SM trying to change my son's personality

[Bob White]

Lets not talk about the rights of a scoutmaster in this case. That refers to the courtesies due him from others. What we need to look at are the rights of the scout, and the responsibilities of the Scoutmaster. The SM has a responsibility to follow the program methods, policies and procedures.

[goodkidsmom]

Sorry, I guess right wasn't the right word. It did sound a bit too - hmmm, formal? legalistic? I certainly didn't mean to offend.

 

Let's see - Ought he? Is it appropriate? within his purview? Not sure what the right word is, but I'm sure you know what I mean.

 

GKMom

[Laurie]

I wonder if it would be possible for your son to write a note to the SM about the concerns he has that make it hard for him to speak to him? One thing one of our sons has difficulty with (I believe part is personality and part is simply that he is so young) is talking directly to adults. We, as his parents, encourage him to go to the proper authority figures as often as possible. We ask him how we can support him in doing this. One thing we've done is to say "call us if you need us to come to _______________" fill in the blank with school, Scouts, whatever it may be. At one time our son had difficulty making an apology to a teacher; he wrote it, and that led to a discussion between him and the teacher and the next time a discussion was needed, more confidence in approaching that teacher. He had trouble seeking help when bullied; he did go for help, but he made the choice of how to do so after discussing options at home and then taking action himself. Scouting has been a mix of things for our son, and sadly, not all good. It took over a year to learn why he would no longer approach his SM or any other leader for anything, and though I knew things weren't quite right, I had no idea how bad it was. During this year, we watched our son go from a happy boy to a sad boy, lose confidence, begin to challenge authority though he had not before. We thought the problem was tied to changes at home, then to school, but it was Scouting. There comes a time to become involved, and if you feel this is the time, then do get involved. But I like the advice you were given: find out what your son wants to have happen here. Help him make it happen so it's his solution, his accomplishment, his growth.

[goodkidsmom]

Hi Laurie, thanks for the thoughts. It looks like you've been doing a great job trying to get your son to speak up. It's too bad he was (is?) having a tough time with the SM.

 

Due, I think, to his depression my son really doesn't care - he'd just as soon crawl in a hole or lie on his bed staring at the ceiling (obviously we're getting him help for that). It's critical to keep him active and involved, hence Scouts and Karate. If we didn't also participate in activities with him and, when necessary, speak up for him, he'd likely drop out.

 

The idea of having him write a note is a good one, but my son is also dyslexic and avoids writing as much as possible; he'd want ME to write it, and the SM would likely know or suspect that I had.

 

We hope that improvement in the depression and maturation will lead to improved confidence, etc. - but in the meantime we need to help on the things he can't do for himself (e.g. standing up to an authority figure who is apparently in the wrong) and/or the things that are really important. In other cases, if he doesn't speak up then he'll have to take his lumps.

 

Thanks for writing, GKMom

[Laurie]

GKMom, wow, that's a tough one then. I'm sorry your son finds things so very challenging. It is good that he has support

 

As for our son, the SM is not a bad guy at all, and I realize my post made it sound that way. I won't go into the problems publicly, but I did want to clarify that I am not against that SM. He gave our son a great introduction to Scouting, and for that I'll always be grateful.

 

Good luck to your son as he works this all out!

[EagleInKY]

Laurie - Great idea on writing a note. My son had an issue with a school counselor. He didn't have the courage to talk to him directly about it (he was only in 5th grade at the time). He ended up writing him a pretty passionate letter. By the time he wrote it, he had the courage to hand it to him directly. I don't know if the counselor has changed his ways, but I know - for a few moments - a young child shook his world.

 

GKM - We have some dyslexic boys in our troop. They find that typing is easier than writing. I'm sure you've heard that, but it may be worth a try. Or, you can type his words for him. I'm sure the SM will be able to tell the difference between his words and yours. He'll know it's from him.