A Scout ... a Bully

[OneHour]

My son just told me that a boy from our brother troop was one of several boys who have been bullying my son and a couple of his friends (one of whom is handicap and is in a wheel chair). After talking to this girl's mother, it was confirmed that these boys have been taunting these kids and taking their food during lunch. From my son account, this has been going on for the last three months. My son can take care of himself (after all ... he does hold a 1st degree black belt in TKD), but the handicap girl is another story. It turned out that my son has been sticking up for her (a very proud moment for me when I hear this) and they turned on him. He has been holding back for the last three months. I only found out because my wife accidentally got it out of him! The girl's mother told me that this explains why sometimes she comes home hungry. As you see, it turns out that she has a special diet.

 

What should one do? I will report the harassment incident to the school for the ones who are not in scout, but what about the boy who is scouting? I found out that this one boy who is scout is due up for his Scoutmaster Conference for his Life Scout. ... I hold a highest expectation for scouts who are eagle bound. The other troop's SM and ASMs are some of my very good friends (in and outside of scouting).

 

... such a dilemma!(This message has been edited by OneHour)

[EagleInKY]

It truly is a shame when scouts don't live up to the Scout Oath and Law. You say he is in your "brother troop", so I'm assuming you have a relationship with the leadership in that unit. There's several potential approaches you can take.

 

1) You could approach the boy. As a scouter in his "brother unit", you can talk about what you've heard and discuss how it is not an example of scout spirit.

 

2) You could talk to the lad's parents.

 

3) You could talk to his SM. The SM can discuss the scout oath and law implications of his actions.

 

Bottom line, I believe you have an obligation to talk to someone. It depends mostly upon your role and the relationship with the troop. And, by the way, I would not exclude him from the report to the school. He should not get a "pass" just because he is a scout.

[CA_Scouter]

You must first be sure all the facts are correct and accurate. Remember, there are two sides to every story, and you are only hearing one side at this time.

 

Should you verify the account of the event, then all the offenders should be reported to the school authorities, the scout included ( Eagle in KY is right on! ) , and they should be reported by the girl's parents, not neccessarily you. ( Why have they not done so already? ) The girl is the one who looks like she is getting harrassed, not your son ( though I could be wrong ).

 

Because you have a personal relationship with the SM, I would mention the incident to him, but only give him the facts, not your opinion. He will have to decide for himeself how to handle it from there.

 

From my point of view, you are an interested THIRD party, not a direct participant, so you have to tread carefully. However, I feel you are probably obligated to report the incident(s) to the school authorities.

 

Good Luck.

 

 

[SemperParatus]

OH,

 

This is a very sad story...a scout stealing lunches from a girl in a wheelchair. That is really low.

 

After confirming the activity as best you can, talk with your SM friend and the school principal. Bullying needs adult intervention and this scout (and the others involved) needs to be set on the right path for everyone's benefit.

 

 

[Lynda J]

My first question is where in the heck are the teachers that should be supervising the lunchroom at school. I would have a BIG issue with that. Then I would be talking to both the other SM as well as the boys doing the bullying parents. Up front and in their faces.

[OneHour]

I talked to the four parents about their sons' action. I took the "courteous" route of allowing the parents to deal with their sons, but the handicap girl's mother went straight to the principal. The boys are now in lunch detention for seven days.

 

CA_Scouter ... yes, I did get the same story from the four "victims" (for lack of better terms). It's not one side of the story ... it's four sides of the story. Granted that the accused have not had their days and their sides of the story told, but for three months of the same action and having my son and his friends told them to stop? It doesn't take a lot to rule it ... harrassment! When you are demanding that food be given before you leave the victims alone, that's either 1) bullying or 2) blackmailing. It turned out that they started to get physical with my son this past Monday. One of them started to poke and push him, trying to provoke him. ...

 

I talked to one of the ASM who happened to be one of my very good friends about this. He indicated that he will talk to the SM to see if something can be worked into his SM Conference. This troop is one of the two troops in our area. Thanks,

 

1Hour

[dan]

grrrrrrr

 

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Sigh

 

I will say a prayer for all involved.

 

 

[anarchist]

Assumming facts as presented....

