Mom- he was sexually abused, authorities handling it

[airborneveteran]

The boy's mom wanted me to know as a friend and a den leader. He's going to be a Boy Scout in just a few months.

 

**Not** by anyone in scouts past or present.

**Not** by anyone under his roof.

Mom said Child protective authorities **ARE** involved.

 

 

What are my obligations as a scout leader:

 

1. to the boy(s) there are brothers who were abused by a relative not living with the boy(s)?

2. to the program?

 

As a leader, I want to know this from parents and am glad they trusted me enough to tell me. I imagine that as a boy I would only want those who need to know to be told so I could heal and get on with my life without everyone treating me differently.

 

I'll read all the YPT stuff again when I get back in town but hearing from experienced scouters will help me frame my approach to handling this information.

 

***I'm going camping now*** but this is heavy on my mind. I'm heartbroken for the boys. I'll look at this when I get back in town. Please don't think I abandoned my posting after dropping something like this into the forum. I'm not normally a seagull poster.

 

 

 

 

[packsaddle]

I've never confronted this situation so I can only answer how I'd like to 'think' I would treat them.

I would try to treat them exactly the same as any other boys, while keeping in mind that if their interactions indicate problems, knowing the potential source of the problems might assist in addressing the problems. But until hypothetical problems arise, I'd let them just be boys...and hope that they can.

 

Edit: Almost forgot: what's a seagull poster?(This message has been edited by packsaddle)

[FScouter]

I don't think you "do" anything. You have a little knowledge now that may add some context to the boy's behavior or reaction to situations.

[qwazse]

My first thought ...

 

Treat him as any other boy who needs a place to have fun and not be a victim. Keep in mind that for every parent who would tell you such a thing, there may be another who would never give you the heads up. So confidentiality is important.

 

With that in mind, when it comes time to discuss abuse (e.g., your pack might show the movie "A time to tell.") You'll want to give mom the heads up. It might rub salt into the wound, and the lad might be better off not being there. If anyone asks why he's absent your best reply is probably "They had a good reason, don't recall what it was at the moment."

 

As far as program, you might want to be a stickler for YPT guidelines. Still be polite and everything, don't refer to this case, but remind parents regularly about one point or another and how accountability is an important part of the program.

[Eagle732]

"what's a seagull poster?"

 

My guess is a poster who squawks a lot but doesn't say anything. Don't look up when the seagull posters are flying around!

 

Seriously, treat the boys the same as the others with the knowledge that those horrible thing that happened to them will effect them for their entire lives.

[Deaf Scouter]

For BSA you have the YPT rules and good suggestions already on the boards here but I'd add in 'google' too. You've got the age of the scout so I would google behavior patterns of children who have been abuse to add more knowledge to yourself.

 

Posters are correct in its important to treat them just like everyone else but the same time this child now knows things he shouldn't know so sometimes their reactions and behaviors aren't like other children. You as an adult will have influence in helping them overcome and get back to normal while moving forward. Do keep that confidence that the mom gave you.

[Beavah]

A seagull poster is one who flies in, drops a bomb, and flies off.

 

Yah, airborneveteran, this is one where yeh quietly say a prayer each night for the lads, then file it away as background information. Yeh don't change how your troop does anything. You don't change how yeh interact with the boys. Yeh want the lads experience with scouting to be normal, eh? Not too standoffish by overhyping YP, not too close by becomin' solicitous of their feelings.

 

Yeh ask permission and tell one or two other key, trusted adults in da program. Yeh want a couple others to be alert, and be ready and informed in case there are any unanticipated behavior issues. There may well be some, eh? Acting out, too angry for da circumstance, too fragile for da circumstance. Hard to say how it goes, eh? Depends where da kid is at.

 

Periodically or whenever yeh feel the need yeh give feedback back to the mom about what you're seein' in terms of their behavior, so that it can be passed along to any counselors involved. That helps, eh? Yeh get to see the lads in a different environment than either mom or school or counselor does, and knowin' what's goin' on helps. At da same time, yeh ask mom if there's anything in particular that she or da counselor feels the troop could be doin'.

 

And yah, yeh want to be extra sensitive if yeh do a youth level YP session. That's one to talk about with mom and counselor ahead of time. Sometimes, depending on where a lad is at an older boy scout could help lead it. Sometimes it's OK for him to just participate, but especially at cub age yeh have to be ready for him to blurt it out to other boys either during or after in small group discussion, or to break down or get teary. Sometimes it's best for 'em to skip that night.

 

So it's "Be Prepared" in full measure, but keep doin' your program da way yeh normally would. And save those few minutes each evening for prayer, eh? There are some things that are just too big for us, and we need to turn 'em over to da Great Scoutmaster of all Scouts.

