rethinking my position

[Lisabob]

I've been putting a lot of thought into the position(s) I hold in scouting and where I want to put my time and energy. I'm not happy where I'm at so I've been weighing options. Many of you on this board have probably been in this same position in the past so I'd welcome your input. Right now I'm the district membership chair of a struggling district, and a troop committee member for my son's troop. I'm not happy with the troop and am considering pulling out of it. My son isn't too happy with the troop either due to some problems over the last 6 months, and he's on the verge of quitting scouts. He is not willing to entertain the idea of joining another troop, though the jury is still out on the idea of joining a Venturing Crew (he's old enough and is currently at 1st Cl rank).

 

The problems with the troop, as I see them, boil down to two things. One is that there are a lot of adults who have their hearts in the right place in terms of wanting to provide kids with a program, but who do not really buy into the idea of boy leadership or the patrol method. Consequently what we have is an adult-led, troop-method program with occasional boy-led aspects as window dressing. That gets boring after a while and isn't the BSA program. The second main problem is that the troop has a bullying culture, has for years, and many of the adults who are active as ASMs and SM and CC (ie, who have direct and regular contact on camp outs where problems occur) just don't or won't or can't seem to do much about it. Every incident is treated like the first one and so not much ever changes. There are other problems (advancement and seriousness about developing scout skills, among others) too.

 

After some pretty big problems this summer my son's about had enough and his interest is declining. For me, after trying to work with current adult leadership to respond to those problems in an adequate manner, I'm convinced that the effort is probably futile. They just aren't following the BSA program, they won't stand up to the families of the boys who are problems, and nothing I say or do is going to make that change. I want to be clear this isn't just frustration about one set of incidents, but a years-long pattern culminating in problems this summer, and I just don't think is going to be changed. And it isn't for lack of trying.

 

So I'm re-evaluating. I've been a committee member with the troop for 4 years but I think I may decide to step down because the alternative is to be very blunt about what I don't like, and that's not going to result in change anyway. The CO is oblivious, by the way, and firmly intends to stay that way.

 

Is that the honorable approach though? Maybe it is better to stay and continue attempting to affect change in the troop culture from within, despite my frustration? I will say I do not have the appropriate scout skills to be the SM, am not gunning for the position, and would not accept it under any circumstance regardless. SO this isn't about controlling the troop, but it is about a big philosophical difference of opinion about how scouting should work. But I hate the thought of being one of "those" parents who plays no active role in supporting their child's unit.

 

If I resign as a committee member, that frees up some time that I could (in theory) dedicate to scouting elsewhere. I could put more time into district membership. We also have a handful of struggling packs who really could use a good Tiger DL and I have often thought about doing that. I'm not certain, realistically, how much time that position takes up though and worry about over-committing. There's a new crew starting that needs some adults for their committee and I have thought about that. I've also thought about just backing out of unit-level scouting entirely for a while and declaring burn-out.

 

What I don't think I can do, is continue on the way things are right now. I am not deriving much enjoyment out of it and I don't think I'm helping anybody either, as a troop committee member. It's frustrating.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[baschram645]

Lisabob,

 

It seems that you are in a situation where you no longer enjoy what you are doing, so you might want to change. Step back and look at what you do enjoy about scouting. Is it working with the youth, is it working behind the scenes to provide a better program, or out in front in a postion such a member of the training team.

 

Your posts show your passion for the program so it is not your commitment. Maybe new scenery such as the new crew you wrote about or being a Unit commissioner.

 

I have had burnout in the past and just reflecting on what I really enjoy about scouting helps to refocus my energies. I have recently cut back on my involvement and that has helped also.

 

Lastly have a heart to heart with your son and see what he originally thought scouting was about and is that what he still wants or is there something else he wants from the program.

 

YIS

Bryan

[GaHillBilly]

Ok, lemme see:

 

NEGATIVES:

+ your son doesn't like it.

+ your son is not benefitting (or so I gather)

+ there's no real prospect that he will like it, or benefit, in the future.

+ you don't like it.

+ you're not helping anyone.

+ there's no real prospect of helping anyone.

 

POSITIVE:

+ you've been doing this so long it will seem disloyal to quit.

 

If all those things are true, it really sounds like the conclusion is obvious, even if it's emotionally difficult to accept!

