Life Priorties

[FScouter]

Folks, one of the most important things we do in our lives when we procreate is to teach our offspring to emulate our ideals. Is it possible to accomplish that mission by employing proxies while we pursue our perosnal goals on the side? NO! WE, and only we, are the ones to teach our children, not the proxies we hire. Please, why hire someone else to fulfill our life mission?

[BrentAllen]

So... do your thoughts apply to moms only, and not dads? Are you saying anyone (moms or dads) with children should stay home and raise them? For how long? Until what age? Are moms the only ones that teach our offspring our ideals? Where do dads fit in?

 

[gwd-scouter]

My father-in-law used to called me a female chauvinist and a rabid feminist. I admit I resembled those labels to a point. But, then I had children.

 

My post is not meant to be an indictment of other women and the choices they make. I know there are many women who work because they must to pay the bills. I also know women who work because they want a career.

 

I had a promising career when I married. One year later I was blessed with a beautiful baby boy. I quit my job shortly before he was born. Why? Because I felt it was important to raise the lad in his early years myself rather than day care providers. My husband at the time was not fully supportive of this decision as he was worried about paying the bills.

 

We found a smaller house that we could afford on my husband's salary. We didn't eat at restaurants. Once a month we had a "date night" and went to the movies and maybe for a drink after. Visiting family out of town was our vacation. Had friends over for game night, cards, or movie night rather than meeting out for dinner and drinks. We drove old cars and husband kept them running as long has he could. When we did have to get another car, it was used and we paid cash. We paid cash for everything, except our mortgage). If we didn't have the cash, we didn't buy it.

 

I did work on and off part time evenings and weekends to put some money away in savings. That came in very handy because...

 

When older son was ready to start first grade, I went back to work full time. I was very excited about going back to the adult world. Surprise! Six months after I started work I found out second son was on the way. Yep, quit work again. My husband changed jobs to working from 4:00 to midnight when younger son was three, so since he was home during the day I went back to work. Our sons spent a couple of hours from 3-5 at a day care between when husband went to work and I got off.

 

Now, my sons are 21 and 15. I have a career I enjoy and live in a nice home in a quiet neighborhood. We drive nice cars. We live very comfortably. It took 16 years, but five years ago we took our first family vacation to the beach.

 

Maybe ours is not a typical story. I know it's an unpopular view, but I've always felt that the problems we have with children today began, in part, when women in great numbers went to work outside the home. I know, we can never go back to Father Knows Best and I wouldn't want to. The other problem I see is the generation of parents today that feel they must give their children everything: new cars, cell phones, all manner of up-to-date electronics, extravagant vacations, and so forth.

 

My boys do at times mention friends who went such and such place or just got a new gizmo. They do not show indignation that they were not afforded those luxuries, but rather give me the sense that they appreciate the priorities of our family.

 

 

[theysawyoucomin']

Who are you people to say who works and who doesn't.

 

We can all point to situations that worked and some that didn't.

 

Here's one: two little girls in Scouts together.

 

Sarah, mom is a teacher, Dad worked a 50 hour salary job, served in the national guard, worked minimum wage part time to make ends meet.

 

Kaitlyn, mom stayed home until 2nd grade, dad worked.

 

 

 

This morning Sarah is waking up at college where she holds a 3.65 cum, plans on going to law school, and is doing fine. Parents pay the full shot for school, not a dime in financial aid that won't have to be paid back.

 

Kaitlyn still lives with mommie and daddy. Last year she spent on the road with a band,"providing support*****" to the band. Has more tattoos than the lady in the circus, and a hair color that God didn't think about making. She is doing fine also.

 

That's all well and good and Kaitlyn can do what she wants and live her life her own way. WELL, SO CAN ANYBODY ELSE.

 

 

 

******** Providing support---they sure have a new name for everything.

 

Come to NY there is a ton of people staying home with their kids---I'm helping pay for them to do it. I help feed the kids,house the entire family, donate money for school supplies,pay for their medical care, baby formula,feed the whole family,pay for gas or heating fuel, I pay for them to play the lottery too. Regretably I pay to house, guard,feed,clothe some of the grown up kids when they do bad things.

Someday I'll continue to pay for them to take the bus to the Indian Casinos with their oxygen tanks in tow to spend their money on building new casinos.

It's really a great system.

 

 

GWD--your view is not unpopular it just doesn't work for everybody. What's unpopular is the 'tude you and Fscouter have that everybody else should do it your way. The world maybe did go bad when moms went to work. But a larger part is that parents don't rein in their kids actions. Alot more of those family game nights would help the nation. Time with kids that helps. Reading to kids helps. I would agree with you, when mom started to work she no longer had the energy to do it all. I can't say as I really can criticize her either. She is not working for her family she is working to support those other folks that are not working to support themselves.

 

Having a child should never be a surprise. Even the best preventive methods are about 99% effective, the label on the box just never said that the 1% happened the first time or the 99th time. Even the best goalie misses the puck now and again.

 

[scoutldr]

I'm lucky...I had two of those "one percenters". The oldest just turned 30 and came when I was a grad student and had no health insurance.

[gwd-scouter]

uz2bnowl - I never intended my post to imply that I thought everyone should do it my way. I was trying to show the option my family chose. Yes, I'm very grateful that for us it was a choice. I know full well that there are many many families out there that do not have that choice. I also know there are families that rely on our tax dollars to support them.

 

As to my second son being a surprise. Husband and I wanted a large family . After older son turned six years old, and after receiving several medical opinions, we gave up the idea of a large family. Second son was a wonderful and marvelous surprise indeed.

