Reluctant Scout Parent in AZ

[asichacker]

I have a Stepson (SS) in Scouts.

 

I'm not involved...found that since I was not a Scout that there's no use for me there (they've made that obvious). My wife is heavily involved.

 

I don't see much benefit to the whole scouting thing...a lot of unnecessary risks...SM's and ASM's seem to be into the testosterone rush and rather than having the boys learn stuff that is useful in modern society.

 

Chaotic troop with no real leaders in the ranks.

 

I am tired of clean and putting away camping gear every few weeks so I can get my garage back. Seems the Scout won't do it.

 

Still, I'm trying to find a positive.....just no succeeding.

[kbandit]

not alot of testosterone here. LOL Why are you cleaning and putting away camping gear? Part of scouting is teaching the scouts responsibility. They do it.

 

Why not sign up as a leader or committee member? You do not have to have previous scout experience.

 

Yeah the scouts can be chaotic at times but that is part of the growing up process.

 

I see lots of positives in scouts such as a scout doing something by himself, Learning responsibility, leadership, accountability to one's self and others, working as a group to obtain a goal and on and on.

 

To me your statement "I'm not involved...." makes me think you feel left out. Sign an application and get involved and see the scouts through the years change and grow will make you proud you did.

[DYB-Mike]

Asichacker, Im confused. Didnt you cover these issues in your Scout Step Parent with Issues thread, which is fairly recent? You got some good advice there (and Im not just referring to my posts).

 

Why the new thread? Do you expect something different?

 

YIS

Mike

 

[ScoutNut]

Have you considered that the problem might not be with the Troop? It might very well be with your attitude that you show to them. I don't know about you, but I sure would not want someone working with me who thought that what we were doing was a waste of time.

 

I also would not want someone working with the boys who thought following the program was a waste of time.

 

Why not simply step back, and let your wife, and stepson, do what they seem to enjoy doing.

 

 

Edited to add - Don't blame the Troop because your SS is not picking up after himself. That is purely a parenting issue between you, your wife, and your stepson.

(This message has been edited by Scoutnut)

[Gunny2862]

As a Scout Dad, Scoutmaster and as concurrently a Parent, I occasionally find myself having to figure out which hat I'm wearing when I'm talking to Scout son, Current SPL, or the kid - all the singular same person.

 

Don't blame activity he would do if he went camping with friends on Scouting - if he knows you'll clean it up, well, that's him playing dad for a sucker - mine tries it on occasion also.

 

Ever try to un-mold a sleeping bag, my son has, after spending a weekend sleeping ON it(it was too gross to get in). All of a sudden cleaning and drying post campout takes on a whole new importance when he realizes that just because I've taken care of my gear doesn't mean I took care of his...

 

Scouting isn't the cure-all for poor behavior choices (certainly not in the first year, and Scouters(registered Scouting adults) aren't substitute parents. But if the kid will buy in, and is properly mentored - I can't help but believe you'll enjoy the results in two or three years. But you can't abandon your parenting duties either.

 

Just because I wear the Scoutmaster patch doesn't mean that at times I'm not dad, either also, or instead depending on the situation.

[Eagle92]

A few thoughts.

 

#1 take a look at a video call Scoutmaster Fast Start, it show's that a typical troop is "organized chaos" becuase it allows the Scouts the freedom to learn things, try new things, and fail id need be. Sometimes life's best lessons are the result of failure. And having a scout fail in an controlled and safe environment is a good thing.

 

#2 While the visible signs of what scouting teaches: camping, cooking, axmanship, etc may not be relevent to today's society, the internal or non-visible signs: self reliance, leadership, service, independance, self confidence, etc ARE needed now more than ever, and ARE relevent.

 

#3 You are viewing the adults as leaders, and that should not be the case. THE YOUTH are the leaders, should be runnign things, etc. Adults shuld eb their to advise and mentor, and if you got a good troop going, the older scouts are performignthat role for the younger ones. One of my personal heros who I look up to to this day was the first SPL of the second troop I joined.

 

#4 The scout should be responsible for his own gear,a nd that includes not only buying it himself, but taking care of it. How that goes about does vary from family to family.

 

Good luck.

[Gunny2862]

As to Scouts or Scouters having no purpose for you.

 

Ever meet someone who disapproved of one of your major hobbies? Did you think they were a swell person and rush to involve them? Would it be more of an issue if what you did served others and was at times inconvenient for you or ate significant portions of your vacations and other free time?

 

Those Scouters may be seeing someone whom they wonder why you are there since you don't approve, and if you don't approve then why would they try to involve you?

