Learning to look after yourself.

[Eamonn]

It does seem that as I get older I'm becoming more and more aware of myself and my needs.

Some might say that I have become a little less generous and more selfish.

I think I'm learning to slow down and not rush into things. I'm also taking the time to stop and find out how I'm feeling.

Where and when possible, if I know that I'm not feeling up to snuff I will avoid situations where there might be any sort of conflict. I know that if I'm in a bad mood or that something is bugging me that my judgments will be impaired.

I know that when I'm tired that I'm not such a nice fellow as when I'm not.

Over time I have learned that before I can deal with anyone else, I have to deal with myself. I know that while maybe I can for a while care for others, if I don't care for myself, in time I will no longer be able to continue caring for others and will be of little use to anyone.

In an organization like Scouting one thing we all have to learn to do is say no.

Very often we allow ourselves to think or be talked into believing that if we don't do "It" that "It" isn't going to get done and the sky will fall in.

I have in the past been very guilty of talking people into taking things on that maybe they didn't want to do? Or just overloading people who already have enough on their plate.

To tell the truth I used to see this as a gift!!

There are some people who do seem happy to wear lots of hats and pass their time complaining about the fact that they are "Forced" to wear so many hats!! Some are able it seems to do the jobs that they take on, but they seem to make an art out of not being happy. I'm sure that isn't a good thing.

Many of us are very passionate and very

committed to Scouts and Scouting. Sadly a few do forget that there is a world outside of Scouts and Scouting and family and employment does really matter!

Some do judge others commitment to Scouting by using the time and energy that they put in as the yardstick or they use this as a kind of blackmail to force others into taking on more than what is good for them.

Eamonn

[Gunny2862]

True, so true...

 

I have found elements of this in almost any organization I have been a part of, other leaders who judge your involvement by the amount of time they put in or by their results - even if they are working with a widely divergent set of circumstances or resources.

 

I find that I have to take care of myself, guard my time, do things (i.e. break my own campsite) first so that I can be attentive to the other things I need to pay attention to - when I know my own house is in order I am a much better leader than when I'm trying to undo my own mess at the same time someone else needs my attention.

[scoutldr]

A psychiatrist once told me, "Make sure your own oxygen mask is securely fastened before trying to assist others."

[acco40]

The real reason for that scoutldr, is not related to what Eamonn stated, it is because if one attempts to put something over the face of a child (who doesn't quite comprehend what you doing) they will resist. If they see an adult, usually their parent in most cases, put on the mask first, they will be less likely to resist. Sort of a do as I do, not do as I say.

 

I admit I get frustrated when I ask a parent to do a task and they state things like "My job keeps be busy", "I have other children" and other such excuses I wince because it implies that I don't have those things (I do). On the other hand, I really don't know what the others do in their so called free time. They may be heavily involved in their church, softball league, school activity, coach a youth sport, like to go bar hopping and a myriad of other things so I try not to be too judgmental. I also try to keep myself from getting burned out. I've learned to limit what I take on better that what I used to do with no attached guilt trips. (This message has been edited by a staff member.)

[NeilLup]

Hello Eamonn,

 

"In an organization like Scouting one thing we all have to learn to do is say no.

Very often we allow ourselves to think or be talked into believing that if we don't do "It" that "It" isn't going to get done and the sky will fall in.

I have in the past been very guilty of talking people into taking things on that maybe they didn't want to do? Or just overloading people who already have enough on their plate.

To tell the truth I used to see this as a gift!!"

 

More than once, my wife has held a mirror up to me in this area. I have learned to hold the mirror up to myself.

 

We often talk of Scouting as "my" organization and of "my" Troop or "my" Cub Scout pack. I have found that a problem can come when we become much more tied up and emotionally involved with an organization than others are or than the organization warrants based on its mission, values, etc. This can become a particularly problem if the organization is in trouble and is failing or and if we don't want to be association with a "failure."

 

I am seeing this right now with my college fraternity chapter. They have gotten themselves in serious trouble and are in risk of being closed. The question is whether the alumni should come in and put in the substantial effort, financial commitment, etc. to rescue it or whether it should just be allowed to close and leave us with our good memories of when we are there. To me, one of the key questions is whether the current undergraduates care enough about fraternities and of what we thought of as a fraternity. Do they just consider it a glorified rooming house? And the college administration has made some changes in housing conditions which make the situation of fraternities much more tenuous particularly for one in trouble to recover.

 

I suggest to leaders that in our involvement with Scouting, we have, as it were an emotional "bank." When we have a good meeting, or a good experience, we put credits in that bank. When we have a negative experience, we take some value out of that bank. Presumably, we continue to do Scouting because it is a good experience, we are getting good personal feelings and feel better about ourselves, etc. as a result of our dealing with Scouting. We have a nice positive balance in the emotional bank and that balance keeps getting larger. But if that balance is becoming neutral or negative we need to ask why we continue to be involved.

 

I suggest that if the majority of one's Scouting involvement is negative over some extended time, then the bank will be sucked dry. One will be doing things out of duty or obligation and that is tough for any organization, let alone one that is supposed to be a "jolly game."

 

So when a leader's involvement in Scouting or any organization has a lot of negative elements, I suggest that they look honestly in the mirror and ask why they are continuing. I also suggest that they ask how their interaction can become more positive.

 

For many of us, a lot of the positive elements come from our interactions with other people whom we like, who reinforce us, etc. If, over time, our favorite people go away and/or become less involved, and either they are not replaced or the replacements are other people toward whom we have neutral or negative feelings, it can turn a positive situation to a more negative one. If we are more committed to the organization than others who are the primary beneficiaries (Scouts, parents of current Scouts) it can also create a negative, frustrating situation.

 

I don't have a problem recruiting people for a job that the "don't want to do." I do have a problem misleading people about what the job is or putting them in a situation which I know will be negative for them.

 

I believe this can cause some of the tension between professionals and volunteers. For us, it is love, positive reinforcement, being with people we like, etc. For pros, hopefully that is a large part of their involvement, but it is also their paid employment. Pros understandably can have different priorities. Hopefully, they get to enjoy the love, positive reinforcement, etc. But they also need to take appropriate actions to protect themselves, particularly when the actions, results, relations with volunteers, etc. of we volunteers can directly affect their compensation.

 

When I feel negative, I have found it is time for me to take a break and do something new. I then can come back refreshed. Or not come back if that is most appropriate.

 

I wish you well, Eamonn.