Do we get carried away?

[KoreaScouter]

Something my son's football coach told me the other day struck a chord, and I want to find out what you think as it pertains to us. He said he has to make a concerted effort not to "coach" his son outside of practice and games. It would be really easy to go over Xs and Os at dinner, in the car, etc, and grade his "motivation" based on things away from the field that he can't see with any other player. He tries not to do that because he doesn't want his experience to be any different from anyone else on the team, place him at an unfair disadvantage, or burn him out.

 

He's a smart guy and has been doing this for a long time, and it made me think. As my son's SM, do I "put the campaign hat on" at home (I admit I do sometimes, but should I?). Should I put him under a microscope for things I know he does, but I have no visibility on with my other Scouts? Does that amount to an unfair disadvantage? To the extent we do this, does it create burnout in our kids?

 

Please tell me what your experiences/thoughts are...

 

thanks,

 

KS

[EagleInKY]

I wrestle with the same thing. Scouting is such a big part of our lives, it's difficult to "turn it off". To complicate it, my son is a little bit of a perfectionist and very much a goal-oriented type. He's always trying to come up with ways to make the troop better. Therefore, he's always wanting to talk ideas. While great, there are times where I really want to think about something else, and this causes frustration on his part.

[Eagledad]

Great Subject KS

 

Our family really enjoys dinnertime because we get to sit and talk about everything. It's not unusual for us to sit at the table for over an hour. That being said, with four of our family registered to the troop, scouting was not allowed at the table.

 

Barry

[EagleInKY]

The other aspect to this that bothers me is trying to shield him from the behind-the-scenes politics. Scouting, like any other group comprised of people, has it's share of pettiness, grumbling and disagreements. Most scouts come and go from meetings and activities without ever knowing what all goes on. Come to think of it, so do many of the parents. Living at home with the SM, he hears a lot more of this than I'd like him to. But I guess that just goes with the territory. Come to think of it, I was exposed to a lot of it when I was a boy scout (my dad was the SM).

[Eagledad]

Good Point. My best friends was the SM in our troop before me. One campout my son forgot the stove in his patrol. I thought we adults felt the weekend was a real success for them because they ended up cooking over the fire all weekend and had a blast. The other patrols actually envied them.

 

Sunday night our families met at the church Youth Christmas Play. When my friends wife

[Eagledad]

Good Point. My best friend was the SM in our troop before me. One campout my son forgot the stove in his patrol. I thought we adults felt the weekend was a real success for them because they ended up cooking over the fire all weekend and had a blast. The other patrols actually envied them.

 

Sunday night our families met at the church Youth Christmas Play. When my friend's wife sat down next to us, she greeted us by saying "So your son pulled a really jackass move this weekend". That really hurt our family and I always remembered that. I tried and hope that I didn't say anything like that to my family. But it is hard to talk about some scouts behavoirs in positive terms.

 

Barry

 

[EagleInKY]

Barry -

 

at the church Youth Christmas Play ... she greeted us by saying "So your son pulled a really jackass move this weekend".

 

To coin the phrase of our SPL, "Two words, Un-believable".

 

I would never dream of saying anything like that to anyone in the troop. If a boy made a mistake, I may mention it to the parents, but I'd never do it in that way.

[cubbingcarol]

Well, I think you have to look at this in 2 ways.

 

1. If your involved with Cub scout age boys, then you obviously have to "scout" at home. With Boy scout ages then that is different since it is much more boy oriented.

 

2. Scouting is not sports. It is something that is lived, every minute of every day. The values we try to instill in the boys do not turn off when they leave the meeting.

 

When will a boy use the game plays he learned during ball practice 10 years down the line if he is not a professional player.

 

The values last a lifetime.

 

That's my 1 cent worth (I'm cheap )

 

Carol

 

 

[Eamonn]

Hi KS

Yet again you have pulled up a topic that I guess you knew that I would have to add my 2 cents too.

Scouts and Scouting is just about everywhere in our house. It is not possible to avoid it. The phone calls, the E-mails, the letters. There is no set time for Scouting. I am not involved in the troop that he is in.Me not being involved is by his request. He didn't want me to join when he crossed over. At that time I was already the District Commissioner. I think he was getting a bit fed up with me dragging him alone to stuff that he wasn't really interested in.

