Scout being bullied in troop

[scoutmom614]

Hi,

I don't know what to do except find another troop for my son.He is being bullied in his own troop.The patrol leader is the ring leader.He has been told many times by the troop leaders and parents not to pick on my son or the other scout also.My son and the other scout are learning disabled but have no behavior problems.My son is very respective and has always gotten awards from school for it every year.The other scouts in the troop pick on him about his speech impairment and the patrol leader has kids picking on him in school now cause he can't swimm due to his fear.I'm thinking about going to the school on this.The patrol leader knows he does'nt like to be scared or to be touched but he continues to do it.My son says he tries to ignoe it which has been going on since Feburary when he crossed over.He says he can't ignore it any longer.This last campout they had him crying because it was so bad.i'm going to talk to another troop leader who happens to be in charge of the whole district tonight.he is aware of the patrol leader's behavior problems as too seeing it last week.so,he will know what I'm talking about since he told me about it and commented to my son he is proud of him for not misbehaving.

[SemperParatus]

"He has been told many times by the troop leaders and parents not to pick on my son or the other scout also"

 

Its beyond time for the Scoutmaster and Troop Committee to take action. Schedule a meeting with the SM and CC, discuss with them the continuing problem and ask them what specifically they are going to do about it. If their answer is not satisfactory to you, then I think it may be time for you and your son to find a new troop that is more accepting.

[Beavah]

This ended up in the Girl Scout forum for some reason, eh?

 

I'll second what Semper said.

 

And then add some things for you to consider as you make a choice.

 

* How is the program of this troop in general? In other words, are there a lot of reasons to stay because aside from this one PL your son is gettin' what he needs?

 

* Is the bullying confined to this one PL, or is the lack of support for your son and his friend more general?

 

Sometimes a troop will have the misfortune of gettin' a kid who is a bully. It takes a bit of time (and some feedback from kids and families) to figure that out and respond appropriately. Real bullies are very good at doin' things only when adults aren't watching. So the conditions you describe can sometimes happen even in a great troop. If you think that's the case, do what Semper said, meet with the SM and CC, and be very firm. I'd also ask that your son and his friend be moved to a different patrol.

 

Yah, hmmm. Some parts of what yeh say suggest that the troop may have a troop culture that isn't goin' to change fast, and merits a move. Some teasing happens among all boys, but in some troops it's more "accepted" or at least tolerated. These troops tend to have adults who aren't as comfortable respondin' early, often, and firmly to kid behaviors. The program may work just fine for a bunch of strong, self-confident boys who aren't facing other challenges. But such a troop may not have the "every kid counts" service ethic that your boy and his friend really need to thrive. In that case, I'd suggest finding a troop that does.

[evmori]

I agree with Semper, too. It's time for the SPL & SM to toss some consequences on the PL for his behavior.

 

Ed Mori

Troop 1

1 Peter 4:10

[Lisabob]

Are there other troops in your area to move to? Do the other troops have a solid program? If the troop leaders in your son's present troop don't respond very quickly and if your son doesn't see a change on the ground very quickly, I'd ask him whether he wants to move. You've given it 9 months and it sounds like you've brought this to the attention of the troop before, and things were not resolved. Changing troop culture is an uphill battle, and while there are good reasons to stick it out in some cases too, if your son is persistently suffering then you have to do what's right for him first.

 

One side note, if your son does decide to move troops, I'd encourage you to have a short, honest, and polite conversation with the committee chair of your son's present troop to let him know why. I've seen it happen several times that people leave the program because of a problem, but if the leaders in charge don't know/aren't told, then they can assume there's not a serious problem and it doesn't get addressed.

 

Lisa'bob

[scoutmom614]

I talked to the CC on the phone to set up a meeting tonight.He wanted me to call the boys parents so,I did.They will also attend the meeting.I'm going to demand that something has to be done and let the school do whatever they want to do.I also got some easy to undrerstand info on my son's condition which I'm thinking of presenting to the SM.And,maybe to the kid picking on my son.My son talked to the his SM from Cub Scouts last night and my son feels so much better about his options if he has to switch to a different troop.I know the old SM talked to the SM he has now.Which makes me feel better knowing I'm not overreacting.Which I hope I don't hear tonight.Thanks to everyone for there input.If anyone has anymore ideas please post or email me.

[ScoutNut]

Bullying, in any shape or form, is NOT allowed in the BSA. If you know who your Charter Org Rep is, I would contact him to be at the meeting tonight too (or the head of your Charter Org if the COR is not available/helpful).

 

If this boy has actually touched your son (& even if he has not) there might definately be some youth protection issues here. Let them know tonight that you are not adverse to reporting things to the council Scout Executive (per YP guidelines) if this does not stop.

[yelruh]

As the parent of a son with Aspergers (High Functioning Autism) scouting and a special needs kid can be a struggle. My son is on his 6th troop. He's 17 and just found a project he wants to do for Eagle, he's started to work on getting it approved. We didn't have a diagnosis for most of his time in scouting. It's been a whole lot easier to since we knew how to deal with a lot of his quirks.

 

Both of us are fully trained, for committee and outdoor leaders, so no one can pull "you didn't do this training, so you don't really know the program" on us. The training isn't hard, just takes some time.

 

You also need to get copies of the Boy Scout Information on Special Needs, and how they should be handled. The scout shop should have them, they are only a couple of pages, but have a lot of information. I don't have the titles.

 

Also, in the Scoutmasters handbook under the section of Special Needs it says "working with Scout-aged youth who have special physical, mental or learning challenges will require patience and understanding on the part of troop leaders and other Scouts. Begin by seeking the guidance of the boy's parents. They know him better than anyone." it goes on to say. "If the troop does not have adult leaders experienced in dealing with a particular disability ... parents should understand that they might be asked to provide additional assistance with their son's Scouting experience."

 

I haven't even address the bullying and the touching. Which are big no-no's.

 

My feeling is there is a difference between teasing and tormenting. Most tormenting is labeled "just teasing". Teasing is mutual, and not hurtful. Tormenting is hurtful and one sided.

[scoutmom614]

We had our meeting the other night.I hope it works out.I met with the parents first they wanted it that way.Then the SM came out.He was going to suspend the kid for 2-3 scout meetings and a campout.but,we decided to give it one more try before it will go to that.Also the same thing for school.the kid did not attend the scout meeting later that night or the function we had last night.the parents want him to think about his actions.I think we made some head way with including the parents in the whole process..I hope this kid has learned a lesson here.And,that the other boy's will follw.The SM said that he will speak with them.