What should I do?

[MollieDuke]

Let me first say that I work a job with kids whose behaviors are "less than optimal" at school. Now..........

 

If this child has changed schools--it's a red flag. Problems with behavior or academics or both?

 

If this child has explosive or mildly threatening behaviors, this is a sign of problems somewhere along the line. You can't assume they at scouts. It may have been a failing grade in math that day or something much worse like a stalker online. You can't ever know that, so it's hard to judge behaviors alone, but anything like or similar to a threatening stance, word, or deed should be taken care of immediately BY AN ADULT not the SPL or PL or whomever. Today's society of youth is that threats, veiled or not, usually can escalate out of control if meant, and are a cry for help if not, but either way another child cannot help on the level that boy may actually need.

 

That said, you need to phrase things with this child in concrete ways such as;

 

I NEED you to.....(explain behavior you want or job you want done)

I CANNOT ALLOW.....(explain behavior you don't want or the inappropriate actions/verbals)

 

Never say I WANT or YOU SHOULD or even worse give choices. This gives too many ways for this kid to fail.

 

The reason I am saying this is that I have many kids who are doomed to fail. They can't relate to peers/they fail, they can't write or read well/they fail, they can't control their language/they fail. What we need to do is set clear, firm parameters so there is no way they can fail then as they succeed, reward them.

 

The behavior problem children do not respond properly to regular discipline. They get defensive and withdrawn making it worse. If this child is exhibiting behaviors such as semi-threatening behaviors, anger issues, blurting issues, "I was ONLY doing....." issues, stuff like this, then he qualifies. It doesn't mean he's a bad kid. It just means he views discipline as optional sometimes and it's most likely due to feelings of inferiority somewhere else in his life that have little to do with scouting.

 

Try this site: www.disciplinehelp.com to try to understand this child better. It has descriptions of behaviors, what works, and most importantly what does not work.

 

Hope this helps.

 

[evmori]

WOW! That was a little harsh, Mollie!

 

Maybe the kid changed schools because his parents wanted him in a better school. No red flag!

 

Scouting is designed to be boy run & adult supervised. It's a lot different than school. The same rules don't always apply.

 

Ed Mori

Troop 1

1 Peter 4:10

[EagleInKY]

Let me echo the applause for Barry's post. He nailed it (as he so often does). Follow your instincts. Help the dad get over the hump and he'll be the biggest help in making this happen. As SM's we always have "projects". My project has been with me since he was a Wolf (that's 7 years now). He's come a long way and he's now one of the best Den Chief's I've seen. He's a long way from a perfect scout, but he's come so far it's impossible not to smile about him. He continues to be "work in progress", but I know he's so much farther than if he hadn't had scouts. I look forward to presenting an Eagle badge to him some day. It's with these kids that scouts can make such an impact. Take your time and do what you do best. Trust him and hold him accountable.

[Beavah]

Yah, oops. My bad.

 

Readin' my old note, I can see where oldsm went with it. I'm sorry, kemo sabe.

 

For others in the future...

 

Youth leadership and takin' responsibility is grand. Youth should be involved in the hard stuff. But just like yeh wouldn't let them do their first rock climb on their own, don't let 'em do their first "hard conversation" on their own. They need help and support. They need an example to follow. They need you to be there with 'em, helpin' set the tone. Heck, they might need you to do the first one, and just watch and contribute when called on.

 

After a troop culture gets established, and the SPL has some practice and coachin', then it's OK to let him fly solo, eh? As long as it's not in a hurricane.

 

I'm with Eagledad. Get away from email. Close the adult loop. I'd consider bringin' at least one witness into da conversation, though, like a CC or UC, in case despite your best efforts this gets "bigger."