 

GaHillBilly

 

 

PS: I've concluded that Scouting as an "activity", as it typically appears in my Council, complete with bogus ranks, bogus MBs, bogus outings, bogus patrols, bogus boy-leadership and bogus (ie, unfit and unskilled) SMs is also not worthwhile. The Scouting 'sold' by the literature, and by Scouting's history is a far cry from the Scouting actually 'delivered' by the local Council. Of course, this is a performance entirely typical of American marketing!

 

But, for the moment it looks like other possibilities may still exist for my son's troop.

[Ohio_Scouter]

Lisa,

 

My advice is to move on. It sounds like you've tried for several years to influence the troop to no avail. Time flies, and before long your son's tenure in scouting will be over, so go for the gusto--somwhere your son can enjoy the program.

 

Good luck.

[eisely]

You really should talk to your son before doing anything. If he decides he wants to stay with the troop, then you should probably stay with the troop, if only to watch out for your son's interests. If he is ready to move one, then by all means the both of you should move on.

 

There are good "second career" options for adult volunteers who believe in and enjoy scouting, even after their offspring age out or drop out. Of course you would have to be careful to avoid being too creepy without a son in the program.

[John-in-KC]

Lisa,

 

Agreed on talk with your son. I know what our friend Beavah says, but there's nothing wrong earning Eagle in a Crew. EagleSon was a little further than yours when he moved up (Life), but he wanted something other than an adult run troop method Troop.

 

BTW, if you can, guide him in some critical thinking on the paths open to him in Scouting. Find out what's interesting him in life now. It'll help him figure out what direction he wants to take next.

 

Assuming he decides to move along, I think you should honestly lay out the major issues to the IH of the Chartered Partner... even if they are clueless. They need to understand they may lose the Troop sooner than later. When someone of integrity pulls the pin, others follow.

 

You also need to visit 1/1 with the SM and the CC. Lay out the issues to them as well. It's good and courteous to say "this is what I see".

 

Finally, a quiet talk with the DC or UC is in order. Sounds to me like a unit needing more than a monthly cup of coffee commissioner visit.

 

When you do leave, as we've both talked with many others, then leave graciously, and don't back-bite. They'll have enough problems on their own.

[Eagle92]

Lots of good advice here. Definitely talk to your son and find out what he wants to do. If possible encourage him to find a troop or crew that would interest him, stressing that not all units are alike.

 

I was one of those scouts that had some problems with my first troop, especially the SM. I moved on to my cousins' troop and didn't look back.

 

Definatley talk one on one with unit leadership, or better yet have your son talk to the unit since it should be his decision to move on or not.

[funscout]

LisaBob, I think your son is a little like mine, in that neither of my boys are progressing very quickly in scouts. My 15 year old is a Star scout, and my 12 year old is just Scout, not even Tenderfoot yet. I got so burnt out from too many positions at the Cub Scout level, that it has been hard for me to get excited about being a leader in Boy Scouts. Even though neither of my boys is in Venturing, I am going to register as a leader with the Crew. I have been on one canoe/camping trip with the Crew and I had a blast. I think the change was exactly what I needed. My boys will stay in the Troop and I will keep my ASM role, but my heart is more with Venturing.

 

My younger son probably won't last long in scouts. He's just in for the socializing and isn't motivated at all to earn rank. Maybe he'll join the Crew when he's old enough. Older son now has a plan: he wants to earn Life and get more Eagle required badges out of the way and then join the Crew.

 

I'm sorry for your son's bad experiences. If there was any chance of the Troop improving, then I would suggest taking a vacation from the troop, before making a final decision. But if things are not going to improve, then maybe it is best for both of you to move on. Your son might find he really enjoys Venturing. I know my older son is finally motivated to get going on Boy Scout rank, and than he will also join the Crew.

 

Good Luck!

[Karen_216]

Lisabob,

Bullying is one of the major things I worry about. I wasa bullied as a child and was also a bully. For me it was away to try to prove how tough I was and to be cool.

I've found many bullies are passing down what happened to them and what better way to build up their own confidence than to bully another(?). When confornted quiet a few will see the error of their ways and back downa and be ashmed of what they did.

Question is does anyone see it your way?? Could you have an organization come in and do a program and has no one ever said anything to these kids about it?

If you are going to leave I would not do so quietly or even sit back and not do anything currently. I'd definatly make it a point to bring in BSA literature and list incidents and occurances of violations.

Whether you leave or stay make it your legacy to stop it or at least make your point known.

If we dont' try we will only have regrets.

[gwd-scouter]

Lisa, from reading your posts over the years I cannot imagine you dropping out of Scouting altogether. To me it seems you just have too much passion for the program to give it up. Plus, all your great insights and thoughtful comments show your experience would benefit Scouting in whatever position you chose to serve.

