Special Needs Boys and Bullying...

[Joni4TA]

I really hope for some great advice out there on a situation in our Troop.

 

We have a boy who is a Special Needs. He has a very dysfunctional family (ie; not very involved parents) and has anger problems and is ADHD. I believe he is supposed to be on medication but as the parents are usually uncooperative, we (Troop Leadership) are never sure if he's gotten his daily meds or what the deal is with him.

 

The same boy, the SM had to move out of one patrol because he was being picked on by the boys in the patrol. In essence, he is being bullied. Since he was moved to my son's patrol, the intra-patrol bullying has stopped but there are still boys in other patrols typically messing with this kid STILL!

 

He's no innocent. He does his share of antagonizing the other kids. Of course because he's not the epiphany of the prodigal son/scout and doesn't have perfeclty obedient and involved parents, other parents/committee members/former scoutmaster have tried to implement conditions on his attending meetings and/or campouts. One of those conditions was "NO PARENT - NO PARTICIPATION."

 

My husband is now the SM in this Troop and he said HOGWASH, he's going camping and I will be responsible for him. The boy had a wonderful campout and was fairly well-behaved. My husband, while an ASM was instrumental in getting the boy removed from the patrol where he was being treated unfairly. He's fared much better since then, in my son's patrol. My son was also given the responsibility of watching out for the boy, and not letting others pick at him.

 

My problem is, I have a set of 4 parents (2 ASMs and 2 Troop Committee members) that really have a hard-on for this special needs boy. It's their sons that have been doing the picking on the boy and they see their own children as infallible and believe it must be the special needs boy who is the ultimate problem. One of the mothers/committee members insisted she "didn't think it was her responsibility to watch other people's kids." In other words, this boy should be denied scouting unless there was always a parent present willing to sit on top of this kid. I basically told her that she needed some better training in dealing with Scouts with Disabilities.

 

Another mother claimed, "When he (the special needs boy) acts up, he needs to be removed and sat in a corner." While this time-out theory is broad, ("acting up" is too big of a window) what about when other kids "act up", such as her own son? Because one is special needs we need to drag the kid into a corner but when it's her son that acts up, we just turn a blind eye? Correct me if I am wrong but isn't that unfair and unequal treatment?

 

I offered to remove myself from the committee and become an ASM/Patrol Advisor for this boy's patrol, so that I would be responsible for him. That way neither one of these ladies needed to worry about the boy anymore. Seems to me both these ladies are adult leaders in the wrong organization if they are so adamant about not being responsible for youth other than their own. Am I wrong?

 

Is there guidelines on Special Needs boys and/or specific training that relates to dealing with them in regards to discipline/code of conduct, etc. set forth by the BSA? If so, where, if anyone knows, can I read this stuff?

 

And also, any suggestions on how to combat this?

[Bob White]

First the bullying needs to stop. Everyone who is involved needs to be made aware of the the fact that bullying anyone is unaccetable and will be dealt with according to the policies of the Guide to Safe Scouting up to and including expulsion from the unit.

 

Then they need some training in understand the diversity of the characteristics of the boys in the troop and how to better handle their actions and reactions to this scout.

 

You have already begun the next step, you need to pair this scout up with an adult or older scout to be with him all the time. Keep instructions simple, let him focus on one thing at a time, keep rewards frequent and specific. "I like the way you ......., and that's what I want to see you do each time that happens".

 

Talk to your family doctor or the scholl counselor to get more tips on dealing with severly ADHD children.

 

Good Luck

Thanks for hanging in there with this young man,

BW

[Joni4TA]

Thanks BW

I will do what I can. After all I am only one person and am only an influence on the boy and the Troop "a couple hours a week"

 

Sometimes that is enough to make a difference. if anything, my entire family, the SM, myself (Comm. Mbr) and a fellow Scout, have taken the boy under our collective wing. He deserves to be a Scout just as much if not more than any other boy in the Troop!

[buffalo2]

Joni - Bless you for caring for this Scout; we've got a similar yet different challenge in our Troop but keep trying and things will improve with time.

Take a few minutes to search through some of the older threads in here - I don't recall the poster but there were some pretty instructive links on ADHD kids and their interactions posted a year or so ago.

Good luck!

[acco40]

Pardon my French but screw the parents! Why not have your husband (the SM) ask the PLC during its next meeting, how they would like to handle the situation? They are the ones, with adult guidance, that need to handle the situation.

[Joni4TA]

acco -

I appreciate your thoughts but I don't know if we are allowed to disclose a scout's medical and/or behavioral issues to the PLC. I will have to look into that and see if that violates the Privacy Act or whatever. Not sure it would do a whole lot of good either. I mean, kids that find out a weakness of another kid usually will use that against them first, don't you think?

 

Here in the Marine Corps we have something called the EFMP - Exceptional Fam(This message has been edited by Joni4TA)

[Joni4TA]

acco -

I appreciate your thoughts but I don't know if we are allowed to disclose a scout's medical and/or behavioral issues to the PLC. I will have to look into that and see if that violates the Privacy Act or whatever. Not sure it would do a whole lot of good either. I mean, kids that find out a weakness of another kid usually will use that against them first, don't you think?

 

Here in the Marine Corps we have something called the EFMP - Exceptional Family Member Program, for disabled kids. I am thinking of scheduling a speaker to come and talk to the Troop, prior to any formal action. Of course I can't decide this on my own.... it has to be a PLC decision (guided by myself I hope). And it's the committee where I am concerned. Half the committee (and 2 ASMs) are the same parents that have the hard-on for this boy.

 

But surely they wouldn't want to deny Scouts an opportunity to LEARNnnnnnn () about their peers with disabilites would they? I am trying to be sneaky in my approach. Sometimes if ya teach kids without them knowing they are supposed to be learning, their minds light up in a sunbath of understanding!