When Leaders Divorce

[Flyingfish]

How do you keep the unit from being harmed when the leader is going through an increasingly ugly divorce? Both parties appear to have a scorched earth policy and many fear the damage that can be done to the unit. Personally, I think its time for them both to step away from scouting until they can resolve their personal business. Your thoughts?

[Eagle92]

Don't know about unit level, but can tell you about this happening on the district level.

Long story short, all three committee members were no longer involved at the district level, and only 1 remained active in scouting, but on the unit level.

 

One committee member was having an affair with another member. When the spouse, also on the committee, found out, a restraining order was filled out against the adulterous spouse. Some council event occurred and the separated pair were both in attendance, which violated the restraining order. That's when all three were taken off the committee. I do not know if membership was revoked on the two having an affair, but the offended spouse stay one with the Venturing crew one child was in.

 

Personally I think the COR and CC need to ask them to stay away for a spell.

 

[noname]

Whatta ya do- Ask dear Abby! We had a deal where the leaders were co-habitating. Well some well meaning parents took it upon themselves to end this leadership example. So here we sit with no troop left in our town and the thousands of dollars of equipment went to someone in council. My advice- step up and be in charge in the 'background' if need be. the boys dont need that drama as a role model. Personal or not, it is only business and the business is the groups well being!!!

[desertrat77]

Must have a frank talk with each party (separately though) and lay down the law. If they can't conduct themselves in a scoutlike manner, then they should to do the right thing and take a hiatus from scouting. If they can't find the willpower to do it themselves, then they need to be shown the door. Many of the scouts deal with discord at home, they don't need extra helpings of it at scout events.

[Beavah]

Yah, when two pseudo-adults get in on the ugly divorce/scorched earth thing, trust me they aren't goin' to listen to reason, even from friends. They want friends and everybody else to choose sides.

 

This is where yeh need an older, well-respected member of the unit. Your "wisdom person" who isn't a peer/parent of the squabbling couple, but is generally seen and respected as at least a moral authority in the program. Sometimes that's the SM, sometimes it's a long-time committee member or chair, sometimes it's da COR or IH.

 

That person needs to be the one to meet separately with each party and tell them that they're taking a haitus from scouting. Gently, firmly, with respect and dignity. With an open door down the road once they have worked things out. If it's a boy scout unit, arrange carpools and such to allow the boy to continue to participate. If it's a cub scout unit .... good luck. Yeh probably can't avoid havin' the boy step away as well.

 

Hard as it is, yeh do need to build some firewalls to protect the other boys and families, because these things truly are fires. Like modern political parties, everything breaks down when all each person cares about is winning rather than workin' together to do what's best.

 

Da tragedy is how much lifelong damage it does to the kids.

 

Beavah

 

[Tampa Turtle]

When I was timing out of my Pack I was at a campout where the vibe was weird. Turns out that Mr and Mrs Den Leaders were feuding because Mr Den Leader had an affair with (the very fetching) Ms Tiger Leader. Talk about explosive material! Fortunately Mr and Mrs went out soon to Boy Scouting and made whatever accommodations needed. But this triangle nearly brought down the Pack.