 

First, Scouting like all human endeavors has its good, its bad and its truly ugly...these boys are not all little angels...and perhaps some of what we do is character building from the basement up and we do not always succeed.

 

That said, I would really hope; (open day dream here, folks)...that the night of Mr."Donkeys" Life BoR, as he is standing outside the room, ready to be presented to the Board...the door opens and out walks you followed by the young lady in the wheel chair and your son ...staring him down (while smiling..is that too much dreaming?)... the entire way...At least for a few minutes he would (might, anyway) be feeling like the world may be about to fall in on his head...oh well back to the real world...

 

At the first instance of a repeat of this type of behavior (after the donkey and his friends are back in the lunch room (or anywhere else for that matter)... It would be time to speak to the real authorities...and I would not hesitate to warn the School Board (not the principal), right now, that any repeated bullying is unacceptable...and that the police as well as your law-suit-happy attorney will be getting the next phone calls.

Most school boards are finally getting the picture...I know at my wifes school it is a BIG DEAL.

 

Keep in mind, One hour, that while a 'donkey' who "says" he is a scout did the bullying and young man who acts like a Scout did the defending...something is working!

anarchist

[OneHour]

anarchists,

 

You and CA_Scouter are correct. All facts (from my pov) were not presented to me except from the point-of-view of the three victims. The scout may just be an inocent bystander who happens to tag along for the ride, but for three months straight, he has allowed his friends to conduct an act of misdeed that totally contradicts everything that he has been taught by the scout law and oath?

 

I also found out last night that one of the remaining boys was a scout in the same troop. He quit scouting late last year.

 

... that was my initial plan. I wanted to give these parents a chance to correct their sons' problems (knowing that I do not have both sides of the stories). If it were to occur again, I then would take it to the school's officials and if further retaliation or occurrence continues, then it will result in my legal friends' involvement.

 

Yesterday after school, my son told me that the little girl's mother wrote the principal an email about the incident. The principal got the little girl into her office and they started to call each boy to the office. So, I would figure that both sides of the story would have been heard at that time with an unbiased principal being the judge and jury. This was trictly the little girl's account of the events. My son was not called to the office to serve as witness or complaintant. The final result was detention for all four. Our school district has 0 tolerance on bullying/harrassing.

 

There's always a bad apple in the bushel, but we as scouters should be proud that we can make a difference and allow the rest of the apples shine!

 

Thank you all for your inputs as always.

 

1Hour(This message has been edited by OneHour)

[OldGreyEagle]

Something keeps bothering me, and it may just be trivial, and I am not sure if this makes a difference. But the time span of three months has been used in this thread. If the bullying has been going on, it means it started 7-11-05. give or take a few days. This means school has been in session all summer? Now it may have been, I just want to verify.

 

The reason I ask is because bullying is often in the eyes of the victim, perhaps it has been going on since school started and it seems like three months. Maybe it started late last year and the youth have carried over last school year to this year or maybe some hyperbole has worked into the claims. It may have felt like three months and its been weeks. Now, I am as adamant about bullying as anyone, but if in October I was told my son has been a bully at school for the past three months, I may just laugh in your face. Be very sure of your facts, and if they are guilty, they deserve more that 7 days detention

[OneHour]

OGE ... from my son's account, it started since the end of the last school year. In our area, the school started mid August. Should I have correctly identify it as the past three school months? Anyway, it started last school year and continued onto this one.

 

I love my oldest dearly! He is quiet and reserved. He is very patience and friendly. He is tall, but lanky. He is everything that any bully would look to pick on. I was in his shoes, close to 30 years ago, but mine was more racially motivated.

 

The three month misinterpretation or misrepresentation is my fault. My son told me that "it started at the end of last year and continued until now" (to quote him correctly).

 

I feel that these boys have gotten what they deserved and should have this lesson stuck in their subconscience. If it hasn't and they have learned nothing, more legal approach will wake them and their parents up ... including my recommendation that the District/Council not grant this one scout his eagle if it comes down to it.

 

1Hour

 

ps: one thing still bothers me though ... if these parents were truly sorry for their sons' action as they indicated to me over the phone, why haven't their sons apologized? We are listed in the directory!

 

I would have made my son comes over and apologizes if he were one of the guilty parties! But then ... that's just I.(This message has been edited by OneHour)