Blindsided by Parents

[Ohanadad]

I just a call from my CC that either a parent or parents (who want to remain ananymous) complained that I was too hard on the boys on their MB requirements. He said that the parent said that the boy(s) were thinking of quiting because of it (really? I'm not the only MB counselor around here so I'm sure that was added for effect). I admit that I'm a stickler on the requirements and I expect something that at least a little time was put into completing. My thought that this isn't cub scouts and "best effort" doesn't cut it anymore and the boy needs to meet the requirement. If it needs work, I'll talk to the boy and point out what needs to be improved. Most do the fix and he's good to go.

I guess what really frustrates me is that these "adults" didn't have consideration to talk to me about this and went to the CC instead. Should I try to find out who it is and go and talk to the parent(s) or just let it go and chalk it up to experience? Maybe I've just been lucky, but in all my years, this was the first time I got blindsided. Most times, if we have issues, they come out and we worked to resolve it. Not this passive-aggressive stuff. I got to admit that it's stuff like this that sometimes makes me want to just say I've done my time and go back to spending my weekends watching TV. I heard there's a great game called football that's one right now.

[Nike]

Let it go.

 

 

[dg98adams]

Nope I would do nothing... and not spare one thought about it.

Its refreshing to hear MB Counselors.... holding Scout to the requirements... no more no less.

 

Advice: let those who wish to seek happiness elsewhere do so.

 

MB's are fixed in place, "don't want to do it, won't earn it".

[qwazse]

And what exactly are you worried about? That you'll get a percent decrease in base pay? That your reputation as an easy going MBC is ruined forever?

 

You know what happens when you do something (anything really) for someone (anybody really)? Someone is not going to like it!

 

Thank the CC, and tell him/her that you'll do some soul searching and in the future you'll do your best to adhere to the letter of the requirements. Talk to the SM and tell him that you've heard rumors of boys thinking of quitting on your account and ask him to touch base with the CC about it. There may be other issues, and you might have been the first name the boys mentioned. Every now and then parents take something they hear and blow it out of proportion.

 

Now if there was a specific requirement that's up for interpretation, give your district advancement chair a call or talk to those other counselors.

 

Meanwhile, for which MBs can I send my son to you?

[Eagle732]

First of all I think the CC should either tell you who complained or should have totally disregarded the complaint and not even brought it to your attention.

 

Then the CC should have informed the parent that the MBC / Scout relationship is between the two of them and doesn't involve the troop committee at all.

 

I do Hiking, Backpacking, Canoeing and First Aid MBs.

I'm really hard on the scouts I counsel, I actually expect them to read the merit badge book!

 

 

 

[GKlose]

A couple of recent happenings for our troop:

 

- since we had trouble with attendance on service projects, we decided to try calling an annual project for our CO (cleanup duty at the annual picnic) a mandatory service project. Of course, we knew that several families might have prior obligations, but we were trying to get them to commit to something they otherwise wouldn't even think about. But apparently we rankled one set of feathers. One mom called the council office and asked if troops were allowed to have mandatory service projects. We don't know who it is, and we don't know what the council said, but we wish the mom would have just talked to us first, and that we could have explained our rationale.

 

- there were two Scouts that came to me for Cooking MB. They'd done two other MBs with me, and I could tell they were the types to try and slide by on the requirements. So I kind of drew my "line in the sand" with Cooking MB. One Scout, in particular, kept trying the argument with me that the SM would verify that he'd cooked on outings before (however, in the two years I'd been in the troop, I'd never seen the kid actually do anything!). I told him that I would not pass him unless I saw him actually cook.

 

He also tried to play games with the details of the requirements -- his menus read like he was joking with me (he listed "mango" as a fruit for every meal, and listed "Mountain Dew" for every beverage). The backpacking menu didn't have weights listed (I consider that a key part of the intent of the menu), and his regular menus didn't have real costs on them (another key part of the intent, I think). He didn't list cooking equipment, etc. Lots of things missing.

 

I wrote it down for him -- after he gave me a set of menus, I wrote down everything that he still needed to do. He waited a month, then turned in the same menu again. A wise guy.

 

After that, I didn't hear from him again. Later on, when I checked our troop's advancement records, I saw that both Scouts had completed it with another counselor.

 

At that point, I decided I wouldn't be counseling them again. It's not worth my time.

 

So, maybe all of this is an argument why troops should not encourage their own local MB counselors (unless, of course, they are in such an area where there aren't any other choices, or they are assured that their own counselors do actually follow the requirements)?

 

Guy

[packsaddle]

It's between you and the boy. The parents are free to make any noise they want but you control your signature. That's that.

 

I'm the MB counselor for Env. Science and some of the other nature-related badges. I am fair with them and I don't sign until I'm satisfied that they actually understand the ideas. Some of them have to work a little harder than others.

