The Pendulum Swings Back? New Term "Free Range Kids"

[OldGreyEagle]

http://www.mcall.com/entertainment/all-freerangekids-08-90809,0,1133816.story

 

Like the title of the first Star Wars Movies, Episode IV, A New Hope

 

By Lenore Skenazy Tribune Newspapers

SEPTEMBER 8, 2009

Permission-slip panic. Sunday night homework-athons. Backpacks reeking of ripened tuna. All these are looming large, along with the question: What will we ask our kids to start doing this year that we didn't ask them last September?

 

After all, they're a year older now. Time to kick it up a notch.

 

But will we?

 

Society is not insisting we do. In fact, lately we have been force-fed the notion that really good parents are the ones who hover nearby, making everything smoother and safer.

 

One article I read in a parenting magazine urged moms of young kids to carry a couple of shoelaces in their purse. That way (it said): If you're ever visiting someone's house you can tie shut their cabinets!

 

In other words, parents are expected to childproof the whole world. Which is why, if you ever try to worldproof your children instead, and teach them to fend for themselves, you can expect a certain amount of blowback. I should know.

 

I'm the mom who let her 9-year-old ride the subway alone.

 

Yes, last year when my then-4th-grade son was asking my husband and me, "Can't I PLEASE get myself home one day on the subway?" we decided to let him. Then I wrote a little column about his adventure, and two days later I was on the Today Show, MSNBC, NPR and Fox News defending myself as not "America's worst mom." (Though if you Google that, there I am -- 11 million times.)

 

After the whole media firestorm, I started my blog, freerangekids.com, and made it my business to find out what kids are really ready to do when, versus what we are ready to let them do. Here's what I found.

 

Walking to school

 

Most of the world's kids walk to school by themselves starting in 1st grade. But here? Are you kidding? While the majority of us parents walked to school, today only 10 percent to 15 percent of kids do. How come?

 

The usual reason parents give is, "Times have changed," and that's true. Surprisingly, they have changed for the better.

 

Nationally, according to U.S. Department of Justice figures, we are back to the crime rate of 1970. In the '70s and '80s, the crime rate rose.

 

It peaked around 1993 and has been going down ever since, dramatically. So if you played outside any time in the '70s or '80s, your kids are actually safer than you were.

 

How come it feels just the opposite? When our parents were raising us, they were watching "Dallas" and "Dynasty." The biggest crime was big hair. Today's parents are watching "Law & Order" and "CSI," shows overflowing with predators, rapists and maggots. TV has gotten so gross and so graphic, "I don't think there's a single episode of 'Law & Order' that could even have been shown before 1981," says TV historian Robert Thompson.

 

Those scary shows -- coupled with cable stations running off to Aruba or Portugal every time a white girl disappears -- make us feel as if kids are being abducted 24/7. But the truth is: If, for some strange reason, you actually WANTED your child to be abducted by a stranger, do you know how long you would have to keep her outside, unattended, for this to be statistically likely to happen?

 

Guess.

 

Now guess again.

 

Oh, forget it. The answer is 750,000 years, according to Warwick Cairns, author of "How To Live Dangerously."

 

So what age can your kids start walking to school? Same age that you did. And that goes for waiting at the bus stop and taking public transit too.

 

Making lunch

 

Click on Playhouse Disney, and you will find a cartoon series called "Lou and Lou: Safety Patrol." Lou and Lou -- two preschoolers -- are bent on making their 7-ish-old sister follow the rules. So when the sister decides to make Dad some breakfast, the toadies follow her into the kitchen and cry, "Not so fast! Never touch a pot on the stove!" When she reaches for a sharp knife, they screech, "Let a grown-up help you if you need to slice something!"

 

The notion is that only grown-ups can do anything -- a notion that we have embraced so fully that a lot of parents run around to open the car door for the kids they are chauffeuring to school. Meantime, a mom I just met adopted her children from an orphanage in Haiti about a year ago. They were 2 and 3 at the time. This year the older one's preschool teacher recommended her for the "gifted" track at school. Why? She already knew how to use scissors.

 

"Of course she does!" her mom replied. "In Haiti, the 5-year-olds use machetes to peel their fruit!" At the orphanage, the 3-year-old had actually been helping to look after her brother.

 

The lesson? Kids need supervision, yes. But we forget that, throughout history and even throughout a lot of the rest of the world today, parents have always depended on their kids to help out -- and kids want to do that. Why are we stunting them? If a 5-year-old can peel an apple with a machete, your school-age child can make a peanut-butter sandwich -- and even cut it with a dull knife.

 

Crossing the street

 

A lot of people assume "free-range" means "devil-may-care" parenting. It doesn't. The more responsibility you're inclined to give your kids, the more responsibility you must take in teaching them. So when I taught my kids, now 11 and 13, how to cross the street at about age 7 or 8, I did it almost hysterically. MAKE SURE THE DRIVER SEES YOU! MAKE EYE CONTACT! WAVE YOUR ARMS!

 

Your job is to teach your kids how to be safe. Watch them cross. Critique and do it again. Feel free to wave your arms too.

 

Playing outside

 

This turns out to be the most valuable extracurricular activity of them all.

