how would your troop handle a rumor of a bisexual scout?

[5yearscouter]

Mom talked to scoutmaster

he says his hands are tied he cannot tell her anything without permission of the committee.

she talked to the CC

he says he does not know details of the meeting, and suggests an in person meeting to find out what is going on, that he did not tie the scoutmaster's hands to keep him from talking to her.

 

She called me and asked who could have tied the scoutmaster's hands.

I told her I would imagine that if SM had reported to the SE that the SE could have told him not to talk about it, and she should call the SE to find out if it's been reported.

 

She is afraid that if she talks to the SE that she will have burned all bridges and there is no way to keep her son in this troop that up until recent year has been a very fine troop. Her son wants to fight to get the troop on track, not abandon it.

 

so she wants to wait a bit.

 

I suggested she tell the CC, COR and SM that she needs the report of what went on in that room and any allegations against her son by tonight or first thing in the morning.

and then she has no reason not to go to the SE.

 

we shall see....

[ScoutNut]

Just curious - What did the mom do when her son came home from staffing Scout camp in June, and told her what went on?

[The Blancmange]

 

he says his hands are tied he cannot tell her anything without permission of the committee.

Nonsense. This investigation/inquiry/inquisition/witch hunt/whatever you want to call it was created by these leaders out of whole cloth. There are no rules, except for what they have made up.

As Moosetracker suggested earlier, it is very unlikely that anyone involved with the unit has consulted with the SE about this. The SE certainly would have put a stop to this "investigation" and conducted his own proper one.

The SE needs to be informed of this, before it gets further out of hand. Especially in light of what happened at summer camp. The scout and his parents would also not be unreasonable in filing a complaint with the EEOC for the harassment that ocurred while he was a camp employee.

It is the troop who has abandoned the scout, not vice versa.(This message has been edited by the blancmange)

[Eagle92]

Eng,

 

This is a very, stress VERY, delicate area. Yes adults need to ask questions, and I strongly recommend 2 adults via YP, but it needs to be done privately and with respect to the youth. One reason why I think the adults handled it wrong: they made a very PUBLIC affair of it. Now it is going through the troop like wildfire.

 

 

I don't think anyone on the boards is trying to say to "keep it in the family" or sweep it under the rug. Rather they are saying that the matter should be handled in a private way to respect the privacy of the scout involved. Trust me even if the rumor is 110% incorrect, the thought does linger for a long time. The guy who had his pictures taken while in the shower that I mentioned previously still had people thinking he was gay 3 years after the event took place.

 

When the youth staffer approached me about being propositioned by the other youth staffer, I took a walk around camp, out of my trading post, so that we could chat privately and not have to worry about others overhearing stuff, being interrupted, or having the youth staffer in question know what was going on since he worked in my trading post. Again this was in respect to the YOUTH's privacy who approached me.

 

In regards to the youth who had the accusations made against him, no one, repeat NO ONE, on camp staff except the CD, the youth who was approached, and myself knew why he was leaving, and we all kept our mouths closed on the matter. Again it was a matter of respecting his privacy. Like I said already he applied for camp staff the following, and was accepted until the DSS found out before the contracts were sent out and said "NO."

 

 

 

[dewASM]

I am always amazed at how quickly the claim of confidentiality or 'my hands are tied' comes out after someone has done something ridiculous or just plain wrong. Suddenly they don't want to talk about it. By then it is too late. If they did not want to talk about the situation with a Scout's parents, they should never have brought the subject up with the Scout.

 

BTW, I recognize the need for not addressing an entire group but am talking about a minor's parent.

 

And I believe that if these adults truly believed they were doing the right thing and protecting other Scouts, they would have no problem explaining their actions to a parent. I wouldn't.

 

[moosetracker]

Eagle92 - understand it is a very delicate situation, but the fear of going to the higher ups that can stomp it into the ground is going to keep them victims of this vicious crew, if they don't plan on running.

 

Bottom line, does the scout feel he has been falsly accused? If so, then stand up and get the higher ups to address the issue and stop these vigilantees in their tracks..

 

It is similar to a rape victim not comeing forward to the authorities for fear. In the past there was reason to fear, police did treat the victim as if they somehow invited it, not anymore, yet victims still fear reporting the incident for fear it will come back to it being their fault. In the meantime, 3 others are raped..

 

The Scouting community is trying to keep this tarnished reputation of their opinion towards homosexuals & athiests in check with the public by stating they have no ill will towards these groups, they just don't want them as their members.. If an SE or any scout professional gets wind of a possible lawsuit that will show them as a committee going a unfounded "gay" hunts similar to witch-hunts they will be definately ready to put an end to it, and that means asking your scout & his family how high they would like them to jump.

 

As someone stated the rule is the good of the community out way that of the few. What I disagree with is his opinion that that means the troop will win over the scout.. No way.. The fear of alot more negative publicity on their anti-gay stance, means that the the could loose many current & many potential future prospects.. Sorry over hundreds, the troop looses.

 

 

This is NOT.. I repeat not stating that the family needs to go public.. It is stating that the FEAR by the scouting professional of it going public if they do not handle it correctly, will keep have them working for your friends, without them even making the threat. In fact they can state to them very frankly one thing they want is for it NOT to go public, and for the council to find ways to undo the damage the idiots have done to their sons reputation.. I bet the Council Execs will happily agree that making it a public matter is not what they want either, and the family is being very sensible.

