Forum responses to parent questions & complaints

[JMHawkins]

So, why do we care what Jerry Sankusky did? I mean, after all, he didn't kill any of those boys. Didn't do any physical damage to them. So what's the big deal? Why do we care?

 

We care because he did emotional and psychological damage, and that kind of harm is worth protecting our kids from just like physical harm. But... abuse isn't the only way of causing emotional and psychological damage to a kid. It may not even be the worst way. It also causes grave emotional harm to a boy to grow up without any significant invovlement in his life from adults - especially adult males - in his community. If every grown man the kid comes across declines to show any emotional interest in the boy out of fear of being thought a pervert, and if the few men brave enough to care anyway are chased off by well-intentioned but overzealous wardens, the boy won't be any better off than if he was molested. Plus, as Beavah has pointed out, molesters will befriend a boy in order to gain his trust and isolate him. If none of the decent men in the community will befriend him out for fear of their reputations, then he will be easy prey for the pervert that comes along and is willing to give him what he desperately wants and can't get from anyone better.

 

So hyper-vigilance and adopting an "if it only saves one child" zero-tolerance, presumed guilty, approach to protecting kids from molesters is not free. It carries it's own very serious risks to the child's health. If you run off the only man willing to be a mentor and friend to the boy because you jumped to the wrong conclusion based on half-understood facts, then you are the one causing damage to the boy. It's a fine line and we have to walk it, but it doesn't help that so many people fear the rare but spectacular danger and aren't even aware of the far more common but less obvious ones.

 

Raising kids isn't easy and there aren't simple rules that we can blindly follow to produce good results. We have to think, reason, use our judgement, and make decisions that have consequences. It's scary being a parent. A Scout(er) is brave.