Swearing & Aggressive Parent

[FScouter]

The council doesn't get involved in the selection of adult leaders, barring a negative background check for a new member. If the chartered org and troop committee select and approve an adult leader, the council will not interfere with that choice.

[Beavah]

Anytime a leader puts his hands on a Scout, even in self defense, a report needs to be made toe the SE and/or Police. That is in YPT. The leader is to be removed from scouting pendign further investigation.

 

No, that's not true, eh? In fact it would be a tom-fool way to run a youth program. There are all sorts of reasons to put hands on a Scout, some involvin' safety, some accidental, some bein' gestures that are misinterpreted, some bein' affectionate, some being mildly out of place but innocent.

 

We're getting a bit carried away with our self-righteous indignation, and forgettin' our responsibility to each other as fellow scouters and people of character and integrity. And we're missin' that all we have are da suspicions of one dad passing along hearsay rumors because he is annoyed by an individual incident that involved his kid. Apparently this fellow's behavior has been so bad that no other leaders in the troop are aware of it.

 

When yeh have a problem with a fellow, you approach the fellow in private and talk about it. As a parent, or fellow leader. That's where yeh start, mate. Saves yeh the embarrassment of complainin' about a flask that contains sweet tea used to wash down real medicine.

 

Same rule applies when the issue comes to the attention of the SM. The first step is the SM pulls the gent aside and reminds him of the no alcohol rule, and the troop's expectations in terms of conduct. If the SM gets an acknowledgment or apology, everything's good, eh? Sometimes folks don't know, or get tired, or whatever. If the SM gets an astonished or angry denial, that's information, too, eh? One that might call for some discussion with da family as well.

 

If it continues and is observed by the SM and other people, then da SM and CC have a more formal meeting with the fellow to set down rules, and make it clear his continued participation with his son on trips is contingent on his compliance.

 

Only after that do yeh move more formally on removal.

 

And there should be a corollary here too, eh? A family that falsely or exaggeratedly accuses an adult leader of serious wrongdoing should be given the same treatment. Up to and including removal.

 

Beavah(This message has been edited by Beavah)

[ConnCM]

Beahvah sounds like he's been down this path & shares good counsel. It isn't wise to jump to conclusions. To read this thread many would throw this guy under the bus without all the details.

 

That aside, the Troops elders are well aware of the belligerence & foul mouthedness issue. The SM & I spoke on the phone today about these happenings. Too many folks have borne witness for this matter to be denied. The "rough handling" was not a physical assault. It was just extreme rudeness on the edge of abuse (I know...these are fine lines). Again there were multiple witnesses. Some moms got very hot but the boys just considered it rude. My son was the latest recipient & he dismissed it as rude. My wife got hot & addressed it on the spot as she should have. She's also been a registered leader for years. I wasn't there.

 

Other than this flask thing, no one in the Troop is debating WHAT is going on. Even that has been admitted to several folks by the offender though there are fewer actual witnesses.

 

The thing is this: This man isn't going to lead. PERIOD. At this point the goal is to let him save some face for his son's sake. So the boy stays in Scouting.

[Docrwm]

Sounds like a serious set of issues here. Lots of folks will tell you what you should do. Problem is that when its your son you have every right to handle it however you choose. If he shoved your son without adequate provocation or reason then you could simply, and correctly, go to the Sheriff's office and file charges without talking to anyone at all. Folks need to get a grip and understand that just because BSA says something doesn't make it so. That said, if it were my son - I'd talk to him 1:1 and let him know a) if he touched my son again, for any reason other than saving him from harm, he'd be looking at a warrant for his arrest quick as look at you, b) drinking is never approved at any BSA event and it must stop, period, and c) his demeanor is not appropriate (e.g., language, etc.) and must change. I'd ALSO have a chat with the Troop CC on this in very frank terms. My 2 cents, your mileage may vary/

[Beavah]

This man isn't going to lead. PERIOD. At this point the goal is to let him save some face for his son's sake. So the boy stays in Scouting.

 

Yah, some guys just aren't cut out for leadin' groups of kids, eh? Either by their own behavior or by how they approach workin' with children.

 

On da flipside, there's nary an adult leader who doesn't generate some parent complaints. I've also sadly been around well-off folks who are more apt to find fault with working-class leaders, and even a few who are apt to find fault with leaders of different religious or ethnic background.

 

If yeh really have one of da former, and other people really recognize it, then a wise CC or COR will talk to 'em about how much they need help in the adult Quartermaster position (keepin' the trailer in repair!) or some other such task that uses the fellow for his talents but keeps him out of the kids' way.

 

Ultimately at the point when you tell a parent he/she is not welcome on events you're makin' a decision to lose the kid. It's a rare parent who will accept that, eh? If there are shorter steps, they're worth pursuing.

 

Beavah

 

[ConnCM]

Beavah said

....."If yeh really have one of da former, and other people really recognize it, then a wise CC or COR will talk to 'em about how much they need help in the adult Quartermaster position (keepin' the trailer in repair!) or some other such task that uses the fellow for his talents but keeps him out of the kids' way.

 

Ultimately at the point when you tell a parent he/she is not welcome on events you're makin' a decision to lose the kid. It's a rare parent who will accept that, eh? If there are shorter steps, they're worth pursuing.

 

end clip

 

Outstanding!

 

We will soon have need of this sort of technician & this guy would be a decent fit.

 

It takes smooth sales skills to help this fella find his way to where he needs to be without detection. This particular guy would bail if he detected the manipulation. It's worth the effort if the boy stays.

 

We'll see if the timing & tact works out.

 

....and a good old eagle too. NE-II-143