Eagle scouts

[MattR]

Once upon a time there was a scoutmaster that had a scout that wanted to become Eagle. The scoutmaster sat down with the scout and said, "you're not ready, you don't participate and help out." The scout was devistated but the scoutmaster further said "I want you to spend the next 6 months working with the younger scouts. I want you to prove to me you understand what scout spirit is about." The scout did this, became Eagle, and was grateful to his scoutmaster. About a year later another scout wanted to become Eagle, the scoutmaster said "you're not ready, you're not very reliable, I want you to spend the next 5 months being in charge of organizing scouts before campouts." The scout was disappointed but put his heart into it and did a great job. He became Eagle, and was grateful. Another scout came by, wanting to be Eagle, and the scoutmaster just had to kick him in the rear to get him going. He, too, finally became Eagle. About 2 months later another scout wanted to become Eagle and the scoutmaster said, "you're not ready, you constantly complain about everything and get incredibly defensive whenever someone tries to help you improve. The idea of cheerful service is all you need to learn." The scoutmaster knew the boy was a good kid. He went on all the campouts. He also knew the boy didn't really have a group of friends or anything else besides scouting. The scout had a wall around him that the scoutmaster couldn't figure out how to get through. What else did the scoutmaster tell him?

[frank10]

"What else did the scoutmaster tell him?"

 

Is this a riddle?

[MattR]

No, I'm the scoutmaster and I'm trying to figure out what to do.

[Dizzy ona cliff]

I may be wrong but I do not think that you can tell a boy how to have a positive mental attitude. PMA is not just the first rule of wilderness survival but life in general, and it seems like it is usually developed through gaining confidence in a fun and supportive environment.

Has this scout become involved in day camp staff, summer camp staff or OA? Is there some some task that would require much hard work on his part, and through his efforts would bring obvious joy to others?

[eolesen]

First of all, if you've done all the things you wrote about, I commend you for actually making the boys understand that earning their Eagle is a personal challenge, and not just a punchlist of requirements

 

Sounds like this kid has something else going on in his life which has left him without a lot of self-esteem, which isn't uncommon with teenagers.

 

What's his strongest skill or interest? Is there a way you can incorporate that skill or interest into something that helps him experience cheerful service as you've phrased it and at the same time would allow others to recognize his strengths in a positive way?

[eagle97_78]

I just went through Woodbadge and one of the training modules (I guess this is what you would call them) discussed a somewhat similar situation. I believe that you need to sit down and talk with this boy and try and find out what is going on with this young man. There could just be something that is causing this young man to complain and become defensive.

[MattR]

Yes, making him successful at something is key so he can see it himself. Making it something that other scouts would appreciate would also be good. Positive peer preassure would be fantastic. Thanks for the ideas.

 

But how do you get through a really thick shell? If you ask a scout to do something and he doesn't see a need for it, he won't do it. So, this is like bringing a horse to water but it won't drink. I've talked to him several times, sometimes on camping trips, with no luck. If I tell him a scout is cheerful, even when things are tough, I get a smart alec response about putting on a fake smile just for me.

 

Anyway, a few days ago I seemed to have gotten through to him by putting the hammer down and saying there won't be a Scoutmaster Conference until we find a way to solve this problem. He went through several stages of grief the next day(denial, anger, depression) and hopefully is starting in on acceptance. There's an ASM that's taking on the job of good cop. We're setting up a specific set of goals for him to achieve and it's going to be very clear what everyone has to do. This is the same thing I did with the other scouts. At this point I have his attention, I think he'll be fine, and he'll do a good job. But getting to this has been brutal on everyone. He's somewhat fragile right now and I don't like putting kids in this position because there's a risk of things getting worse and not better.

 

How have other people dealt with this kind of problem without the threat of holding up Eagle?

[evmori]

Praise him publicly! Build him up & I'd bet the wall comes down. Sounds like he doesn't have much confidence in himself & giving him tasks he can excel in would help.

 

Ed Mori

1 Peter 4:10

[Lisabob]

Matt, I can't address the matter of rank here - but from a perspective of raising young men of character I think you're doing the right thing. Kids like this can be so hard to get to and often people write them off. Kids like this are also frequently so used to being misfits and often under-achievers too, that it can take a long time for them to believe that some adult is really looking out for their best interest and not just being a jerk or causing the kid to be a further misfit. And of course sarcasm and smart alec remarks seem to be many teens' favorite responses to everything (Me: What color is the sky? Teen son having a "moment": Oh I dunno, purple with green stripes?)

 

Of course, by the time the kid is up for Eagle, unless he or you are fairly new to the troop, I'd expect he would know you and hopefully feel comfortable around you. But maybe not, maybe you're just the somewhat distant SM to him still.

 

Please keep it up with this scout. Help him identify specific times and places where he can exhibit honest changes in his behavior. He may actually need coaching or even roll playing in how to do this! His automatic response could be that ingrained. I've worked with a few young men and women (freshmen/sophomore in college age - but not so different from high school really) who needed to be instructed in how to address their classmates and professors, why certain classroom behaviors send (perhaps unintentional) negative messages to others about them, etc.. Stuff I never thought anybody would need to be told but they were so stuck in their own groove that they didn't notice and didn't know how else to respond on their own.

 

Here's hoping for a good outcome.

 

 

[MattR]

To make a long story short, I put the hammer down. The scout was angry, his parents were angry, half the district was angry. I found another adult to play good cop to my bad cop. Well, the adult mediated between myself and the rest of the world. The scout worked at camp. He came back. He smiled. He had fun. He became Eagle. He finally had his COH. He sent me a thank you letter. He said he learned something and he appreciated what I did for him. Maybe I'll be Scoutmaster for another year.

[Hal_Crawford]

Great story, a win for the good guys, thanks for sharing.

Hal

[Stosh]

Some of my best scouts were those who stood toe-to-toe and fought me the hardest, but if one really cares for these boys, sometimes tough love is the only way to break down the walls. If one is successful, one will have a fantastic scout. If one is not, at least the boy will have something to think about later in life when he realizes how much someone was trying to work him through it.

 

Stosh

[Eagledad]

Great story, thanks.

 

I found the struggle for me was finding an approach that worked for each individual scout. Each of us is inspired differently, which is why I think scoutmasters have to be creative to do a good job.

 

And its kind of funny, I heard more than once a good Scoutmasters talk about himself as the bad cop in a good-cop bad-cop scenario. I think it is a very humble statement.

 

Good job MattR

 

I love this scouting stuff.

 

Barry

 

 

[BrentAllen]

When young men graduate from high school or college, and you ask them who their favorite teachers/professors were, they almost invariably mention someone who challenged them, made them reach deeper and discover something about themselves. They never say "Oh, that would be Mr. Smith, because he made it easy for me." Your story certainly reinforces that point. Thanks for sharing.