How to support split family boys for camp

[Beavah]

Yah, in the original thread Engineer61 goes a bit OT in raising an interestin' question. How do we support boys from joint custody arrangements where the non-local parent gets custody during the summer? Particularly for camp.

 

 

[John-in-KC]

I'm a divorced Dad, albeit local. I was also the non-residential parent. Our divorce and relationship post-divorce was nasty. My son did not go to Scout Camp his first year in the program. She refused to concede the time. The next several years, I asked for my summer parenting period the week after our camp draw. I'll leave the rest of the story on the table.

 

The only advice I can offer to unit serving Scouters is: Do whatever you can, whatever you must to get a Scout to summer camp. The kid needs it. If necessary, get with your District Chairman. Somewhere in your District there's a volunteer who is an attorney. While he/she won't enter the case, he/she may be able to either tell you some of the landmines you'll be walking in, or if you're really blessed, make a phone call or two (attorney-attorney) and lower the drama.

 

ETA: Yes, I went to camp with my son. Now, I did work to stay where I could see him, but not necessarily be directly with him, especially as he got 15 and older. OTOH, the last several summers when he as a camp staffer, I was serving the same program as a campsite commish. He had his tasks, I had mine. We'd see each other at mealtimes, but usually he ate with the youth staff, and I ate with my campsite or the adult staff.(This message has been edited by John-in-KC)

[Pack212Scouter]

A few years back we had a boy in our Pack who's parents were part of a very nasty divorce. As it turned out, it was so bad that he had a court appointed attourney to represent his interests. Anyway, the short of the story is that he very much wanted to participate in Scouts, but his parents were using it as leverage against one another. The court appointed attourney actually wound up getting a judge to rule that the parents had to allow his participation in Scouts.

[Nike]

Shouldn't summer camp be the week that nobody "gets" the poor kid?

[moosetracker]

Hmmmm.. Our troop have the opposite problem two boys, when their parents were together they were drop off kids. My husband or I saw the mom on occasion if we were doing a MB with them.

 

Now the parents are going through a nasty divorce.. And BOTH are at every meeting, sitting on opposite sides of the room, and wrestling for (I don't know what since the kids are doing their thing in with their patrol.) But it is obvious the parents don't want the other parent to out do them in parenting..

[pchadbo]

My son is a Wolf, I have been divorced for a year and a half now, he started scouts just after the divorce. I am lucky, my ex "gets it" she sees scouting as an oppotunity for my son (he asked HER if he could join) and she sees scouting as a great time for father-son bonding as she has primary custody. We will be going to summer camp together this summer and my daughter will be going to camp the week before. All will have fun. But again I know that I am very lucky to have a decent post-divorce relationship ( if only we had gotten along this well before the divorce. . .)

[Eamonn]

We at the end of the day are volunteers.

Most of us are not qualified as Family Counselors and need to be careful that what we do is not seen or perceived as meddling or interfering.

I have never gone through a divorce.

I did watch from the sidelines when my brother and his wife split.

They thankfully didn't have any kids, but for a fair amount of time it was all out and out war.

I of course love and care for my brother, I also liked his wife (Now ex-wife.) A lot.

At the time when they decided that the marriage was at and end, they seemed to both want things that they could fight about. Kinda like they were both out to score points on who could find something that would upset the other.

A situation that wasn't helped by what I seen as overly zealous lawyers.

I think if they'd had a child they would have used him as part of their game of oneupmanship.

I have had unhappy Lads who are Scouts come to me and inform me that they can't do a Scouting activity because they have to be with a parent who has reasons mainly the parents reasons why the Lad can't.

I have a few times visited with the parent and asked on the Scouts behalf if he could attend the activity?

Sometimes this has worked, sometimes my request has fallen on deaf ears.

I think it's important that we remember that the Scout is their son and we need to respect the wishes of the parent. Even when we might think that they are wrong.

We also need to try to not take sides, while at the same time being there for the Lad.

Kids in families that are going through a split are stressed out and confused enough. If we allow ourselves to add to this, we really are not doing anything to help and risk adding more stress to a situation that is hard enough on the Lad as it is.

At times the most we can do is just be there and be willing to listen.

Things do, after a while seem to settle down.

Parents stop the fight or the Lad finds his own voice and is able to make his own case.

Ea.

[John-in-KC]

Nike,

 

If the divorce is between reasonably mature people, yes.

 

Sadly, too many divorces are between immature people, mine included.

[Basementdweller]

GEEEZUS,

 

So now engineer wants me to give up another week of vacation to take the boys to camp. Engineer why don't you step up and offer to lead the second or third week of boy scout resident camp instead of complaining about it. Get off the bench, stop complaining and do something about what you view as being wrong.

 

Here is my camp schedule for this summer, now keep in mind I get three weeks of vacation from work. June Boy scout camp 1 week, Early July cub day camp 5 days, Late July Webelos resident camp 4 days, Early august Crew backpacking trip 1 week. I haven't included a family vacation in there anywhere. Not complaining just sayin thats all.

 

Yes I have asked and have additional volunteers and have a number lined up. Hoping to get the ACM trained this year to be the walker at day camp next year, have some parents stepping up too.

[moosetracker]

Basement, Did I miss something? Engineer is not even on this thread.. No one is talking of extra weeks of camp. Is maybe this post on the wrong thread?

[pchadbo]

Moose,

Or did we hit a nerve and find a couple dealing with this exact issue only in cyberspace instead of the "real" world?

[Basementdweller]

Moose, Follow the link from where the thread was spun from.....

 

for some reason Beavahs spin link isn't exactly right Engineers post is on the bottom of page three in the thread.

 

It is pretty easy to lob comments from the cheap seats and do nothing.....It is an entire different story to man up and do something about it.

[Gary_Miller]

While this may sound gruff. Its a fact.

 

"Its not mine or the units problem, its a family problem. While we would like to work around everyones schedule its impossible to do so. We set the date for camp to fit what is best for the majority of unit members. After that its up to them to come or not."

 

 

[SeattlePioneer]

Scouting is usually among the first casualties of a divorce war.

 

As is often the case, the child is the customary victim in divorce.

[gcnphkr]

Our troop has offered 3 summer camp opportunities the last 3 years and will do so again this year. As a result we have about 85% of our scouts go to camp, with a few making it to all three. This is while troop meeting attendance are at a low of around 55%. Prior to this we ran about 60% participation with only 2 summer camp offerings.

 

But the only way we can do it is by being a large unit with many volunteers willing to go to summer camp.