Sick (or Homesick) Scout

[pargolf44067]

We had a great campout this weekend, our annual Thanksgiving campout (Turkey dinner with all the fixin's). Overall, the camp was a real good camp. Here is the issue. We had a boy at the camp, who has gone to almost all the campouts since he joined our troop in January. His dad has gone on some, but not on others. His dad drove down on Friday night this weekend and came back on Saturday for the afternoon. Every campout the son goes on, he has some sort of breakdown, always claiming he is not feeling well. On the campouts that his dad is on, he goes to his dad and complains. Most of the time his dad keeps him at camp. This weekend was no different. On Friday night the son was complaining of a stomach ache and a headache. I asked him if he had medicine and he didn't. Four of the adults that were staying in the cabin with him (including myself) tried to convince him to just go to bed and he would be fine (he always is). He said that he didn't want to. It was getting extremely late and the adults were tired and wanted to go to bed. Having been on every campout with this boy, I was at the end of my rope with him. I let him call his dad (NOT his mom) but the line was busy, so we convinced him to just go to bed. He got up several times during the night and dragged a couple of different scouts to go to the bathroom. He woke up in the morning and was fine and enjoyed himself throughout the day. When his dad showed up in the afternoon, he told his dad that he wanted to go home after they ate dinner. I explained to his dad what happened and the dad was fine with how we handled it. His dad ended up taking him home, which I didn't object to, since I didn't want the same scene we had the night before (I guess I am a bad SM). This boy seems to have some sort of anxiety issues, as he does a lot of the same things in school (he is in 7th grade). The boys in the troop are great with him, but I am worried that at some point they will get tired of this as well.

 

We have had other scouts that have gotten homesick on their first couple of campouts, but now are having a great time, and, in fact, tend to ignore their dads when they are at camp.

 

Some of the adults in the troop just want to tell the boy to "suck it up" and stop complaining. Trust me, I was on the verge of that on Friday night. However, I don't want to make the kid more upset as we go further. Any ideas on how to handle something like this, because I am getting to the end of my rope in having to deal with this every night at camp. Any comments would be appreciated.

 

Bill

 

 

[eolesen]

Been there done that... we had a friend of our son who would regularly sleep over, but never once made it past midnight without going thru almost the same drill, i.e. complaining of a stomach ache and wanting to go home.

 

This went on thru sixth grade. Finally, we took him RV camping with us once for a three day trip. Same thing happened, but since we were in an area with no cell coverage, there was no way to have mom or dad come pick him up. He survived, but not without a meltdown on the second night. A month or two later, he finally survived a sleep over at our house and seems to have been broken of it for good.

 

Yes, it was frustrating at times, especially when I had to get dressed and drive him home at o'dark thirty, but kids develop at different speeds. There might be some valid reasons for his anxiety that you don't know about and perhaps his family doesn't want to disclose. But he will grow out of it eventually.

[Lisabob]

Ask the dad about any medical conditions. There's a world of difference between a kid who is a little homesick, and a kid with a documented anxiety disorder. Telling the first one to "suck it up" (perhaps in gentler terms) may help; telling the second one the same thing will probably backfire and escalate the problem.

 

If there is a medical condition, ask the dad about how they deal with this, ie, medication, behavioral modification, biofeedback, whatever. Ask them to help educate you on what works and what doesn't work. And maybe this boy isn't ready for a full weekend of camping. If that's the case, maybe for a while he joins the troop on Saturday mornings and only camps one night.

 

If it isn't a medical condition you can still do a lot of the above, but you're right, that point where the other boys (and adults) are willing to put up with it will approach much more quickly. I think it is still fair to (nicely) express this concern to the parent and ask for his input. And in this case, maybe the boy only goes on campouts when dad can go, for a while. He may outgrow this fear on his own over the next year or two, and in the meantime, it would be better for him to only go on some of the campouts than to quit.

[kenk]

I agree that there probably should be some professional help involved. I suspect that the boy has issues that may or may not be diagnosed. Some parents fear a diagnosis - any diagnosis - so much that they'll avoid the issues altogether. As the father of a boy with Asperger's Syndrome I knwo what it feels like and am sooo glad we sought help very early. To be honest, the doctors really haven't done anything to help, but the knowledge of exactly what the issue is, and the research we've done on it, have been a huuuge help.