 

Two sides to a coin man.

 

Look, you can either choose to play along, or not, no one can pressure you either way.

 

But do consider this - this is possibly the BEST association your child can make before college. He will forever meet people who were in Scouts and have common frameworks to discuss issues - much like college fraternity brothers - it doesn't take being in the same class year or the same university - one look at that fraternal pin and you may have just made the sale, gotten the job, or made that contact that otherwise benefits him. Same idea with Scouting less the beer AND probably a better chance of influencing the guy with an improved or more solid character.

[Mafaking]

 

You said you are not involved but the wife is.

 

I have had more then my share of domestic disputes between divorcing parents. One parent likes scouting and the other feels its stealing time from their visitation rights. It goes down hill from there.

 

Since the biological mom is involved they are likely keeping their distance from you. Especially if you have expressed a non-value added compliant about the benefits of scouting.

 

For a while your plan should be to keep a very distant supporting role. Your financial support will be more valuable and appreciated then your grumbling pessimism on campout about the non-benefits of scouting.

 

 

 

 

[Scoutfish]

let me tell you about one of my personal observations: Golfing is absolutely one of the stupidist, worthless, purposeless, and high risk "sports" i ever saw.

 

You hit a ball away from you only to chase it down, just so you can hit it away again! Pretty much you just stand there and swing - not high physical sport if you ask me. Way less if you use a golf cart.

 

 

Might even be some beer involved. Sometimes way, way too much beer!

 

All in all, no benefit I can see.

 

But then about 8 years ago, my nephew joined his school's golf team. He got alot more exercise golfing than he did playing the X-Box. He also spent more time in the great outdoors soaking up fresh air and sunlight.

 

But something eklse happened. He learned to set goals forhimself. He mmade a point to not only commit to something, but to increase his skill at it.

I have been told by many golfers that they started out for just fun, but somehow,, you always challenge yourself to get better at it/ You always try to lower your score. It becomes a competition with yourself.

 

Now, I used to work at a goilf course for a few years when I was 18. Never took advantage of the free games or cart useage the employees were allowed. I just did my job so I could get home. The only thing I got out of that job was an obsession for a neat manicured lawn at home.

 

So, here's the thing: While I see no usefullness or practical application to playing a game of golf...so what? I don't play. But I won't argue to those who do enjoy golf that they shouldn't.

 

Some people paint, some dance, some go jogging. Others build stuff or fly model planes. I like to fish and camp. It's my thing.

 

Maybe you could look at this scouting thing as your SS's and wife's hobby. It doesn't have to be yours. No big deal.

 

Hey, if nothing else, you could go fishing, bowling, watch old war movies or even go golfing while they are scouting.

And your wife won't be calling to ask when you are going to get home.

 

It's a win -win situation!

 

As far as the sleeping bags.. If you can figure out how to get SS to clean up after himself...write a book! I'll buy it and so will millions of others!

 

Then you can retire in a year and do more of whatever it is you do while they go camping!

[Basementdweller]

Troll alert.

 

Please don't feed the troll.

 

 

[AlamanceScouter]

Didn't he post this before??

[Basementdweller]

He has no use for scouting and does not like his wife and Step sons involvement

take a read

 

http://www.scouter.com/forums/viewAllPosts.asp?userID=62270&p=1

 

Just trolling and venting his frustration

[Fox 76]

Wow.

 

Basementdweller isn't kidding about the Troll remark.

[SSScout]

"A troll is a member of a fearsome humanoid race from Scandinavian folklore, and its predecessor Norse mythology, as in "The Three Billy Goats Gruff [1] (http://www.surlalunefairytales.com/billygoats/)," the well-known Scandinavian folk tale in which a troll living under a bridge torments some billy goats that want to cross. Grendel in the poem Beowulf is a closely similar creature. The word "Troll" is possibly derived from an old norse word meaning magic, cf. Swedish "Trolla", Danish "Trylle" (Perform magic tricks)."

 

"In Swedish children's literature, trolls are not naturally evil, but primitive and misunderstood. Their misdeeds are due to a combination of basic and common human traits, such as envy, pride, greed, navet, ignorance and stupidity."

 

"There is a theory that the trolls are a distant memory of modern man's encounter with Neanderthals. Some also claim that the Neanderthals may well have lived into historical times, and may be remembered as trolls."

 

== on line Dictionary==

 

Troll on, you wide Missouri, troll on !

[OldGreyEagle]

<I thought it was>

 

TROLL TIDE!