 

Serving on the Troop Committee no longer brings you pleasure, so move on to something else or just concentrate on the District membership. You do not need to be on the Troop Committee to support your son and the Troop. Your son certainly doesn't need you there. You say you don't want to be one of those parents that doesn't play a role in supporting the troop, but you've helped for four years. I think you could safely say you've done your time and could help out somewhere else without regrets.

 

I was in a similar situation a number of years ago when older son was in his fourth year in the Troop. I had been helping as Advancement Chair for three years, but became disenchanted with the way the Troop was run. I quit the Committee to concentrate on my position as Cubmaster for the Pack my younger son was in. I did tell the Troop leaders why I was leaving, but my concerns fell on deaf ears. The break did allow me to put all my energies into the Pack and I had a great time for a couple of years until younger son was ready to join the Troop.

 

Hah hah on me. Troop was still struggling which led to me becoming the Scoutmaster after younger son's first year. That was four years ago and I'm hoping that within the next couple of years we will be able to make a smooth transition to a new Scoutmaster. Then, I'd like to help out with struggling units as a Unit Commish or something along those lines.

 

I think your District would welcome your interest in serving as a Unit Commissioner or as a Den Leader in a struggling Pack. From what I've read in the forums, you'd be very good at it too!

 

Good luck.

[Kudu]

Does your son like the Scouts in his own Patrol?

 

Best cure for a bad Troop is to organize Patrol campouts, if only in the form of a "Patrol" of adults camping at some distance from your son's Patrol.

 

Kudu

 

[Eagledad]

I'm. With GWD Scouter, you don't need to stay for your son or visa versa. The district needs you, the troop won't change without you. Go where your energy can help the most boys.

 

Barry

[Beavah]

Best cure for a bad Troop is to organize Patrol campouts, if only in the form of a "Patrol" of adults camping at some distance from your son's Patrol.

 

Nah, Kudu, here I disagree. Not if da bullying thing is goin' on unaddressed.

 

Yah, it's true that part of the reason it's unaddressed is the adults busying themselves with kid-jobs, eh? But not really. Adults who allow bullyin' to happen are folks who aren't very alert to what's goin' on for kids, and who are the sort who can't bring themselves to step up and confront a person/problem directly. So rather than address the bullyin', they avoid it by busying themselves with other tasks and minutia and whatnot.

 

Adult-run is a symptom of the underlyin' problem, IMO. Not the cause.

 

Only out is usually with a change of leadership, since yeh can never get someone who's afraid of confronting a kid/dealing with a parent/personal conflict to really change. And yeh can't really get someone who genuinely doesn't notice a bullied lad's pained look or the bully's surreptitious grin to pay attention.

 

Someone who does notice kids' attitudes and ain't afraid of takin' responsibility is also goin' to be someone who can get a troop to run real patrol outings, eh? They notice kids and want to build effective patrols/teams. And they aren't afraid of confronting kids with choices or adults with quiet firmness to get 'em to buy in or back off. They have a vision for the troop and a will to drive it there.

 

Beavah

 

[Lisabob]

Kudu, I hear you, but that assumes that the same folks who don't appear willing to apply or perhaps understand the patrol method now, be willing to approve real patrol camping. For myriad reasons, I don't see that happening.

 

Folks, thanks. You've confirmed my gut feeling that this is probably a good time for me to step back from the troop. I'll find other avenues. I really do enjoy working with the kids so I may look for another unit-level position a few months down the road. Right now though I think I'll focus primarily on district membership, assuming they're willing to keep me around.

 

 

[NeilLup]

Hello Lisabob,

 

A lot of great advice here. I would just also support that Scouting is supposed to be fun for kids and adults. When it's not, it's time to do something else.

 

I would also just suggest a couple of perhaps less obvious things to consider to do that might be fun and rewarding for awhile.

 

If you are an OA member, become more active working with the OA. Perhaps become the adult adviser to one of the lodge or chapter officers. OA kids are great fun.

 

Same sort of thing with the Venturing Officer's Association.

 

You also can become one of the adult staff members for your local council's NYLT course.

 

You can organize a Den Chief Training or Den Chief recognition weekend for your District/Council.

 

Few districts have enough unit Commissioners or Roundtable Commissioners. You can serve there. Also, few districts have enough trainers to work with individual units. There's another place to serve.

 

Actually, I'm a bit envious that you have units in your community. My community has only one Pack and no Troops. We are trying to start others.