video, bring their parents in, and the parents would still say their kids weren't involved in the fight. 

[fleetfootedfox]

What you describe may have been bullying, or it may have been rough play. Hard to tell not having witnessed the incident. In our civilized adult world, you would expected to get into some serious trouble for punching a co-worker, but in the boy world, they have their own rules which come from a sort of animal instinct which takes years for us to master in order to become part of this civilized adult society.

 

For the sake of argument, let's assume that the boys were not being malicious but were in their primitive way actually giving the boy a chance to become friends with them. Instead of complaining to the SM, he would have been expected to fight back, thereby gaining their respect and becoming an accepted part of the group. But instead he has proven to them that he is not part of their group. He has not won their respect. He is a tattler.

 

My point is, bullying is not good, but we should also be careful not to judge boy behavior by adult standards. They are not miniature adults.

[Twocubdad]

Your post isn't clear whether or not the boy who reported the incident was the victim or just a witness. If he isn't the victim, I would confirm the incident with the boy who was the target of the bullying. His take on things may temper my response.

 

On the other hand, if the story you have can be taken at face value, I would respond quickly and decisively. You've already received some good advice on how to proceed. But I would encourage you to take a hard line with this type of behavior. It can get out of hand easily.

 

Don't fall into the trap of thinking you have to have evidence beyond a reasonable doubt before you can act. Been there, done that, got the patch. If you believe you have a resonable understanding of what took place, go with that. Boys can be experts at playing the "reasonable doubt" angle. Don't play that game. This isn't a court of law and it isn't the public schools. You need to do what you think is best for the troop.

[Twocubdad]

Your post isn't clear whether or not the boy who reported the incident was the victim or just a witness. If he isn't the victim, I would confirm the incident with the boy who was the target of the bullying. His take on things may temper my response.

 

On the other hand, if the story you have can be taken at face value, I would respond quickly and decisively. You've already received some good advice on how to proceed. But I would encourage you to take a hard line with this type of behavior. It can get out of hand easily.

 

Don't fall into the trap of thinking you have to have evidence beyond a reasonable doubt before you can act. Been there, done that, got the patch. If you believe you have a resonable understanding of what took place, go with that. Boys can be experts at playing the "reasonable doubt" angle. Don't play that game. This isn't a court of law and it isn't the public schools. You need to do what you think is best for the troop.

[BrentAllen]

Scouter760,

Perhaps you should open your copy of the Scoutmaster Handbook and reread page 6.

 

Scouting - A Values-Based Program

 

Scouting offers boys an environment in which everyone can feel secure both physically and emotionally. That sense of security comes from Scoutmasters and other adult leaders

 

* Setting an example for themselves and for others by living the Scout Oath and Law to the best of their abilities.

 

* Refusing to tolerate name-calling, put-downs, discrimination, or any form of physical aggression.

 

Please identify which parts of the Oath and Law tell a Scout to "fight back" in order to earn a bully's respect.

 

On the other hand, I can show you where the other Scouts have failed to live up to the Oath and Law.

A Scout is kind. He knows there is strength in being gentle. He treats others as he wants to be treated.

A Scout is friendly.

[Mike F]

In the long-lost days of my youth, I joined a troop which was in-between scoutmasters and under control of the bully crowd. I quit after a few months until a new SM took control and showed the bullies the door. The troop prospered and I benefited.

 

In the troop I now serve, we have a crystal-clear policy of zero-tolerance for bullying behavior. First indiscretion gets a SM Conf to make sure they understand. Any further issues get a direct ticket home no matter how far or how late. (Weve only had that happen once.) Well tolerate good-spirited horseplay, but if it turns mean, they will immediately experience the full wrath. With clear expectations and consistent application, the guys respond.

 

Results: Awesome troop spirit and the best retention around.

 

You can get control of the bullies, but its going to take a firm commitment from the top. You might lose a few who think bullying is fun or just boys being boys. Good riddance. Youll soon find others knocking on your door who want to be part of this positive troop.

 

As always, your mileage may vary.

 

Hang in there its worth it!

 

Mike

[kb6jra]

Don,

 

I "inherited" a family of bullies when I took over my troop. I knew about them as I had been an ASM for a couple of years before. I say "family" because both mom and dad considered their two boys to be infallible and "just kids". No matter how many times the boys were caught up in a bad situation, mom and dad just wanted it explained as being "just kids". It came down to me to expel them from the troop the year I took over, and it's wasn't pretty. The troop was much better off without them in it.

 

My predecessor let the problem fester, and it cost the troop. Don't let that happen to you and your boys. Get it handled right away for your own good.

 

Good Luck