Parents these days

[Beavah]

I resigned as SM this past February. I didn't want to deal with the parents anymore. When their boys mess up big time, their parents backed them up, and not our/their program. I couldn't believe it, and how ungrateful the parents and Scouts had become. Done with it.

 

Yah, I was sorry to read sst3rd's quote here in da previous thread.

 

I think sometimes a SM's increasing lack of patience with this sort of thing is a sign that it's time to take a break from the position for a while. Switchin' back to ASM and refreshin' your mind and heart by workin' with the kids and not da parents can be a good thing, and I hope sst3rd does just that.

 

But I am an old fellow, and I have to say that I think he's got a point, eh? Over da decades, there really does seem to be a gradual erosion of courtesy on the part of parents.

 

Had one SM of a local 60-boy troop (who is gettin' to sst3rd's point) tell me recently that he has one family in the whole lot that ever bothers to say "Thank You." Just one, despite takin' off work (sometimes without pay) to provide at least one 2-week high adventure per year, 1-2 weeks of summer camp, and a full program. Plus I know the fellow well enough to know his under-da-table monetary donation to his program goes well into the four figures each year, and he really ain't well off.

 

Just seems like I remember more folks sayin' thank you in decades past.

 

Helped another SM this spring with a local businessman parent who was demanding this, that, and the other special treatment for his son, and blowin' a gasket over da troop's response to the lad's petty theft from the car of another adult in da troop.

 

Yah, we had little league parents and such way back when, but it just seems like da notion of respectin' the coach/teacher/SM/referee who has to make a hard call ain't what it once was. I know if I had ever been suspected of petty theft my dear old dad wouldn't have been takin' my side against the world, eh? He'd have been representing The People in da case of The People v. Little Beavah, and da Geneva Conventions would not apply.

 

Am I just gettin' old and muddled, rememberin' da halcyon days of yore through rose-colored spectacles?

 

Or has there really been a shift in da behavior and attitudes of parents which is burnin' out lots of good youth volunteers before their time?

 

Beavah

[John-in-KC]

Both of the above, but a bit more the latter than the former.

 

Boomers, Gen X, and Gen Y have all been relatively easy generations for Americans. Even in Vietnam, the majority of young men did not go to war. We've not had to deal with the Depression. In spite of all, 10% unemployment is not 27% unemployment. A luxurious life as we Americans lead it can lead to discourtesy by simply not appreciating what's normal and reasonable.

 

OTOH, the pressure of modern society far, far outstrips the pressure on our parents in their youth, and I cannot imagine the pressure my son feels at university ... and I'm one of the folks who puts him under pressure. A century ago, 8th grade was good enough ... then it became 12th, now? I'd say 2 years beyond high school, in vo-tech or college, is the absolute floor to decent employment. Those extra years of edcation cost, they're not free.

 

We've also, B, become more compartmentalized ... in part thanks to the branch of your profession called ambulance chasers. We don't say hi because we don't want to risk knowing others.

 

[Nike]

Thanks for the reminder to give the SM a big pat on the back, frequently.

 

 

[packsaddle]

I guess I'm living in fantasy land or something because most of the parents in our area are really supportive and appreciative and try to help whenever we ask. Yeah, there are a few who don't share the spirit but not very many, I'd say they're exceptions.

I think there's another aspect to this and I admit this might just be the small sample I've observed in this area. Parents who are genuinely supportive of their children, like most of those in this area, also see teachers and leaders of youth programs as part of the family, and they support them as if part of a team.

It is possible that parents who don't view things this way just are not mindful of the other adults who are trying to do things for their children. I could be wrong.

[BrentAllen]

I must be in fantasy land, as well. Knock on wood, but I just don't have these parent issues. On the contrary, we had our second anniversary of the forming of the Troop back in the first week of September, along with a COH. The Troop parents surprised me with a very nice gift, a Garmin 745T navigator. (I get lost once...) What a cool gift! Yes, I was shocked at the level of generosity, and very appreciative.

 

I grew up in a Troop where everyone treated each other as if we were one big family, and that is what I have tried to copy with our Troop. We have a big December COH with covered dish dinner and slide show (PPT) with pics from the entire year. Everyone comes and we get to try different ethnic food, as we have a diverse Troop. I think this one event goes along way towards building that family feeling.

 

I think we run a pretty demanding program, but we let the boys know that before they join. We tell them we expect them to be there for meetings and campouts. We expect them to be in uniform, which they are. We ask them to buy the Troop t-shirt and the BSA Action shirt for camping, and they do. We expect the boys to say "Yes, sir" and "No, sir" and they do (sometimes with some reminding). We expect them to call their PL when they aren't going to be at a meeting, which they do most of the time. We expect them to act like Scouts, which they do pretty well. I love being SM for this Troop, and I look forward to every meeting and every campout. God has blessed me with this group of boys and their parents, and I am very thankful. I hope to be involved with this Troop for a long time.

