give the SM a break!

[BadenP]

Stosh and Avid what you say is true and no matter what the SM will always be the fall guy when things go awry, however if your other adult and teen leaders are properly and THROUGHLY trained and fully understand their responsibilities then these problems will be minimal. A SM who thinks he can or should run the entire show is just asking for trouble and both he and the troop will suffer as the result.

[acco40]

I was a Scoutmaster for over 7 years. Your have many landmines to deal with when you're dealing with the precious children of others. Many parents see the advancement program as the end all and be all of Scouting and heaven forbid if Johnny can't tie a bowline for the life of him and you don't sign off on that requirement until he has mastered that skill. You'll then get the massive "but Jimmy can't tie that either and he has that signed off" complaint. Never mind that Jimmy's dad is an SA and signed that off!

 

Also, the parents of the 10 & 11 years olds will complain if the troop doesn't revolve around their darlings. At the same time, the parents of the 16 & 17 years olds will complain that the troop just does stuff for the younger boys. After a few year, I too stopped worry as much about building a consensus for certain things. The BSA has a program that we as Scouters have agreed to carry out. So certain things were non-negotiable to me - camping by patrols, utilizing the outdoors, not adding to or deleting from the requirements, not making up what "proper" uniforming was defined to be, etc. Certain things - should we hike, canoe or just chill in the woods were perfectly debatable topics. "Let's have the adults buy the food for the whole troop because it is cheaper than having each patrol shop and the adults buy a beter selection" was something I didn't try to get agreement on, I just said no. Some perceived that to be SM arrogance or worse.

 

A SM has to have thick skin and focus on the boys and let the CC deal with the adults. That's my advice. Dealing with the adults left a sour taste in my mouth. Dealing with 90% of the Scouts was a great deal of enjoyment and satisfaction for me.

[mikemayer67]

acco40,

 

AMEN to EVERYTHING you said. It's taken me over 18 months to come to this point, but I almost heard myself speaking while reading your post.

[DeanRx]

Just a couple of points to a very good and poinent discussion:

 

1) We need to diferentiate between the SM and the CM in these posts. while somewhat similar in scope, the way a CM carries out the program vs how a SM does is VERY different if in fact the SM is following the Patrol Method. CM oversees an adult-led program, a SM (if doing it right) is overseeing a boy-led program. The fact that its boy-led means that there will likely be more hiccups than if the adults just managed everything, but then the scouts wouldn't learn much and certainly wouldn't learn any leadership.

 

2) While the buck does stop with the SM (or CM), to those who state "if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen...", well how about YOU put on the chef hat for awhile. That type of attitude from parents is the best way to run off eager and engaged leaders.

 

3) As a unit leader, I am responsible for PROGRAM. That is it. I am not personally responsible for every boy. If a scout (or an adult providing leadership) is doing things outside of stated rules or guidelines, I have a responsibility to stop it, but if they are outside of the lines, I have no knowledge, and something happens - then THEY are on teh hook for it. I would feel terrible and its why I spend a good amount of my time thinking of safety issues for every event, but just because its a scout event - I am not the sole person responsible, and no you can't put me on the hook for it just because I wear the uniform.

 

4) In the first minute of my training, the guy conducting the class stated something I repeat to myself almost every meeting, "Be a duck, let it roll off your back." I've been praised when I didn't really deserve it, and I've had my butt chewed when I had no control over the situation - it comes with the territory.

 

5) When possible, use humor. I had a parent upset with the way one DL was conducting their meeting. I asked if the parent had offered to HELP the DL in anyway. When they answered "no", I stated that I would handle the issue by docking the DL's pay

 

Bottom line - I listen to concerns, act on safety issues - but if its an issue of "I don't like what happened to my son" then I point the concerned parent to their DL (or the scout to the PL if a Boy Scout unit). if it has to do with program, I invite the concerned party to be involved in the next committee meeting or volunteer to run said event next year. If they say OK, then I'm ready to listen to their concern and let them help decide how to do thngs because they are truley interested in being part of the solution and making the program better. If they back off the idea of helping out, I thank them for ther feedback and ignore the comments. They didn't really want to make it better, they were just looking to **** about something.

