Parents!!

[SMT224]

As Scoutmaster for the past ten years, I've found there are three distinct entities I need to deal with on a regular basis - the Scouts, the Committee, and the Parents.

 

The Scouts are the easiest to deal with - they are usually very reasonable and will work hard to make things happen. The have a strong of fairness and can work well together as a team.

 

The Committee can sometimes be frustrating, and will dig their heals on some issues, but when presented with the appropriate justification will usually support the program and needs of the Troop.

 

But it is the Parents of the Scouts that are most frustrating to deal with. Of course there are a number of great parents who are now registered Scouters or volunteer to do all kinds of stuff. No problem with this set of folks.

 

It is the Parents that I rarely see that are so frustrating. From the point of view of making thing happen in the Troop and ensuring Scout participation, these particular Parents can be most aggravating.

 

Case in point - Since December, and all through January, the adult leaders and the PLC have been working with the Scouts to prepare for two winter camping trips - one in late January, the other in mid-February. We've spent a significant amount of time on the importance of having the right equipment to stay dry and warm. We especially stressed that gearing up for winter camping need not be expensive by searching for web bargains from places Campmor, Cabela's, and REI, as well as visiting thrift stores.

 

Well, after all the preparations at our Troop meetings, in addition to multiple emails I sent out detailing what the Scouts would need for cold weather camping, and exactly how to get this equipment for almost nothing, I was surprised that only 8 Scouts out of 25 are going on the trip. While there are some very legitimate reasons some of the Scouts are not attending, I have now learned that a number of parents prohibited their kids from going because "it would be too expensive" and they are "afraid he would get cold". Not surprising, all of these parents are the never seen Drop-n-Go folks. I would be surprised if they read any of my emails or even talked to their Scout about winter camping - they just made up their mind and that's that.

 

And while I'm ranting...

I will shortly be reminding the Scouts and parents (via Troop meeting discussions, email, and a flier sent home with the Scouts) about Summer camp and how much it will cost and when we need the money. We have worked out a payment plan by dividing the cost into 5 easy payments. Or they can pay all at once if they have the $$. But I know that come May, or even June, there will be 3 or 4 of the Drop-n-Go Parents that will come to me and say "Now when is summer camp? How much is it?" and then "Oh, I can't afford that! Don't you have some kind of campership?"

 

Ok. Thanks for letting me vent on this...

 

I know there's nothing to be done, just give their son the best Scouting experience possible, and don't expect anything from the Parents. But still...

 

 

[NE-IV-88-Beaver]

AMEN!!

[Stosh]

Ever wonder why there is a lot of controversy over the Parents for Scouting emphasis? The more the parents control and run the program the less the CO and it's defined leadership do.

 

Stosh

[Eagle92]

SMT,

I feel your pain, but trust me it could be worse, a lot worse. My troop had a winter trip planned to Shiloh, and because we had a number of scouts with little brothers in CS, somehow it turned into a family campout. And yes alot of the CS parents were the drop and gos. Luckily we were staying at a lcoal church, at least we thought at the beginning.

 

After driving 3.5-4 hours, sorry I don't remember exactly how long but it was a long one, we start hearing complaints from the some of the parent about it being to cold and wet to do the hikes the next day. Now we had driven a long ways, the scouts WERE prepared for the bad weather, the PLC said it's a go, BUT the parents said no. So the next day we didn't do the hikes we plannded and were prepared to do. Needless top say there were a lot of ticked of scouts.

 

To make matters worse, the cubs left the faucet on on the bathtroom upstairs, and you guessed it, water started spilling over onto the floor we were one.

 

Troop didn't have another family camp out until about 6 years later. That one did go off well however, but it was a 45-60 minute drive one way.

 

Good luck

 

EDITED: man I must have slept through half the trip there and back. I just did a mapquest search for the route, and it was a 7 hour drive one way! 14 hours spent on the road for nothing! I'm getting angry again thinking about the trip time (This message has been edited by eagle92)

[Eagledad]

I learned through the years that the Scoutmast should spend 50% of his time working with the parents. I teach that at scoutmaster training.

 

Barry

[Lisabob]

Isn't the juggling of parents really more on the Committee Chair side of things? This assumes that the CC and SM are on the same page, of course.

 

 

[SMT224]

Barry -

That's a good point.

How do you recommend best communicating with the "Drop-n-Go" type of parent?

We make a Troop calendar with all the activity dates for the entire year and give to all parents. I send out email updates on a regular basis. We send materials home with the Scouts, We have an active PLC with regular meetings. And yet some parents seem never to get the message.

-- SMT224

[Oak Tree]

Lisabob,

 

It's supposed to be. But because the Scoutmaster is the visible leader of the program, a lot of the parents come to him directly. Also, he is the one that parents are most likely to complain about, so he's the one who benefits the most directly from having a good relationship with as many parents as possible. And because he is leading on the program side, he's the most likely one to have an up-to-the-minute handle on the issues.

 

The first time I saw Barry's estimate, I thought "Yes! Someone else sees the same thing!"

 

Oak Tree

[OldGreyEagle]

At some point, the scout has a responsibility to communicate with his parents. If he is not interested in doing so, why is he still in scouting? If advancement is the scouts responsibility (and it is) how more of a leap is it for the scout to be sure his parents know about the events (outings) that give him the best opportunities for advancement?

