Am I Over-reacting?

[Beavah]

Yah, OneHour... no jab intended, eh? But even in your last post you're using all kinds of really emotional, loaded language ("physical and mental abuse" etc.). Yeh may have been objective about this boy in the past, but right now you're runnin' too hot and aren't objective at all.

 

Breathing exercises, a long walk. Relax.

 

All of us have individual kids that get under our skin. Good scouters learn to recognize that and let other people handle those kids. Sounds like this kid gets under your skin, and gets the double-whammy because he may be pickin' on your lad. I'm sorta wonderin' what your older son thinks? Isn't he about the same age as this Eagle?

 

You raise a very valid second point, though. Someone should be addressin' the older boy's behavior, or at lest keepin' an eye out in the future. That someone should not be you. It should be the SM, or the ASM for that boy's patrol or whatever. So for you, the action is to encourage your boy and his friends to bring future problems to the SM, and to give the SM a call with a "heads up". Yeh might find there's more to the story (there often is). Yeh might find the SM is "already on it." Yeh might even find that the older lad is dealin' with some other issues that are over his head, and there's grounds to be understanding.

 

And yeh raise an interestin' third point, but that belongs on a different thread

 

So, my Rx...

 

1) Deep breaths!

 

2) Buck up your lad. Express your confidence in and love for him. Help him with strategies that you think will be useful to improve his ability to cope with such things, or defend himself from such things. (Yah, and I'm not necessarily suggestin' a reverse kick to da head, though he might find that satisfyin' )

 

3) Coffee with the SM to let him know your concerns, ask him to keep an eye out.

 

B

 

[OneHour]

Thanks, B.

 

I'm chilling as recommended.

[jhubb]

I dont think your over-reacting.

However, in an emotional event, e_mail is Evil.

For day to day information and comunications, it works great(dont konw how we got along without it!).But for something that envoles feeling and emotion, there is no substute for the human voice, hopefuly with a face attached.

We all tend to say things with the commfort of no direct contact, or we read things into the typed word that arn't there. I dont mean this for just you as the victims parent, you may type the greatest, most well thought out letter in history, but everyone who reads will get somrthing else out of it.

You could use this forum as a example. It started out asking about what to do and has spun out to 2 other threads and has encluded terms like "evil eagle scout".Here it's ok ,perhaps even good to get it out of our systems, but we dont have to see the people we argue with here every day(or every scout function).

[OneHour]

jhubb ... actually, I have been very diplomatic and the email was the best medium. Face-to-face, I would not have been able to hold my tongue and all my scouting beliefs and teachings would have been out the window!

 

I have been very patient for the last 3 years with both father and son. I have been very diplomatic. I have allowed boys to resolve the problem themselves, including problems between this young man and my oldest. This young man has been less than a stellar scout, doing everything from hiding from doing troop chores to blatantly picking/taunting a younger scout, to lying and outrightly defied me, etc., ... something that I have not really mentioned. How he got his Eagle is something that will be a mystery to me.

 

His father replied to my email. The problem with meeting face-to-face, he will defend his son and I will defend mine. Let's put it this way, we are meeting face-to-face with our SM as the facilitator. I have apologized to my SM ahead of time for unscout-like behavior and I have all but resigned my post with the troop. This is good since I now I will have a lot of time on my hand to take care of the lengthy, overdue "honey do's" list.

 

B., I am still breathing and counting! I am chilled!

[ASM857]

One Hour

 

No your defending your child thats not overreacting, I know it's hard to be impartial with our own children, I was sorry to see in your last post that you had all but resigned your position. Speaking for myself I would find it hard to leave the Troop even if my son did being thier are 10 boys that I mentor in my Patrol as well as the other 40 that need guidance. Think why you got involved and do not let 1 or 2 individuals make you and the rest suffer.

 

Thats my take

YIS

Doug Buth