 

Like another poster stated - its very rewarding and very trying at times. Leadership of all types, but especially VOLUNTEER leadership takes a VERY thick skin.

 

Dean

 

[Eagledad]

I guess I was looking at Lisas point a little different. I thought she was saying that the Scoutmaster, Cub Master or the master of any of organization are viewed as the got-to-guy (person) simply because of the title. It doesnt matter if it is a boy run, adult run or even run by sheep herders, when folks need to say something urgently, they will likely go to the one person they think is required to listen and act on their need, and that probably isnt fair. I agree it isnt fair, but I think a person in those positions needs to understand it.

 

My story was only emphasizing that point, a mother who was so emotionally upset needed to let someone know and understand the situation as she saw it. She sought out the one person she felt was required to listen and had the authority to make changes. In her emotional state, I dont think she put much thought to it at all, in her mind at the time she needed to find the one person to resolve her pain. Im convinced that she had no plan to let me have it like she did because she waited until all the other parents had left, but when she approached me, but her emotions got the best of her. As for conflict management, I was trained in my conflict management course that there are times when emotions require the best action to be no action until the parties involved can have a calm discussion. That is what we purposely did. There was no conflict because there was no reaction to the emotion.

 

Barry

 

[Stosh]

The conflict isn't with the SM and parent. It is appropriate to go to the person who has the best chance to resolve the conflict (i.e. problem) The conflict was the problem that occurred earlier than the confrontation with the SM.

 

The parent was correct to go to the SM, but in her emotional state it probably wasn't all that productive at first. However, follow up by the SM was able to identify the problem and begin resolution, thus reducing the tension of the situation.

 

Yes, the emotional stress on the SM was evident, but what the parties involved need to remember it's not an issue of somebody's fault, but an issue of problem resolution.

 

Instead of allowing a prolonged butt-chewing, it might have been a bit more productive if the SM, instead of standing quiet, could have engaged this parent and asked for a bit of clarity to how she saw the problem, thus identifying the problem and curtailing the rant.

 

Maybe some BSA training on conflict resolution should be in order.

 

Stosh

[acco40]

In most troops the SM is the public face of the troop. According to the BSA, the SM should be the face of the troop.

 

Speaking of docking a DL pay ...

 

Most years when I went to summer camp I volunteered to be a camp commissioner. When all the boys were attending merit badge classes or other activities during hte day, I would volunteer to inspect other campsites. It exposed me to other troops, how they ran things, their equipment, etc. and I always welcomed possible ways in which I could get improvement suggestions. Anyway, one SPL I worked with thought I was some sort of big BSA honcho and insinuated that I must have a very well paid position and came right out and asked me how much I was paid as camp commissioner/inspector. I humorously told him just slightly more than what he was paid to act as SPL. To my surprise, his Scoutmaster and the SAs suddenly looked down at their shoes in embarassment and the SPL stated, well that's not so bad, I get paid $15.00/hr.

 

It turns out that that particular troop did pay their SPL! I was wrong again in estimating my pay.

[MNBob]

@acco40: LOL! That's a funny story.

[Oak Tree]

I think the admonition to give the SM a break is a good one. Not that it would have anything to do with the fact that I'm a SM. :-)

 

It's good advice for people who deal with other volunteers, though, too. I try to assume that when people are doing things differently from how I would do it, they still are doing the best they can. If they are a parent who is dealing with their children differently than I would, I still assume that they have the best interest of their kids in mind. If they are just blatantly failing at their job, I don't assume that they want to fail. I try to give them all a break.

 

Now, I may try to convince them to do things differently, or I may try to inspire them, or get them help, or figure out the most effective way to deal with them. In rare situations I may try to figure out how to remove them. But I've found that blaming people just doesn't buy me much.

 

As the SM, sure, I know the buck stops here. Do I like for parents to give me the benefit of the doubt? Absolutely. Do I think it will always happen? Clearly not. But it's not just a purely random thing how people react to my decisions. It depends on what type of relationship I've built up with them, what communication I've given them, how they've seen me deal with their son in the past, etc. The harder I work behind the scenes, the more breaks I get. (True for both "Give him a break!" and "Since you've got this one, I'll take a break.")

 

My thanks to everyone who volunteers.