Dad wants his boys to sleep in his tent

[Its Me]

At our recent campout we were told by a dad that his sons were going to sleep with him in their family tent. The youngest boy is the patrol leader for one of the patrols. So his patrol buddies pitched two tents next to each other and six boys piled into two tents. Their Patrol Leader slept with his dad and brother some seven tents away.

 

To compound this, the family's oldest boy took over for the senior patrol leader when the SPL left to attend his senior prom. Thus, we had our senior patrol leader and a patrol leader sleeping in their family tent with dad.

 

What is wrong with this?

What should be done?

 

(This message has been edited by Its Me)

[Aquila calva]

OK. I'll start.

 

Who is DAD? Is he a registered leader with any training in the Scouting program? A little understanding of the Patrol method would help.

 

So who decided to "allow" the older boy to become the replacement SPL?

 

Carry on.

 

 

 

[eagle97_78]

There is nothing wrong with a boy or boys sleeping in the same tent as there parents, as long as they are his children. It would be nice for the father to let the boys grow up and become independent, and let them enjoy scouting without him telling them what to do. I f the scoutmaster was okay with the situation then you just need to just let it go or you can talk with the committee chair and see how they feel about the situation. Just take it like it was a grain of salt.

[Lisabob]

What's wrong with this? Probably all sorts of things.

 

Why does dad seem to feel it is necessary for his boys to sleep in his tent? Do these boys ever go to camp outs without dad? If so, what do they do then? How long has this been going on? (I seem to recall you are fairly new to the troop.) And has anyone in a position to do so (like the SM or the CC) talked with dad about how his insistence is causing a problem? He may not quite understand that although parents should be welcome at troop events, boy scouts is not a "dad and lad" or family camping club.

 

What is your position in this? Are you a new parent just observing? An ASM? A committee member? And how well do you already know the SM and/or CC? Because if anything is going to be done, I think they - probably not you - are the ones in the position to do it. Not to say you can't offer your friendly perspective of course, if you think they'll be open to hearing it.

 

 

 

 

[ScoutNut]

First of all, my question is - Whose tents are these? Does the Troop have their own tents, or are the members supposed to supply their own?

 

We get only a very small portion of the picture and are then required to post a relevant answer. This is not going to happen!

 

If a family tent was all that was available, then of course this is fine! If the boys are using Troop tents &/or if this was a special thing for only this family, then I would have a talk with the families & explain the workings of a troop.

 

The whole SPL thing could be avoided if you had a temporary replacement already designated. If this boy just took over, on his own, that is not correct.

 

However, it seems to me that the identity of the replacement SPL is not as much of an issue as where, and with who, that boy slept during the campout.

 

 

[scottteng]

More info needed! here was my first reaction what did those boys do to get dad so upset he was willing to punish himself and them so severely on the weekend. Sounds like they did something worthy of restriction and was then reminded campout this weekend and did this to ruin their fun for the weekend. You'll go but I'm coming and you'll sleep in my tent rather than with your buds to show one and all how immature you are. I know my son would regard this as high punishment and would prefer to not go on the outing. Think about it do you really want kids in your tent or bedroom? Adult punishing themselves for being too quick on the your grounded trigger.

[scoutldr]

The original post said "their family tent". The "temporary replacement" for the SPL should be the ASPL. The PL should sleep with his patrol.

 

Agree with the others, "need more data"...

[epalmer84]

Father and sons camping together is OK, so perhaps there is something else going on? Generally, we discourage this after the first campout or so and try to draw parents in with the other adults. I find that parents tend to do things for their son instead of letting him work with the patrol.

 

There is an issue in that patrol method is broken. Patrols camp as patrols; adults should act as a patrol and tent away from the others. To encourage this, our adults are in the Old Vikings patrol; the emblem is a horned helmet with crossed crutches.

 

Ed

[evmori]

There is nothing wrong with a dad & his boys sleeping in the same tent together.

 

That said, others have asked excellent questions we need the answers to so we can go further.

 

Ed Mori

1 Peter 4:10

[LongHaul]

I really can't see what the problem is. What actual difference does it make where a boy sleeps when we limit the discussion to a POR? I can't perform my duties as PL if I'm 7 tents away? I can't perform my duties as "temporary" SPL if I sleep in a tent with my father? What is the real issue here?

LongHaul

[orennoah]

My eyes have been opened by the different viewpoints expressed above.

 

In my Troop, a father sleeping with his boy(s) would not be tolerated. We would view it as a violation of the Patrol Method, as there's an inevitable conflict raised in the Scout as to whom he is camping with, his Patrol or his family.

 

Each Scout should feel as if he is away from his family, regardless of whether one of his parents is along as an adult leader. Being away from family is a critical step in an adolescent's maturation. Sleeping with dad is not part of our program.

 

The dad's role on the campout is to support the adult leadership, the less interaction with his son(s), the better.

 

I would have thought this view would have been universal. Apparently, other Troops do not have the same approach to the Patrol Method.

 

- Oren

[GernBlansten]

My son has Type 1 diabetes. Our first year with the troop, I slept with my son because if he has a problem, I've have to deal with it quickly. Damn the patrol method. You see, stress, cold, exercise, diet all play a factor in keeping him alive.

With experience, I became confident he could make it through the night without me waking every 15 minutes to see if he was still breathing. 3 years later, I still set my tent up near his and inform his tent mates about what to look for. I still wake up every 15 minutes wondering if he is still breathing. But I realize, he needs to be one of the boys too. Every morning when his tent flap opens and I see him wiping the sleep from his eyes, a warm feeling overcomes me because he was just one of the scouts.

[Its Me]

 

I am new the troop as we joined some five weeks ago. I am the ASM for the New Scout Patrol. The dad is a committe member.

 

There were enough tents as the pratol in question had an unused two man tent. Plus one tent was large enough for four tenderfoots.

 

Longhaul the issue is that the patrol method is not being used.

 

The problem is this has been occuring for a long time. On our previous campout another family had the same situation. Even Cubs are allowed to come on campouts. I checked the SM handbook and could not find where Cubs are prohibited.

 

I like the idea of having an adult patrol. The SM is and Eagle scout from this exact Troop. When I discussed how I want to bring the NSP up to speed with patrol flags, calls and camping as an indepdent patrol he is all for it. He encourages me and gives me copies of his boy scout manual from 1978.

 

What I don't understand is how he got to where he is at. He knows how the patrol method works. He has deccribed how he took his patrol on hikes and outings without an adult when he was patrol leader.

 

(This message has been edited by Its Me)

[scoutldr]

If the issue is the patrol method, then that's the issue you need to address...then the sleeping issue will take care of itself.

 

The only camping allowed in Cub Scouting is family camping. That's a CS policy, so naturally you won't find that in the SM Handbook.

 

Gern, no one mentioned that there were special medical concerns in this case. Of course, there should be exceptions for medical issues.

[evmori]

How is sleeping with dad a violation of the Patrol Method? I agree the boys should be sleeping in tents with their patrol mates but not doing so violates nothing.

 

Check the G2SS or Nationals site about Cubs camping with Boy Scout Troops. It is a no-no!

 

Ed Mori

1 Peter 4:10