Advise

[veryconcerned]

How do you approached the Scout Master when his son gets special treatment and is aloud to get away with things others in the troop would not?

[Gold Winger]

Talk to the Committee Chair about your concerns.

[John-in-KC]

Welcome to the Forums.

 

Gold Winger said it: Have a quiet visit with the Committee Chair. Be able to discuss what, when and where. Don't focus on your Scout, ensure you can cite other instances involving other Scouts.

 

Then, step aside and let the CC earn his Scouting paycheck

[veryconcerned]

the sad part is I am the commeitte chair. I have know the scout master long before we started a troop. Since Tigers I think. This is our second year as a Boy Scout troop.

[SR540Beaver]

In that case, you will need to get more specific. Have you attempted to discuss the issue with him?

[veryconcerned]

Not yet. His son is disrespectful to other leaders (a lot of back talk, including myself), it's his way or the highway, if he doesn't get his way he doesn't want to be involed in what the scouts are doing. He always gets his way or there is a big deal made. When he is asked to do things that the other scouts are doing if he doesnt want to do it he get an attitude.

 

When he does do something like this his father (the SM) laughs it off or doesn't discuss it his son as he would if it were another boy.

[Gold Winger]

One way might be to talk to the SM about a nameless Scout who is exhibiting bad behavior and ask him what he should do about it. Then when he says X, Y, or Z, tell him that the Scout is his son. Of course, at this point he'll get defensive about his son.

 

The other tack is that since he works for you, is that you tell him that if he doesn't do something about his son's behavior that you'll be forced to bring the COR into the picture and take steps to replace him.

[John-in-KC]

Agree with Gold Winger. If the SM and CC are not cross-talking and sharing something of a common vision and goals, the resolver is the COR.

[raisinemright]

Special consideration toward our own kids should be a concern for all of us as leaders. It's a tightrope between giving our own kid more or less consideration than that of other scouts.

 

I'm also certain that we're all guilty of it to some extent or another. Two nights ago, I saw a few scouts in silhouette in the dark at a camporee. One was holding a lantern and I saw it take a short swing. As I yelled out to stop thr unsafe behaviour, I realized that I was correcting my own kid. Turned out he was reacting to someone else giving him a light playful shove.

 

Although it only took a few words, I think it went far that I corrected both boys equally.

 

Proverbs 29:17 reads "Correct your son, and he will bring you comfort, and give delight to your soul." Possibly the conversation with the SM could incorporate that timeless wisdom.

 

[Narraticong]

Be careful, Concerned. You may not be seeing the whole picture. The Scoutmaster who has a boy in the troop is in a difficult position. He has to be both Dad and Leader. I know, because that is me.

 

My son (like all boys) has his difficult times. You may not think the Scoutmaster is dealing with the boy, but you don't see or hear what goes on during the ride home! Your Scoutmaster may (and probably is) be dealing with it.

 

Try helping him out. When you see inappropriate action, step in. Many times a boy will respond quicker to another leader than he does to his own Dad. I know I have asked the leaders in my troop to do just that. I want them to treat my boy no different than any other. If he is misbehaving, take action.

 

As a matter of fact I had that happen this weekend with my son. He acted up several times and was disrespectful to another leader. I dealt with the inappropriate action (quietly but directly, as a father should). The leader who was disrespected asked me if it was OK to confront my son. I thanked him and gave him my full blessing to do so. And he did.

 

Being the Committee Chairman, I imagine you are in the same position if you have a boy in the troop. The Scoutmaster should support you. I know I have dealt with other leaders sons when they were acting up or bullying. And I am confident the issue was dealt with privately at home.

 

It is also very difficult to be the son of the Scoutmaster. You are always expected to be the perfect Scout. Maybe cut him some slack. He's probably asked to do more than ever would be expected of the average Scout. The SM's son is always there, at every event. He's the one who comes early and helps set up and lugs his Dad's stuff to the meeting.

 

No, the Scoutmaster's son (like preachers kids) often has his own issues and is hardly perfect. But he's probably one of the best Scouts in your troop, if he's like my son. And the "his way or the highway" attitude may just be because he is right.

 

I can't tell you how many times I have made a decision along with the other leaders only to have it later questioned by my son. When I talked it over with him and really thought about it, he was right. But sometimes we adults don't like to be second guessed by kids. And just who owns the highway anyway? It sure isn't the adult leaders!

