so how much respect is due?

[Mr Irish]

Good discussion on NPR about how kids decide if rules are fair. http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=125302688

Irish

[Eagledad]

>>On the other hand, youth need to respect adults, at least partly, simply because they "are" adults. We have far too many people who seem to think "whatever 'I' want, feel, or think is all that matters", and that they therefore can ignore or disrespect anyone with whom they disagree.

[Stosh]

I had a gentleman remind me many years ago about this word respect and how it has "changed" over the years.

 

Respect is not something other people "earn" which seems to be the general consensus of most moderns. But the word respect is derived from the Latin words "re" which means to repeat or do again and "spect" which derives its meaning from "to see". Specticals (glasses) and Spectator, one who sees or watches.

 

The onus of this respect situation does not rest upon the other person, such as earning respect, but on the one who is doing the respecting, i.e. taking a second look. The issue of respect is: do I allow myself to offer a second look at this person and/or situation? If I have no respect, then I feel my first look was sufficient and the other person doesn't warrant a second look.

 

It is a judgment I participate in. Is that other person worthy or have enough value to me to warrant a second look?

 

It's easier to place the responsibility "on the other person" to absolve all blame on our part, but respect is not an issue of "the other person", but on my part, my judgment, my evaluation, my tolerance, my ability to be able to pause long enough to give the other guy a second chance or at least a second look.

 

People who are concerned only about themselves as is pointed out in Mr. Irish's link shows the immaturity of the younger mind when it comes to this issue. Self-concern when it takes precedent over in a situation allows me to self-justify my own actions to the point where one can even blow off any and all others including one's parents and any others out there who have been given responsibility for one's own welfare. Selfishness, narcissism, intolerance, and a total disrespect for others is but a step away.

 

The scout in the original post made his comments about the cleaning of the camp equipment relative to his own welfare. "Why do I have to do this extra work?" Obviously he was seeing this not as a disrespect to anyone, just the rule. Obviously this rule did not set well with him in his judgment. So he decided not to take a second/broader view of the situation and wrote it off as a dumb rule made by a dumb person.

 

On the other hand, the adult saw this as a personal attack and taking it on face value, decided not to give a second look at the situation and concluded the best route to take was to preserve his personal "honor" and deal directly with the "attack". Both parties were concerned about themselves and offered no second, more mature and thoughtful, look at the situation. This lack of "re-spect" boils down to a rather ugly, win/lose attitude which does no one any good.

 

So, how much respect is due?" Depends on whether or not one wishes to make oneself look like an intolerant jerk. Respect is not for the other guy, it's for me. Do I owe it to myself to re-spect (take a second look at) the other person to better understand why they are doing what they are doing, or do I blow them off as not worthy of my selfish wellbeing?

 

Sorry for the long post, but when it comes to respect, we need to make sure we are all on the same page when it comes to this word respect. Does respect involve me or the other person?

 

Your mileage may vary....

 

Stosh

[Eagle92]

Good topic and I may be repeating some comments so please bear with me.

 

#1 Respect is a two way street in that in order to receive repsect, you must also give it. Treating folks as you want to be treated is a great foundation to the entire concept of respect. So for me it is natural to give someone respect, and expect that the same courtesy be given. Even if you disagree with them.

 

#2 Respect should not have to be "earned," unless it has been lost, and then a discussion needs to occur as to what has happened.

 

I forget the movie it came from, but the quote "You don't have to worry about gaining my respect, you have it. Pray you don't lose it." is a very good example on my views. Losing respect to me is an issue of trust and to regain it takes alot.

[Stosh]

Interesting thought Eagle92, but one must also consider the issue of forgiveness (A Scout is Reverent). In the Christian tradition at least we are called to forgive. Why? Because the other person deserves it or because my inability to forgive will eat away at me over the long run?

 

Forgiveness for those who have "lost respect" is not for them. It's for me. Whether it be forgiveness or respect, the issue really boils down to: how does it affect me? Does it drag me down to their level? Or can I rise above and take the high road? It's a tough decision and we aren't always up to the challenge. It takes strong character to be able to pull that off. I guess I'm not ready for someone out there who has wronged me to dictate to me how I must then live life. Do my boys occasionally "dis" me? Sure. Am I going to let them dictate to me how I must then react? Nope. I just keep treating them with respect because that's what I do. Do they eventually come around and treat me with respect? Some do, some don't. But that's their choice and it has no bearing on how I treat others.

 

As far as having others "earn" my respect, does that mean that if they behave for a while they can start to manipulate me and seek my favor? Nope. Does that mean I'm to demand respect and they must conform to my will before I can respect them again? How's that going to build character in them? I find boys do better when they want to, not because they have to.

 

Really interesting discussion!

 

Stosh

 

Stosh