 

I wholeheartedly agree with you that one of the biggest problems we have today is parents that don't reign in their childrens' actions. Those of us that spend a lot of time with other people's children can see the consequences of that up close.

[Eamonn]

My Mum, was a stay at home Mum.

Looking back at my childhood, I suppose I should and maybe am thankful.

Yes there was always home cooked meals. But she was a terrible cook.

I think I was 22 before I knew that there was a difference between liver and steak!

She baked bread and homemade pies.

Preparations for Christmas started sometime in October.

Dad was the "Bread Winner".

I loved him very dearly. But he was a very busy fellow. He seemed to be so busy trying to make money that he just wasn't there.

This was one big reason why I got involved in Scouting.

 

He didn't know how to boil an egg.

He never once in his entire life changed a Nappie (Diaper) Never fed the baby.

Helped clean the house or helped out around the house.

While I'm by no means the most perfect of Dads.

I like to think that I do my fair share around the house. - When needed. We do have a Lady that comes in to clean a few times a week.

Her Who Must Be Obeyed has always worked outside of the home.

At times out of necessity. There have been times when all I had was the lint in my pocket and that pot that everyone talks about was missing.

But mostly because she enjoys working and is good at what she does.

Our son has learned as much from her as he has from me.

He has seen her juggle her schedule to ensure that she has been there for him when she was needed.

I like to think that the two of us as a team have done a good job.

I have two sisters.

One married a really nice Irish fellow. He works as a plumber. She gave up working as a nurse when they had their first child, they had one more but she was happy to remain at home. Both kids are now grown. She still remains home. The kids a girl and a boy are two very nice people. The girl works as a teacher and the boy is still a little unsure what he wants to do. He dropped out of college. He had wanted to be an accountant but had a change of heart.

This sister is very much like my mother.

The other sister is very much like my Dad.

We were all very surprised when she had a child. She went on to have two. A girl and a boy.

The guy she was living with and later married was a teacher. He loves kids and wanted them more than anything. She enjoys working and earns more money than most of us can imagine. She choose to put her career first. The kids have always had a Nanny. When the opportunity came for her (My sister) to become a partner in a big law firm she jumped at it. She was happy to move everyone over to Hong Kong.

The kids attend the very best of private schools, have impeccable manners and at least from what I can see seem to really enjoy themselves.

Their Dad is home a lot more than their mother. She provides the cash that is needed for them to live the life style that they have become accustomed too.

Both sisters made choices. All four kids seem very happy and well adjusted.

To be very honest while I love both my sisters ans my nieces and nephews. I'm very much OK with everyone doing what they think is for the best.

At the end of the day the kid that is most important to me is the one that still sleeps in my house most nights.

Over time he will decide what is and what isn't a priority. He will have at hand the example that we (His parents) have given him. What he does with it? Will be up to him.

Eamonn.

[evmori]

I'm sure there is a point to this thread but from the original post it sounds like nothing but a personal rant.

[talen333]

I posted this over in the war between the states so I'll repost here since you opened this thread.

 

Who's to say that the father won't be taking care of the baby? I seriously doubt that he will be staying in Alaska with his wife in DC. My wife makes twice what I do, with our four kids I have always been the one to stay home with them when they were little. Nobody can tell me a father can't do that job anymore than they can say a woman can't do the job she wants. It has always been in the best interest of our family for me to be the one at home who's right is it to say what is best for the Palin family?

 

[scoutldr]

I agree, we should not criticize those who make different life choices than we do. Just don't ask me to pay for it when it turns out your choice was not very smart.

 

Following what Lisabob had to say in the other thread, I wish everyone made choices that enabled them to be successful and to be able to provide for their families. BUt where does it say that the taxpayer should make sure that your choices don't cause you or your family any pain? Rather than argue over whether health care (or education, or welfare, or add social program here) is a "right" or not, should we not be addressing the root causes? Why aren't kids staying in school long enough to be able to get good jobs that provide health benefits? Why are teenaged mothers having 4 kids before they're old enough to vote? Why aren't the deadbeat dads (and moms) being held accountable? Why is welfare being provided to those able-bodied who simply refuse to work, but yet can afford cigarettes, booze,cell phones and designer jeans? I choose to support scouting because it strives to instill values on how to be responsible citizens and make ethical choices...THAT's the solution, in my opinion. Unfortunately, the majority of those we reach would turn out ok anyway...we're not reaching those at risk.

 

I'm not a hard-a**, really...I am just having enough trouble supporting my own family (which now includes my MIL), and as I approach retirement, I really don't have the resources or the inclination to support anyone else's. My wife and I put two sons through college without ANY assistance, and there isn't a whole lot left for us in our "golden years" (yes, I will get a "cushy" federal pension of about $1400 a month, plus my own savings, and my health insurance premiums will continue). Those who feel that others are worthy of their hard earned money, are free to stroke a check to the charity of their choice. Find a family without health insurance and pay their premiums for them. Or if you want to remain anonymous, start a "health insurance" fund through your church. They did that with Credit Unions, so What's stopping you? I think God would be pleased with that. Perhaps the BSA could provide low cost health insurance to registered volunteers in need? Why does the Government need to be involved??? Before anyone wonders, I do contribute a significant amount every paycheck to charity...to the tune of thousands of dollars a year. But charity should be something that WE choose to give with the amount and beneficiary of OUR choosing, according to our hearts...not something that the Govt extracts from our paychecks without even asking. The only "rights" we are born with are the right to life, liberty, and to "pursue" happiness and success. What you do with that right is up to you.