 

So, be careful with your accusations and consider all possibilties. Sit down with your Scoutmaster and talk it out. If he's worth his salt, he won't get defensive, he'll listen. You might just hear some of the considerations I've brought up.

 

 

[Gold Winger]

"Special consideration toward our own kids should be a concern for all of us as leaders. It's a tightrope between giving our own kid more or less consideration than that of other scouts."

 

There's a reason that most official's organizations won't let someone officiate a game in which their child is playing or even their child's school except in emergencies. In the officiating world, the tendency is to be harder on your own child or child's school's team so that no one can cry favoritism.

 

In my son's troop this was the case, the SM didn't brook any misbehavior from his sons. In other troops that I've been around, the SM's son got away with murder.

 

If you are the SM and you son gets out of line, you need to respond in the same manner as if it were anyone else's son. The problem is that if you wait for the ride home, everyone thinks that your son is getting away with murder. Remember, perception is reality.

[gwd-scouter]

Another take on a Scoutmaster's son.

 

Last year we held our Troop elections. My son, along with four other guys ran for SPL. My son and another Scout were the oldest at 14 1/2 and the other three were barely 13. My son had been a CIT at summer camp, attended NYLT, Life Scout, never missed a meeting or outing (yep, the consequence of being the SM's son), held PORs of Den Chief and Troop Guide. The others? None of the above.

 

Seemed like a no brainer for the guys to vote, right? Wrong. The boys voted for the biggest clown in our troop. A fellow that was skilled at getting out of work. Rather sporadic on attendance. But he sure was popular. His friend, another guy running for the job, is a good Scout. Rough around the edges, but he knows his Scout skills.

 

So what happens after the election? My son is disappointed. Newly elected SPL is surprised. His friend is angry. What was worse, his mother was really angry and took it out on me. Yelled at me about how it wasn't fair, etc. etc.

 

So here I was, the Scoutmaster, whose son just lost the election and I had to listen to the mother of another scout that lost rant and rave about how it wasn't fair. Could I remind her that MY son was more qualified than any of the scouts running and he lost too? Could I display my Mom side and sympathize with her about the unfairness of it?

 

Nope, just had to help calm her down, explain this was part of the boy-led troop and sometimes it's messy.

 

As others have said, it isn't easy being the SM's son. But, it also isn't easy being the son's SM.

[Gunny2862]

In our Troop it is expected that the Adult leaders don't deal with their own children (excepting immediate safety issues,)any other adult (registered leader or not) will handle the discipline problems that fall short of when the parent would be called to deal with them.

 

The Scoutmaster/ASM's of course still deals with the SPL and other POR holders of course, but that is in "Scout" mode rather than in "Parent/Child" mode. And is a tough line to walk as my SPL son reminded me this weekend that the same tone of voice I use when mildly displeased at home is the same "corrective/instructive" tone I use when things aren't as they should be at campouts. And so, often he knows the SM is talking but he is still hearing Dad.

 

It is harder than it looks, but taking time to examine the issue helps, as does having supportive ASM's and camping parents.

[asm 411]

In our Troop the rule is you don't work with your own son during Scouts unless it is group setting. If my son gets out of hand, the Scoutmaster or another ASM speaks to him about it. If it needs to be elevated to a parent the SM tells my wife and we discuss it as a family. This way my son can grow in Scouting like any other Scout. Also there is no questions of favoritism.

 

I am an ASM, in particular the ASM that works with the New Scouts. Last February we had an interesting turn of events. The SM's son was elected SPL and my son was assigned Troop Guide. From February to September I did all the things the SM normally does with the SPL and the SM worked with my son to coach him as Troop Guide. Overall it worked out well for all involved.

 

The only thing that we forgot to do was tell the SPL what was going. After about six weeks he asked his Dad, the SM, if I was taking over as SM. Ooops.

[insanescouter]

I say go on a walk with the SM have a heart to heart. Tell him you are having a problem with a Scout and want his input how to handle it. Like before after you get his answer respond if needed with you thoughts on handling it and then tell him its his own son ... from there if needed calm him down and talk things out .... if the problems continue maybe having a few leaders talk to him may do better but be careful not to make it a complaint session or a every time you talk to him its about problems with his son. Also you may find out he is having a load of problems with son away from Scouts too. I know of a parent in my troop that has that problem. Any way hope my wacky 2 cents helps ...

 

Scott Robertson

http://insanescouter.org

 

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