 

Bottom line is if your scout feels he is in the right and wants to fight. Then, he needs to go in with a strong one/two punch and knock them out.. Not have this dwindle on and on and on, for months, withe the 5 leaders feeding the juicy gossipy news to everyone around them..

 

There are many things not adding up in the stories.. Find the incosistancies to prove the leaders are in the wrong.. Here is one.. They state they are trying to keep it private, yet they hold a meeting with all the scouts waiting outside with nothing to do while it is conducted. And the SM states he needs committee approval to release information to the parents, or the scout.. So therefore for the committee to vote on it, all committee members must know about the incident (not private).. The the Committee Chair state no knowledge of it.. So then is it not a topic at the committee, but the SM is just making up stories about why he can not talk to the people who are most affected and need to know what the charges are..??

 

I agree they are making up tales as they go.. Follow the bread crumbs and piece togeather proof for the Council and help with support for the family to give them the courage to walk in and demand Council support.. They deserve it.

[Basementdweller]

At 17 this young man is hardly a child. At 17 most of who he is going to be as a man is in place.

 

 

It was handled poorly. I would not have permitted my son to be questioned by the Adult troop leadership in that manner. To be real honest, his sexuality isn't their business anyhow.

[Engineer61]

Question:

 

If this situation happened in a school setting (public or private) how would it get handled?

[moosetracker]

Is this a serious question Engineer?.. Because BSA is being removed from schools and PTA is ending the chartering of troops due to BSA's stance on homosexuals & atheists.. Our DE is finding them fabricating reason why we can't send out flyers and have to force them treat BSA equally, so they have to allow all youth organizations or none from promoting at schools, all due to the BSA's stance.

 

Therefore they would never have a need to question any student on their sexuality, or consider it a reason to suspend them from school, or treat them any differently then any other student..

 

Now maybe you could find a conservative religous private school.. For them, they follow their own rules and may think an interegation is perfectly acceptable..

 

(Are you maybe asking about any type of issue?)

 

Something like drugs, or bringing a knife or gun to school. Then it is definately to call the police in..

 

Smoking in the bathroom? Or stealing something high end like a laptop or guitar? Or a school fight.. That I don't know, I know it use to be a trip to the principals office

for some grilling and trying to get you to confess, but since my days in school, there has been alot of new "student rights" put into effect.. My son got suspended for fighting, but there was no investigation as he admitted to it.. Got suspended for a few days, I wasn't even asked to go talk to the principle or anything, and we didn't fight the decision.(This message has been edited by moosetracker)

[The Blancmange]

 

If this situation happened in a school setting (public or private) how would it get handled?

I'm not aware of any schools that have policies preventing individuals with different sexual orientations from holding leadership positions, or otherwise treating them differently. So, I suspect a situation like this would never happen in a school. More generally, I can't imagine a school confronting a student about a serious allegation, without keeping the parents in the loop. I know our school district has several pages of policy related to student discipline. It provides various levels of due process protections, based on the severity of the conduct and possible punishment. They include such things as written notice of the allegation and advance notice of a hearing, the opportunity to present a defense or explanation, and in the most severe cases, a hearing before the full school board. I suspect most districts, and even private institutions, have something similar.

As for the allegations of how he was treated at summer camp, the story related here is a textbook example of how that should NOT be handled. (This message has been edited by the blancmange)

[Eagle92]

Moose,

 

Beleive me I understand the chain of command. I know that things like this need to get reported to the SE or his designated representative ASAP.

 

I stress designated rep because there are a few situation where you need to go to someone else, i.e. camp, when the SE is out of town or unavailable, etc. That's why I reported my incident to the CD.

 

I know when I had to deal with a situation at camp one year, situation was dealt with by the CD and myself, then I informed the SE.

[OldGreyEagle]

Eng asked:

 

"If this situation happened in a school setting (public or private) how would it get handled?"

 

 

He would be handed an application to join the The Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender and Straight Alliance and that would be it

 

 

(This message has been edited by oldgreyeagle)

[Eagle92]

Eng

Depends. Public school I'm not to sure about. Depending upon the private school, he could be kicked out or asked to not return at the end of the year. Or an investigation could be launched.

[BadenP]

 

It amazes me how many posters here have missed the point entirely. What has happened to this boy is tragic to say the least but it is NOT meant to be

 

A platform to create a public outcry against ill treatment of gays or bisexuals by a handful of ignorant scout leaders who should have known better.

 

Using this boy's dilema in any type of public way to demand these leaders be disciplined, that should be handled privately, solely, quickly, and discreetly by the CO and SE.

 

Publicly talking about this boy's sexuality, this would only result in this boy being scarred emotionally for life, chastised by his peers, and sending him into a socially isolating mindset, not to mention possible suicidal thoughts.

 

The ONLY thing that is important here is the boy and his welfare NOTHING else. Making this into a public spectacle is not only irresponsible it is absolutely ludicrous.

[Basementdweller]

Depends on the private school

 

Several around here would welcome him, others would bounce him out.

 

Public school nothing.....

 

 

Remember scouting is like that private school, membership is optional.