 

Beavah

 

 

 

[Basementdweller]

that is great she let you know up front......How many times have parents dumped boys with issues on us only to be discovered, on camp outs or odd moments.

 

Obligations NONE.....

 

With no frame of reference on the mom and boys personality or mental health.....Is there a dad in the picture??? is he in therapy???

 

My advice is Protect yourself first and foremost. The lad knows the system and could cause you some problems if he gets mad at you or another leader and wants to retaliate.. Been there done that, mercifully not me.....The other leader was suspended and then reinstated, but it changed him for ever......

 

Again, this is advise based on not knowing the folks involved and erring on the side of personal safety.

 

Always two adults, always always always even transporting with the troop to events.

 

Beyond that, Treat him like any other scout.

 

I have a boy who father committed suicide, as noted, anything can and will cause him to break down. Have a couple adults aware and tasked with keeping an eye on him and watch for it to start, get him aside to talk about it and help him thru it.....Make sure you report what is said to whom ever picks him up, not in front of him....

 

 

Again, This kid could be the best kid in the world or a rotten vengeful one......You just never know.

[DeanRx]

Yeah, as others have posted... you treat him the same unless you need to intervene because of a behavoir issue. He might over-react, might under-react to streesful situations. My only expirience was a youth that had WAY too much knowledge about how things worked (birds and bees wise), and for whatever reason was sharing his knowledge with fellow scouts - at about age 10. Come to find out after the fact, he had been abused - so had 1st hand knowledge of how things work. Mom didn't want to anyone to know, so she didn't bring it up. However, would have been a nice tidbit of info to have, as myself and fellow adult leader(s) would have likely handled the situation differently if we had the backstory info.

 

Makes me wonder about his likihood of being an abuser himself once he grows up. Most boys 11-14 y/o are in the talk and giggle about it stage, or eeeewww its gross stage. This kid was fascinated about ways and techniques. Not something you want as a topic of conversation on scout outings.

 

Not saying this youth will be the same, but a word to the wise to be on the lookout for inappropriate language / discussions. In my book, more likely than an over-sensitive or overly hostile kid. Kids like to talk about what they know, especially if they are percieved by other youth to have subject matter knowledge others do not. Unfortunately, for kids of abuse, they have knowledge about a subject that is both taboo and intriging, yet unknown to most of their peers. This puts them in a position to be the "subject matter expect" so to speak when these types of conversations come up. Lots of strange stuff gets talked about in a tent full of scouts - you need to be aware this may be an issue and have a plan on HOW to handle it before you are faced with it.

 

Other than that - I'd treat him like any other youth. Best of luck.

 

Dean

 

[IM_Kathy]

as a survivor I'll give some advice...

 

treat him same as any other scout... but be watchful! watch for change in moods they can change quickly - if parent/guardian is not present let them know how it changed and what was going on when the change happened as those are things that therapist and parents need to know as these can help with learning what triggers the boy. also be mindful of him developing inappropriate behavior - depending on the abuse he could now enjoy sexual behavior. while the majority of abused people actually do NOT become abusers themselves the introduction to sex at an early age can make them more curious and experimental than what is normal for their age.

 

and as another person mentioned - if doing a pack/troop activity on recognizing abuse and such I would give a heads up to the parents. Even with me years after the abuse and many years of therapy I get triggered every time I go through Youth Protection Training! But I know most of my triggers and know what to do when I am - this boy may not yet.

[airborneveteran]

Thanks for the input. I'll go with the consensus and respect the boy's privacy since authorities were already involved and this was something that happened outside of scouting.

 

As the boys are in the process of wrapping up Cub Scouting and moving to Boy Scouting I do think I'll encourage the parents to extend the benefit of the info they shared with me to their son's scoutmaster once that decision is made.

 

Tragic. He's one of the nicest kids we have and plays exceptionally well with the other boys. He's the Webelos II I guess will make Eagle first (just based on positive attitude and general competency) if these crimes don't cripple him.

 

 

 

Oh, Beavah got it right. Seagull posters swoop in drop a mess and fly away.

 

(This message has been edited by airborneveteran)

[Sentinel947]

Hopefully this child doesn't lose his ability to trust adults. Part of the beauty of Scouting is having adult mentors outside of your parents to turn to for help or advice.

 

Good luck with this situation, and Seagull posters are always welcome in my book.

[Backroads]

Speaking as a former educator...

 

It sounds like your actions for all things legal are fairly taken care of. Others more highly trained than you are handling the "big stuff" and you are planning to review the YPT materials. I think it's good.

 

As for social interaction with the boy... I think others have had that covered. You are in the invaluable position of knowing a little something more about this boy and can offer sympathy and support. But in general, let him experience a healthy boyhood experience.

 

If Mom is willing, you might consider upping the communication with her, the two of you exchanging signs of anything being wrong or abnormal in his behavior.

(This message has been edited by Backroads)