 

When kids play, they develop confidence, creativity, communication -- even how to conquer boredom without an iPod. How early can this start? Try 6 a.m.

 

Oh -- how early can this start in years? Once again, consult your own childhood. Whatever age you were playing outside, they can too.

 

To feel less nervous, take that hour you were going to watch "CSI," and walk outside with your family instead. Connect with your block, your neighbors, your blossoming kids. And get ready for a school year filled with life lessons they will love.

 

Skenazy is author of "Free-Range Kids: Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts With Worry," (Wiley, $24.95), and founder of the blog freerange kids.com. She can be reached at lskenazy@yahoo.com.

 

 

[scoutldr]

Amen.

[Spiney Norman]

I second that Amen.

 

This should be required reading for all new scout parents. Wait, let me rephrase that as just all parents.

[Lisabob]

Woo Hoo! A very nicely written article, thanks for posting it OGE. Think I'll forward that to the SM and CC. Maybe they can use it to allay the fears of some of the troop's helicopter parents.

[evmori]

Are those helicopter blades I hear?

[Kahuna]

That's great and so true. In the mornings when I walk my dogs, I practically get trampled by all the parents walking back from walking their kids to school. And I live in a very safe community. At least the adults are letting them walk and getting some exercise themselves, but people really!

[Narraticong]

Outstanding.

 

This weekend our family was staying at the campground where we are seasonal campers. The campground has a golf course attached which is just across the street. My 12 year old son and his buddy decided they wanted to go for a late night prowl with their airsoft guns. It was 9:15 and I said "Sure, but be back no later than 10:00". My wife gave me a little bit of a look, but she trusts me. I told her they would be back no later than 9:30. Like clockwork, right at 9:30 they came back. They wouldn't admit it, but a golf course is a big, dark, scary place.

 

But they expanded their horizons a bit. Dad trusted them and believed they were capable of taking care of themselves. And they were. Today they are a litle bit more confident for having taken a 15 minute walk in the dark.

 

Our kids are capable of far more than we give them credit for.

 

Ken

[ChaiAdventure]

Not only do I agree, but I double that statement by some of the ridiculous rules in the guide to safe scouting.

 

and not only with kids.....

 

I was at training this weekend and was told that because our scout training lasted beyond 5:00pm, we had to stay at the camp and could not go home. Apparently it was based on "fatigue." I am going to try that at work to see if my boss has an issue with me sleeping in the office if I work after 5.

[SctDad]

GREAT ARTICLE

 

I often talk with people who grew up in the 80's and we compare it to todays standards. WE SHOULD BE DEAD. Staying out all day, no cell phone to track us down, shooting bb guns, fishing, waking through the woods without a care. Only to find out that it is either a walk back through the woods or a longer walkl around.

 

The only reason why my kids do not walk to school is because it is like 8 miles to the school for my son and 12 miles for my daughter.and the roads are 65 mph. Country Roads. Not the best for walking on.

 

My 12 y/o goes to the bus stop by herself. THey go outside and play and ride their bikes. Yes they wear helmets. Do I know their friends. Yes. Do I know their parents. Yes. Bbut that is part of being a good parent and wanting to know that my kids are safe.

 

I also know where the registered sex offenders are in my area. Public information. Mostly as a precaution, but I am able to let my kids know where to avoid.

 

I let my kids try new things. I was surprised when my Cub Scout climbed the tower at camp all the way to the twice.

 

Let the kids explore. It wil be the best thing for them.

[frank10]

Ken,

I'm disappointed... I was expecting the sprinklers to come on at 9:30.

[BrentAllen]

Chai,

There's no rule about leaving camp after 5:00 PM, at least not that I'm aware of. My guess is this was Saturday night, with training continuing on Sunday? If so, they probably didn't want people going home because they usually come back late on Sunday morning. The only rule on fatigue I know of is about driving on long trips. If there is such a rule as you mention, I'd like to see it.

[fgoodwin]

Our "neighborhood" school is little far for kids to walk to these days (although I google-mapped my grade school and I walked about four-miles each way back in the early 60s). So instead of parents walking their kids to school, they walk them to the bus stop and wait with them for the bus.

 

Yes, those are helicopter blades you are hearing . . .

[evmori]

I was at training this weekend and was told that because our scout training lasted beyond 5:00pm, we had to stay at the camp and could not go home. Apparently it was based on "fatigue." I am going to try that at work to see if my boss has an issue with me sleeping in the office if I work after 5.

 

Now that is just stupid! Did they take everyone's keys? Some people who read rules & regs shouldn't!

[BrentAllen]

fgoodwin,

In our county, parents are supposed to be waiting with their elementary school kids at the bus, and they are supposed to be there in the afternoon when the bus drops them off (per county BOE rules). If no parents are at the stop, the bus driver is instructed not to let the kids off at that stop. I don't know how frequently that happens, or if the bus drivers follow that directive.

 

I walk my 5th grade daughter down to the end of the drive-way for her bus, which picks her up right at 6:34 AM. It is still pretty dark at that time (which is ridiculously early, IMHO - school starts at 7:30).

[Narraticong]

Wingnut- You are right on target! Besides being dark and scary on the golf course, one of the course workes was out there adjusting sprinklers. The boys said they didn't want to get caught...or maybe they did!

 

Ken