 

We can talk about how scrwed up National BSA is and it is, we can talk about how some troops are "mills" and the old boy network that runs many councils but the single biggest factor that will kill scouting is non-involvement by parents, or guardians.

 

We are not paid staff of the Chartering organization nor do we have a budget to run the program unless the money comes from the program (youth) and that seems to get missed by many parental units. Volunteerism seems to be lost on Generation X (pretty broad statment and I speak antedotely) and that will cause plenty of problems in a lot of volunteer organizations, BSA just being one

[Stosh]

We have functional leadership in my troop. As SM I spend 100% of my time with the boys. My CC deals 100% with the parents and we compare notes at the committee meetings. If the SM is spending any time dealing with parents he is taking time away from his/her boys to do so. To train SM's to deal with parents is to train them for a job they did not sign on to do.

 

When I have boys come to me and ask me questions I direct them to their PL's. When I have parents ask me questions, I direct them to the PL of their boys. If it's an issue that I know the PL can't handle, I send them to the CC. I spend time as SM developing friendships and trust with parents. The program of the BSA is set and given from National/Council. If parents have a problem with that they can take it up with the CC.

 

Stosh

[boomerscout]

Take your 8 boys camping. When they tell everyone what a great time they had, I predict more will show up for the next.

"At some point, the scout has a responsibility to communicate with his parents. If he is not interested in doing so, why is he still in scouting? If advancement is the scouts responsibility (and it is) how more of a leap is it for the scout to be sure his parents know about the events (outings) that give him the best opportunities for advancement?"

This may be hard to accept, but some boys join the Scouts to get away from their parents. They can't sit down & talk to their parents; the family is a bit dysfunctional. Going camping may be their only hope of "normal" times.

When parents have missed their first installment for summer camp, we send out a post-card. We've found post-cards get read then & there while letters may get set aside unread. We do offer a wee discount for all the money up front by a certain date.

Our troop meeting room has an anteroom between it and the entrance. This is where the hardcore Scouters sit and have coffee while the meeting is in progress. Any drop-n-go parent wanting to talk with the SM is then automatically shunted to these guys. Works wonderfully

[Eagle732]

I see a new adult position "Parentmaster" . Maybe the new patch will be a cool 100th anniversary design!

[Buffalo Skipper]

I agree that some parents need to be "managed" more than others. As I was reading this thread, I had a thought (and yes, it hurt). How effective could a ScoutParent unit coordinator be in this instance? It was discussed two years ago when the position was announced, but this seems like a good time/place to locate someone and put this to good use.

Here is the original thread: http://www.scouter.com/forums/viewThread.asp?threadID=203618

[Eagledad]

Good questions.

 

I have two meetings a year after each election where at least one of the parents is required. That is where I spend about a half hour explaining the program and a little bit about the next six months. Its mostly a Aims and Methods kind of meeting explaining how it all works. It is intended to help everyone understand we expect from the scouts and what they can expect from us. This I found answers a lot of questions from parents who have questions about how the program works, but for some reason hasnt asked. Advancement is always a topic of new parents.

 

I spend most of the time with parents while the scouts are loading and unloading the Troop trailer before and after campouts. The scouts know what to do, so the adults stand back and wait. I usually spend the time bragging about their sons, and sometimes passing over a behavior issue or something. It would be rare that a parent learned something they didnt know about their son in the troop. I keep no secrets because I believe we are team working together, so I like the parents to know where their son is at in the troop.

 

That is basically how I managed some communication with drop off type parents. Between the two meetings a year and picking up their son from a campout, I actually got to talk with them quite a bit.

 

I typically spend at least 50% of my time on campouts with the parents. Usually around the fire, but the troop is boy run and I typically worked through the SPL. Thats just my style. If we adults are watching the scouts during an activity; I usually stand with the adults when Im not required for part of the activity, which is usually the case in our program. I especially like standing with the new parents to help them understand what is going on and how it all work.

 

Which reminds me, we also require new parents come to the first three meetings after their sons join the troop. During this three visits, they will get to watch a PLC meeting, patrol meeting and a Troop Committee meeting. I spend as much time as I can with them explaining how the boy run program works, but a lot of my time is spent with Scout Concferences and SPL conferences. So our new scout ASM spend most of the time with the new parents.

 

I didnt start out this way, I just found through many frustrating situations and phone calls that the more informed the parents are about their son and the program, the easier my job was with the boys and program dynamics. While boy run sounds simple for most folks, I believe it is very complicated and works best with the cooperation of all the families.

 

Barry

 

[Eagledad]

I'm seeing the parent managing thing and need to reply, I don't think we managed parents that much. I think it was because because they are always informed. If they had a specific need like money or information of activities, they usually went to that person in charge of that task. If they needed some information about their son, they typically talked to one of us after the meetings.

 

However, we tried an idea that kind of worked. We had one of our senior scouts meet the ASMs every week to brief them on what happened at the PLC meeting. Our PLC meetings were a half hour before each Troop meeting. The Senior scout was also the goto guy for the adults when they had questions of program. I guess the scout was kind of our Parent Manager, except that he mainly worked with the ASMs. You might give that a try if you have a scout mature enough to deal with that many adults. These were usually are 17 years olds who had done that and been there many times.

 

Barry