Some of the boys try to avoid me because the word is out that they can get the badges without doing all the work if they do them at summer camp. That's beyond my control.

 

 

[Eagledad]

Im trying to understand why the CC called you. Are they asking you to change or just passing along information. Its ok, even behooves, unit leaders to expect counselors follow published procedures and performance. But if you are following the published procedures, what is the point of contacting you? The CC needs to be diplomatic with everyone while at the same time providing a buffer between parents and unit volunteers until the misunderstanding is resolved.

 

Its not a matter of who is right or wrong, it is a matter of everyone agreeing on common expectations of all the scouts. The CC shouldnt be passing along ananymous parents opinions, they should working to find and educate everyone of the units common expectations. If the counselor isnt following the published expectations, then some training is required. If the parents or scouts have different expectation than what is published, their expectations need to be changed.

 

I would contact the CC and ask exactly what they are expecting from the MB counselors and scouts. Then get everyone on the same page. The CC shouldnt just be passing along grumblings and complaints getting folks upset, they should be finding and fixing the misunderstanding.

 

Barry

 

[CalicoPenn]

I think folks are missing a key word here. Ohana didn't say he got contacted by A committee chair - he said he got contacted by MY committee chair. That leads me to suspect that Ohana is an MBC for a troop. If it was a random CC, I'd invite him not to send any lads from his troop my way. From my unit? I'd tell the CC that I would drop the merit badges immediately, even in the middle of counseling scouts, if the CC even thinks about attempting to force me to water down the requirements, and doesn't back me up 100%.

[Eagledad]

>>I'd tell the CC that I would drop the merit badges immediately, even in the middle of counseling scouts, if the CC even thinks about attempting to force me to water down the requirements, and doesn't back me up 100%.

[Stosh]

Penalized for doing it correctly by blind-siding parents? One is going to see more and more of that in the years to come. Parents aren't paying all this money for their lazy son to miss out on the Eagle Scout resume reference. It used to be a scout earned the Eagle rank, now it can be accomplished and/or paid for by their parents.

 

Once one gets to the point where it is no longer worth it to waste time with such nonsense, it's time to move on with one's life. As long as one feels there are one or two deserving boys out there, that may be enough justification to hang in there. Otherwise, there are other options out there that are just as valuable to a person as scouting. Only you can make that call.

 

I still have a loose connection to BSA as a UC, but this summer alone, I have earned the 50 miler twice. Both times, I often thought how many boys could have benefited from it. No longer my call, but it's a shame nonetheless.

 

Stosh

[Sentinel947]

"From my unit? I'd tell the CC that I would drop the merit badges immediately, even in the middle of counseling scouts, if the CC even thinks about attempting to force me to water down the requirements, and doesn't back me up 100%. "

 

I second that, only I would still finish with any Scouts I was still counseling.

[Eagle732]

"What if you are wrong? Why is it parents and scouts are always wrong until proven right and MB Counselors are just, always right? "

 

This is why I disregard all anonymous complaints. How is the MBC suppose to respond if he doesn't know the specific situation that caused the complaint?

[Papadaddy]

Another reason why the MBC was designed to be a District position, and not a troop position. The CC and parents should have no say in how the MBC approaches the job. That's up to the District Advancement Committee.

[Twocubdad]

In our troop, the conversation with the CC would have ended with "good job, Ohana, keep up the good work" and a sincere handshake.

 

The problem, Edad, is unless there was more to to conversation that Ohana related, he has no basis for determining if there is a problem and what it is, much less whether or not he is in the wrong. I would be curious to learn if there were any specifics mentioned. Is there a specific requirement they think he's adding? Is there some interpretation he is applying improperly?

 

I'm with E732. Absent any concrete issues which can be considered and remedied, this is just a coward parent whining their son isn't being given a easy pass.

 

But the real problem here isn't with the parent, rather with the CC. His response to the parent should have been, "let's get Mr. Ohana and your son involved and figure out what's going on." If they don't have the cajones to have a real conversation, the CC should then tell them there is nothing he can do if the parents are unwilling to help solve the problem.

 

And who wants to bet the genesis of the problem was the parent asking the Scout why he hadn't finished the MB yet and the Scout responding he hadn't finished because Mr. Ohana isn't fair, he's too hard and being a meanie-weanie?

 

Nah, a kid would never do that.

 

At this point, Ohana, I'd send a note to the CC that absent a conversation on the matter between you and the Scout, there is nothing for you to act upon. Your standards are what they are and certainly won't be changed based on inspecific, anonymous complaints. As always, it is up to the troop to use you as a MBC or not, but if not you hope they will have the courtesy to let you know and not waste your time by leaving your name on the list.