The troop he is in is by no means perfect and does a lot of things that I don't like. I do have too bite my tongue.I do remind myself that I'm not the Scoutmaster.

I am very careful not to allow him to overhear phone conversations or read E-mails which might be seen as me saying something bad about another Adult.

He seems to have this idea that I know everything!! Which of course I don't. He does at times try and pump me for information. While I do at times know things a little earlier than some volunteers, most times all the stuff I know is made public soon after I become aware of it.

He has been a Life Scout for what seems like an eon. Every now and then it will come up. Her That Must Be Obeyed, seems to want him to get his Eagle ASAP.I dearly would love him to reach the goal, but refuse to make it my goal.

He is really into the Order Of The Arrow. I am 100% for the OA and what it stands for. I really like the Lodge Adviser. But I worry that a lot of the young Adults (22-35) forget that the Lodge is part of the Council. To be very blunt they annoy me. He was going to run for Lodge Chief this year.(Some serious politicking made him change his mind) He was up at camp every week pressing the flesh. It got back to me that he was putting the present Chief down (He was also running for a second term.) This really up set me.I don't want him putting other people down ever -Especially not in the name of Scouting and not in our honor society. I did intervene and put a stop to it.

His term of office as SPL came to an end last week. He did a really good job. Mainly because he had been on staff for JLTC. While he was preparing for JLTC,he did ask me to work with him. I of course did.

I used to do things that clearly annoyed him. We would pass a Lad on the street and he would say "There's John Doe." And I would ask "What troop is he in?" He would then explain that not every kid he knew was a Scout!!

He is now at an age where he has a lot more choices and is doing a lot more things. At supper last night he announced that so far next summer he will be away for 43 days and that's if he doesn't go back to do JLTC. Announcements like that do make Scouts and Scouting the topic at dinner.

He is trying very hard to be his own man and get out from under my shadow. Some things he just refuses to understand: Venturers at the Jamboree, Venturers in the OA. I try to explain this stuff too him, but he is young.

I do try not to allow Scouts and Scouting take over everything that we do.

Eamonn.

[buffalo2]

A most excellent topic - and thanks for the perspective!

[KoreaScouter]

I realize that you can't practically compartmentalize your Scouting life (values) and your family life. In fact, I suppose you shouldn't. That said, I think I'd have made a mistake if my son were "raised by his Scoutmaster", if you get my drift. For example, if I were to lecture him on the 11th point of the Law when I find a dirty sock in his room (when I've never seen any of my other Scouts' rooms), is he in a fishbowl he doesn't deserve to be in?

 

KS

[SR540Beaver]

Good discussion and many valid points. Let me put a different perspective on it. If you are a Christian family, is it right to only bring up God, Christlike behavior or pray when the family is at church, or do you practice it at home. A Scout and Scouter promise to live by the oath and law at all times. It is kind of hard to separate life at home from life at the troop. There are times that I tell my son that something wasn't very Scoutlike just as I tell him that something isn't appropriate for a Christian young man to say or do. But I think I understand what KS is saying. I'm sure the Pastor's wife doesn't want to be preached at 24/7 just like the Scout doesn't want every discussion to be an SM conference.

 

Another note with a sports analogy. I found that when my son was playing baseball, it was difficult to coach my own son. Son's rarely thought their dad knew what the heck he was talking about while someone else's dad was the smartest man on the face of the earth. We often swapped kids at practice.

[Fuzzy Bear]

My father was the SM and my older brother was in his Troop. They openly discussed Troop problems and the problem Scouts either at home or at dinner. I overheard some of those conversations and figured that such discussions lead to change. Since I was not yet of Scout age, it lead me to think of how I could be a good Scout not like old so and so.

 

Later, I became a Scout and I held my own discussions on various problem Scouts and Troop problems. What I found was that things could get better by talking about them because action plans could be made on objects. People didn't change so easily because there was no action intended, just frustration relief. So the problem Scouts always remained the same. I had learned to judge people instead of being helpful, friendly, and kind.

 

I hope that if you decide to hold discussions that it is done in the Spirit of Scouting and that "listening ears" are given the opportunity of the right kind of training toward positive change. People follow our examples. Judgment teaches us to rush in with insufficient information and blocks us from effective involvement with others.

 

 

FB