[evmori]

When I was a SM I had very few of these issues. However, from the posts we see in this and other forums, it appears these are more commonplace now. And I feel it really undermines the program when the parents are trying to make it all about their little Johnny & not seeing the big picture.

[Eagle92]

I think part of the problems is taht today's parent had been spoiled as kids, and are now spoiling their kids. They are risk advcerse and it is showing in the Scouting program. I think the entire Mandatory Training movement is a result of this for several reasons 1) parents are so willing to sue it's protection for the leaders and BSA and 2) so many parents are risk adverse that they've never doen the things Scouts do in the past and do not have the experience.

 

I give you a perfect example of the risk aversion. Go on the Scoutstuff.org facebook group, and you will see a mother praising the new MB sash pin b/c a scout could hurt himself using a SAFETY PIN ( caps for emphasis) to pin his MBS sash on.

[OldGreyEagle]

I realize this is my own Observation, so if its not like this in your neck of the woods, be glad, be very very glad

 

I do not think those parents under the 40 year old mark (give or take a few years) have the volunteer ethic. They have raised their children in a culture, where when you taken the little darlings to their "activity" the most strenuos thing you have to do it open the car door. Whether it's dance class at Ms Zaki's House of Ballet or doing ceramics at Suzy's Ceramics or Soccer or Little Mites Football, parents dump off their kids and then show up when practice is over. Game day might require running the refreshment stand once per season, but that's about it.

 

THey expect the same at Scouts, what? In Cubs I have to do things with my child? If I wanted to actually DO things with my boy, I wouldnt have had him join Cub Scouts, we would have done things together

 

The American Legion, VFW, Lions and Rotary Clubs, (where I live) are begging for members, the "younger generation" does not volunteer (as a whole now, there are exceptions). Whether because they just don't have that value or it was never expected of them, I don't know. They just don't want to get involved outside of their own life. Teachers out there, how many parents show up at Teacher Conferences? Versus 5-10 years ago or further back?

 

Has our culture lost the volunteer ethic and respect for those who do volunteer. I am not a paid member of the Chartering Institution's Youth Programs, no one is

[OneHour]

OGE ... I do ... I do ... (as I wave my hand wildly). I still attend my oldest son's Open House and P/T Conference and he's a senior. Until he moves to the only real Texas university (UT of course), I will continue to support him and his teachers. You don't know how it crawls up my nerve when I hear the likes of: "I would love to help, but I work full time..., but I work in the Texas Medical Center ..., but I have his brother(or sister) ..., but I ..." and it goes on. My reply is always, "Yes, I understand. I coach the local baskeball team, chess team, baseball team. I am a den leader for den 7 and I am a scoutmaster for Troop. Btw, I work full time from 6-5 at the Texas Medical Center and you were mentioning?" I usually get the quiet downward look.

 

Beavah is correct. We don't say thank you enough. We tend to gripe and complain. May be that's why my wife sends the teachers Christmas bake goods every year. It's not to buy the favor, but to thank them in her special ways. Perhaps, that is why when I send the teachers an email I always close with...

 

"Thank you, Mrs. ...., for all that you do for the students."

 

1Hour

 

ps: I do the same for my ASMs!

[Stosh]

I don't seem to draw any flack from parents, but I have a system by which any and all parent issues get resolved.

 

As SM I have an agreement with my CC. I work with the boys, he works with the parents/adults. If there's a problem we all sit down and discuss it, Parent and CC from their perspective, and Boy and SM from the other.

 

It's not that I don't interact with the parents, I do it all the time, but if there is a problem of any sort and the SM and parent can't seem to get a handle on it, the parent has the option to call in the CC (third-party, referee) and sit down and discuss in a open forum.

 

My CC also gives me the heads up on any potential adult leaders for the troop and offers up names for ASM's as available if I want/need them.

 

Of course this only works if there's a common foundation in BSA goals between the SM and CC. My CC is the former SM who burned out doing the adult-led approach and I came in at his request to turn things around using a boy-led approach. He's from a military background, (still active service) and I am laid back and supportive in style. Although we are from two different approaches, even different worlds at time, we compliment each other and make a good tag-team.

 

I don't know what I would do without his support for the troop. Probably burn out like he did.

 

Stosh

[packsaddle]

From what I see, age of the boy's parents has nothing to do with it. Must be a cultural thing. Actually, including my interactions with the public outside of scouting as well, it's the older adults who seem the most self-absorbed - retirees, elderly, etc. "I didn't pay a penny out of pocket for my power chair"

 

Edited to add: Oops, I should note one BIG exception. There is a small group of aged people who without exception show up as perpetual volunteers for all kinds of charitable endeavors. The majority of them are Unitarian Universalists. They're even friendly to the scouts in spite of BSA's attitude.(This message has been edited by packsaddle)

[scoutldr]

It's an epidemic of narcissism. Not to hijack this into a political discussion, but I firmly believe that's what swept the current Administration into power, and I see it in all ages, from my teenage nieces and nephews to my 78 year old MIL. "Someone else" should give me what I want.

[Trevorum]

pack, even heathens can have timeless values