Death of an Eagle...

[SMT224]

Almost two years ago a 17 year old Scout in our Troop was killed by a drunk driver. He had completed everything for his Eagle except his BOR and ECOH. Based on our District and Council recommendations, National awarded the Eagle Award. He was very popular in the Troop, and we are all still distraught, and the family to this day can hardly talk about it. We have finally decided on a date for something like a ECOH, but more of a celebration of his time in Scouting, and, we hope a closure for some of us. The family is not even sure if they will be able to be there - it is still just too much for them. I looked into the "Spirit of the Eagle" Award, but discovered that the application has to be received within six months of death... six months? We barely had our heads out of the water of grief a year after. What a stupid requirement...

 

Anyway, in February, after we had decided on a date for the ceremony, I sent out "Eagle Letters" to Congressional and Governmental officials, and others appropriate to this Scout. I was very explicit in my letter that this Scout had been killed by a drunk driver and I would appreciate a certificate or letter to present to the grieving family. Well, I guess no one read that, as now I'm getting the standard letters congratulating the Scout himself on a great job and how this will help him for the rest of his life, etc, etc... There is no way I'm giving something like this to the family! Is it too much to ask for an appropriate response? I'm especially upset by a letter from our U.S. Senator that arrived yesterday, and am considering calling his office and letting them know that while I appreciate the time and effort they took to prepare the letter, what seriously do they expect me to do with it? Leave it at the grave? Are they trying to talk to the dead? Or should I just let it go, as I know my feelings and likely response are full of emotion...

 

[Eagle92]

My condolences to the family, and to the troop. I know it'll be hard to do, but I would leave it alone. Most officials will use a standardized form.

 

What may be a better idea is to possible have a photo montage of the Scout, and have people who influenced him and he influenced. You cannot make Eagle without makign a difference to someone. Get his project folks to come, get his mentor up there, and some scouts's he's influenced.

[Crew21_Adv]

SMT224,

 

Greetings!

 

The loss of a Scout can be dramatic.

 

Nearly 15 years ago, I knew of a Life Scout and father, within my same district, who were on the side of the road constructing a school bus stop for his Eagle Project. A drunk driver came off the road, and struck the partially constructed wooden bus stop. Out of the Scouts and adults working on the service project, it was only the father and son that were hit and killed. It hurt the entire Council dramatically.

 

Unfortunately, we all lose friends and family, regardless of age, from the very seasoned older Scouters down to some very young Scouts and even Cubs. But it makes it much worse, when their loss was caused by someone else's error.

 

After two years, I would hope that most of pain has passed, and that the family can appreciate the congratulatory comments that Congressional and Government officials have made, and forgive their officials for the "boilerplate" letters.

 

I am not mocking the Eagle Scout in your troop, but hopefully you can find the humor in this. With my youngest son and Eagle Scout, in all the congratulatory letters he received a similar (clerical error) response from The Attorney General of the U.S.. We thought about reading it, but our son refused it, during the ceremony just for the humor.

 

The Attorney General addressed my son as an excellent model Girl Scout, young lady, and congratulated her (him) on achieving his Gold Award.

 

Back to the loss of your Troop's Eagle Scout and his family. I would be forgiving, take it humorously, and quote only the congratulatory remarks.

 

Finally, you have already held the funeral and memorial for him. The Eagle Scout ceremony is a celebration. But if you happen to include a memorial portion in the ceremony, if the young man was a member of the OA, there is a "Broken Arrow" ceremony, which can be abbreviated into a "Broken Arrow" story.

 

At the same time my condolences and congratulations to the family!

 

Scouting Forever and Venture On!

Crew21_Adv

 

[RememberSchiff]

Trying resending your Eagle Letters" to government officials who are Eagles, in particular, Robert Gates, Secretary of Defense.

 

Here's a list for the 110th Congress.

http://www.scouting.org/Media/FactSheets/02-571.aspx

 

I hope your U.S. Senator, who did not respond appropriately, is not on the above list.

 

Another tactic - contact your local MADD chapter

www.madd.org

about this situation. They may be able to help your Senator correct his response.

 

Sorry to hear of your loss.

 

 

[Gags]

SMT224,

 

Having interned for a few months in a Congresswoman's office, I can attest to the nearly 100% use of form letters.

 

Quite likely it was read and written/mail merged by the current intern (there usually 2 days a week for 1 semester) or the Staff Assistant (usually fresh out of college), who may not have read the entire letter, or communicated it properly to the ultimate author.

 

I wouldn't take this as a personal insult - it's more a clerical error that has come at the worst possible time.

 

I would contact the nearest local office (each Senator usually has at least 2 or more in the state, especially for the larger states), and ask to speak to a staff member or office manager. I would think you would have a corrected letter in your hands in no time.

 

Given what everyone involved has been through, I'd be more than happy to contact the main office for you in person (I live and work near DC).

 

Please let us know how the event goes. As a parent of a 2 1/2 year old, I'm already dreading the thought of her on the roads in 15 years.

 

--Gags

[Eamonn]

" The family is not even sure if they will be able to be there - it is still just too much for them."

 

 

Please don't think I'm trying to be mean.

But I question the wisdom of doing something like this without the family being 101% behind it and involved in it.

Eamonn

[desertrat77]

SMT,

 

I'm sorry...the loss a great Scout.

 

Concur with Eagle92...photo montage and personal testimonies will probably mean alot more in the long run.

 

Sorry you've got to contend with the poorly crafted correspondence. Poor attention to detail and situational awareness of the part of the govt staffers.

 

Also agree with Eamonn's observation...is the family ready for this? As you know, each family (and family member) grieves differently.

 

 

[SMT224]

Thanks for all the replies -- I really appreciate it.

 

We did a photo montage for the funeral, so will likely put up again for the Eagle Ceremony. We will be having the ceremony at the site he did his project, so all appropriate folks will be there.

 

I'm friends with the family, and they have fully agreed to ceremony and date, but are still so full of emotion they are not sure if they can attend.

 

I agree, you'd think after two year the emotions would have lessened, but tears come from all of us as we sit down to discuss what to do in the ceremony. And being with the family is even worse -- like it happened yesterday. We are hoping this ceremony will be a closing for those of us in the Troop - if not somewhat for the family.

 

I will give the Senators office a call tomorrow and discuss in a friendly manner. No reason to be hostile, but... If it was just a Representative, I wouldn't be so upset, but a Senator? Come on, they've got six years to get it together! I'll let you know what happens.

 

 

[Hal_Crawford]

Ten years ago some close friends of ours lost their 10 year old Webelo in a house fire. His pack presented the Spirit of the Eagle award and it provided some comfort for the parents. The award still hangs in their home office.

 

In addition the pack made it an annual service project to do a spring cleaning of the small cemetery where Josh is buried. After a Minnesota winter their is always a lot to do. This tradition continues though none of the current cubs and few if any of the leaders ever knew him.

 

Hal

[jr56]

How heartbreaking. It is great that you are doing that for his family.