 

In addition to being an Assistant Scoutmaster for my son's troop, I'm also a registered leader (helper Dad) for my daughter's Girl Scout troop. The leader for that GS troop is also the activity coordinator for the BS troop, and a wonderful person. I'm happy to help her with the GS troop and enjoy being just as involved with my daughter as my son. So far the parents don't seem to mind even though I KNOW that the first troop leader was a father and he was essentially forced out because the parents were weirded out by a "man" leading them (sigh).

 

My daughter only joined the troop about 1.5 years ago, and since then I've been on all three overnight campouts with them (more than many GS troops by the way).

 

Anyway, on EVERY one of these the GS troop leader's daughter has vomited in the middle of the night. Nobody knows why. She doesn't seem nervous or homesick. She seems to really enjoy herself. All we can think of is that the requisite marshmellows, chocolate bars, and other junk food are just too much for her.

 

My advice will be for her to skip the junk food at the next overnight. Maybe a roasted apple would be better.

[ASM59]

Bill,

 

Note: I am not a doctor, nor have I ever played one on TV, but my wife is a nurse and First Aid MB Counselor.

 

I tend to agree that it should be clarified if there is a real anxiety disorder problem here. If there is and it is being treated by counseling or Psychiatric care/medication then perhaps parents could speak to the counselor and/or Psychiatrist for suggestions or medication. [My daughter is on medication for some social anxiety problems. She modifies here dosage depending on what she is doing during the day. If she is sitting at home, shell take one pill. If she has to go to school or work, shell take two. She says that it works.] Not that we are in the business of telling Dad or the Doctor how to medicate the boy, but Im sure that if he is under treatment, that the Doctor will know what to do to help.

 

One other thing to be sure of is that the Scout is drinking plenty of water and using the toilet. Not getting enough fluids can cause bad headaches and upset stomach. Likewise, not using the toilet (usually because it stinks) can cause the same symptoms. The second condition usually takes a couple of days to occur and probably is not the problem if it is only a weekend campout. But I used to have a Scout that got really bad headaches as soon as he was just a bit dehydrated. He would still be sweating, and his eyes could still tear-up; so he was not severely dehydrated. His first 6-8 months in Boy Scouts, he would get sick on every campout and it would always start at about bedtime. Once I realized what was happening, I would always make sure that he drank at least 8 oz of water sometime after we got to the campsite and were all set-up. At about 9:00 Id have him drink half a bottle of Gatorade (about 10-12 oz.). For the most part, his headaches stopped, but he had to be watched closely, because hed get busy having fun the next day and forget to drink enough. He is now almost 16 years old and pretty much manages this on his own now; he even brings his own Gatorade now.

 

ASM59

 

[pargolf44067]

Thanks for all the good advice. I have spoken with the Dad (and the Mom who is also involved in the troop) about this and they realize that he has a problem with anxiety. They have taken him to the doctor about this and they are working on it. The idea of making sure he drinks a lot on the campout is a good one.

 

The issue with this boy (from his parents discussion with me) is that he is not someone who goes out of his way to be social, to the parents' frustration. A lot of times he doesn't want to go places (even outside of scouts) but his parents make him go to a lot of things. When he goes and participates, he does have fun and is glad he has gone, including campouts. In fact, we did Thorns and Roses at the meeting on Monday about the campout and his rose was "the whole campout" and he didn't have any thorns! He went to summer camp and had nights (and some days) where he got very whiny and started to cry, yet, when you ask him what his favorite thing about scouts has been so far, he says summer camp.

 

I guess all boys are different and that is what makes this both challenging and fun.

 

Thanks for the input,

 

Bill

[SWScouter]

Just for fun, go watch the movie "Meatballs" and watch how Tripper interacts with and helps Rudy.

[SWScouter]

Just for fun, go watch the movie "Meatballs" and watch how Tripper interacts with and helps Rudy.

[SWScouter]

Just for fun, go watch the movie "Meatballs" and watch how Tripper interacts with and helps Rudy.

[CA_Scouter]

We have a kid who is mildly autistic and has similar issues. He gets very anxious when he is in new situations, so we do our best to keep him informed and comfortable with whatever we do. That seems to help a lot.