Anger management?

[packwife]

Hi All,

You all may remember that my son was the one who dropped the "f" bomb at camp this past summer. He never did get a scoutmaster conference. He decided to stay with his current troop over my uneasy feelings about it. Anyway, the following happened to another child this week:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Boys had their meeting this week and were going over skills needed for Klondike derby in their patrols. This meeting was on fire building. One scout left his fire burning materials in the hall and ran back to get them. During this time the rules of competition were explained. Scout comes back and breaks one of the rules. The scout says he didn't hear the rules and SM went on a rant about when and where SM explained the rules. Scout says well, he still didn't hear the rules, didn't SM know not all of the troop was there at the time? SM kicks over his fire and the patrol loses competiton. I felt this could have been handled differently. The boy is 14 and in a mouthy stage of life. What is SM going to do when the next 14 year old boy gets mouthy too? I am almost afraid to leave my son there now. Husband says son should switch troops now no matter what son wants. Thoughts????

[evmori]

Either this SM is burnt out or there is something missing from the story.

 

How far away was this hall? Why did it take the Scout so long to get the materials? Did he tell anyone where he was going?

 

Something is missing.

 

Ed Mori

Troop 1

1 Peter 4:10

[Fuzzy Bear]

 

Your SM needs training. If he would let the boys run their own program, then he would not need to rant, kick things over, or belittle anyone. He might feel less frustration if he were to learn to do his own job.

 

or

 

I remember one leader that is a current WB SM yell at his Scouts for not having their shirts tucked. He had all of the training but sometimes people refuse to believe that it really works or they just don't connect the dots. Options are always plentiful with just a little thought..

 

He also sounds like he has some kind of agenda for harsh training makes-the-man approach. That doesn't work unless a person wants to train kids for war. I also realize that life isn't a bowl of cherries but does he really want Scouts to learn his ill-tempered ways because they will follow his example(s). He needs to be video taped so that he can watch himself. I am sure he would be horrified, I hope. fb

 

 

 

[packwife]

The sm is a military officer so I'm sure you can guess how meetings are run. He treats the boys like his "troops" or people who work under him. He just seems to blow at the drop of a hat and I did notice some of the boys were worried by his reaction to this other scout.

[Lisabob]

Yeah, and what to tell your son? He's 14, right? If you "make" him switch troops against his will he will probably be upset about it and may not want to stay in scouting at all. If you leave him where he is he also may decide to quit due to his poor experience. So how about this: simply tell him, you realize that he is being pulled in opposite directions, that you'd personally prefer he were in another troop, but if he chooses to stay you'll continue to back him unless it gets to a point of serious safety concerns. (Right now it sounds like it's at a point of poor role modeling, but not outright safety issues.) Then let him know that if he gets too fed up with the current situation, you'd like him to agree to change troops and give it a try elsewhere rather than quitting scouts.

 

And then let it be. Don't initiate the discussion, let him do it. That doesn't mean you can't be active (or not, as you feel is appropriate) among the adults but let him make his own decision about his participation. He'll probably reach the conclusion you already have if things continue along the lines you've described (another troop will be better) but he'll own that decision and won't resent you for forcing him to leave his buddies behind.

 

Good luck. Easier said than done, I know.

 

Lisa'bob

[Eamonn]

It would be all too easy to post what a nasty fellow this SM is.

From what you posted it does sound like he had a very bad day.

I don't think this is about Anger Management. It's about you and your son.

I don't know you or your son, so I can only say how I'd feel.

If I was having uneasy feelings about anything my kid was doing I would take a long hard look at my options and look at my expectations.

Some parents seem to like the "military officer" type Scoutmaster. I don't.

I love the heck out of my kid. There are some things that he does that I feel uneasy about, but I have had to put my feelings aside. If I didn't he'd never be driving a car!!

Last year he and his biology teacher seemed to not be able to get along. The teacher is a friend of mine, I wasn't happy that they couldn't get along but I looked at it as a life lesson for my son. He isn't always going to get along with the people in authority. If anything I did my best to push my son to work harder and put a little more effort in. I could have gone and asked for a change of teacher.

Seems to me that you and your Lad need to talk and find out what's in the best interest of your son.

If you decide to remain with the present Troop. That choice will mean that both you and your son are going to show the Scoutmaster he deserves. If both of you are not willing to do that, I think that it isn't going to be long till your son drops out.

Eamonn.

[Beavah]

Yah, the Lisa'bobwhite shows her usual wisdom. I'd go with that, eh?

 

I'm always hesitant to judge people or programs based on isolated incidents, especially as an outside observer who doesn't know all the actors well. I know certainly I've mis-judged my response to situations sometimes, or had a kid who had gotten on my last nerve and then pushed me over an edge. I don't think I'd have looked like this guy, but I still might not have looked all that great if that's all someone saw, eh?

 

Kids are smart. They see lots of adults - friends' parents, relatives, teachers, coaches. Not every one is goin' to be a perfect "role model." Yer doin' well if they get one or two pretty good ones growin' up. It's usually enough if they've got good parents, and a bunch of adults who give them opportunities. I remember a few teachers (and one coach in particular) who were jerks. But I learned a lot from them. Includin' how to avoid bein' a jerk.

 

So I'm with Lisa. Your kid is old enough to make a call. Support him.

 

On the bigger picture side, a good CC or UC or COR might give some gentle but firm coaching to the SM, eh? I think that's far more effective then canned trainin'. Still hard to teach old dogs new tricks.

 

 

[packwife]

Thanks for all the advice. We have talked about everything with our son and by chance, he is in a group at school that meets on his scout night for the rest of the school year. He's decided that he'd like to find another troop that meets on a different night so he can make Eagle.Then he said that he'd been wanting to for a least a year now but didn't know how to tell us because we are friends with most of the adults. Kids.... sometimes they are smarter than we give them credit for.

[Beavah]

Good for your son, and good for you to support him.

 

I hope you find a happy home in a new troop, one which also has programs that challenge high school aged boys.

[Gonzo1]

Packwife,

Lots of good news here.

You and your son recognized a problem before it became a big problem.

You sought help and got it.

 

Support you son, it sounds like he'll be fine.

 

Not all military officers are bad guys. I'm one, (just retired) and I think I'm a good guy. Being an officer doesn't mean yelling at people, he's probably around adults more than kids and needs what Beavah alluded to by coaching, we call it "hip pocket training", kinda like on the spot coaching, mentoring, gentle reminders.

 

So now that your son has moved to another troop, why did I bring this up? Keep an eye out for the next SM. Observe meetings yourself, see what goes on without being in the way.

 

Best wishes,

Gonzo

[MarkS]

Why was the SM explaining the rules? The SPL leads Troop meetings, not the SM. Hopefully, the leaders in your new unit will have a better understanding of the program.(This message has been edited by MarkS)