Scoutmaster Frustration

[gwd-scouter]

In another thread, there is discussion about a new Eagle Scout not being mentioned at a Troop COH. A couple of posts in that thread reminded me of how hard it is at times to be a SM, how we make mistakes, and how our actions are sometimes misunderstood.

 

We recently had elections for SPL. Five guys were running: the current SPL, three 1st class Scouts (one age 14, two age 13), and my son (age 14, just turned Life). On the night of elections, the current SPL decided not to run. After the elections I was surprised to find out that one of those 1st class guys (and, he has JUST made first class) won. My son was greatly disappointed. He had been a Den Chief, Troop Guide, ASPL, been to NYLT and worked on staff at summer camp this past summer. I was disappointed for him too, as his mother and as SM since I felt he really had the most qualifications. But, it wasn't my election.

 

After the elections I got a very unpleasant ear-full from Mom of one of the other 1st class guys running. On and on about how it wasn't fair, on and on about how he heard he wasn't even considered by the other Scouts because he hadn't been on any outings since summer camp, on and on about how that wasn't his fault because of family issues that she told me about and I should have made clear to the other guys that his absence was not his fault, more on and on about how unfair this all was to her son.

 

Yeah, I talked to her, calmed her down, and all of that, but during her tirade I was getting downright angry. HER son felt slighted? She thought it was unfair? How about MY son? The guy who has been in the Troop for almost four years. The guy that never missed an outing or meeting. The guy that went to Council training?

 

Rant over. I feel better.

 

 

[moxieman]

Back when I was a scoutmaster, I had a very simple response for parents who didn't like how something turned out (though it may not be the best response, but it worked for me). I offered my position patch to them. Funny how none of them were every willing to take my offer.

 

To quote a sign I've seen posted at a few Scouts Canada-sponsored events: "This program is run by volunteers. If you don't like how it's run, then you had best VOLUNTEER!"

[hotdesk]

Almost of the positions on the committee or as a Scoutmaster/Assistant are often underappreciated by the parents. Unless they have served in a leadership position, for scouting, they don't quite grasp the number of hours, amount of frustration, and amount of energy spent in our positions.

 

However, it is not because of the parents that we do what we do. Most of the time it's because of the scouts. If you don't enjoy working with them then it's time to leave. If you have fun with the scouts, but not the parents then that's totally expected by most.

 

In our troop we have qualifications to be eligible for troop elections. The Senior Patrol Leader candidates must all be at least Star, have attended at least 50% of the outings during the last two years and 2/3 of the meetings in the last 6 months. They must have also served as a Patrol Leader, Assistant Senior Patrol Leader, or Patrol Leader.

 

This rewards those that try to do their best in regards to the troop. The attendance rates (for both meetings and outings) does take into account excused absences. Excused absences are when the scout calls his Patrol Leader, before the event, and tells him that he cannot go for x reason. Reasons such as "I don't feel like it" or "It's too cold" are not accepted, but responses like "I have to go to a band contest for school" are.

[packsaddle]

GWD, I truly sympathize. I have felt the way you feel so many times. I want you to know that now that my son has aged out, when a parent has a similar problem it is much easier to handle it. I guess it comes from the objective detachment...I can more easily offer an objective explanation.

However, as noted elsewhere, one some occasions it is possible to defuse the situation by quietly handing the parent an adult application while noting the opportunity to take an active role. Works for me....

[evmori]

When I was a Scoutmaster, I would do the same thing moxie did. Never heard from that parent again like that!

[Eagledad]

Almost everyday I pray that folks will see God through my actions. We just saw Him through you GWD.

 

I love this scouting stuff.

 

Barry

 

[John-in-KC]

gwd,

 

It's going to be an interesting term for you. The youth deserve what they vote in; that's one lesson you can drive home in the coming months.

 

If the new SPL decided to take on the job unprepared, then he needs to take the consequences. You don't have to give him hand-holding mentorship, you can do "tough love" style, which allows him growth by stumbling around. You pick him up only after he falls, dust him off, and simply say "back to it." Of course, you have to balance the good of the troop v the growth of the SPL.

 

Wisdom is experience gained with tears, my shop teacher many times told me.

[scoutmaster52]

After an election my son was elected to a second term as SPL(proud momment for me)based on his performance ond his popularity with the younger scouts. Afterwards another scout and father(member of committee and did the counting of the votes with two other Boy Scouts) complained that this was not fair(this boy is a peer of my son and while well liked doesnt go out of his way to associate with the younger scouts.) As SM I spoke to them(treated this as a SM confrence)and discussed with them why they felt that my son was reelected and why this other boy was not. Came up with ideas, that they bought into, on how this boy could better himself. This boy was appointed by my son as ASPL and was elected the next term.

[John-in-KC]

gwd,

 

Just read your Unit JLT at the house thread in the Patrol Method forum. It's one disadvantage of being parent and principal program officer: Your parent responsibilities tell you to get every opportunity for growth and development your child will smilingly accept.

 

Your SM duties are to support the winner.

 

Let your SPL have some of those "uh-oh" moments. Let him have some fairly merciless Roses and Thorns sessions. There's nothing that says you can't use tough love to help him grow and develop.

 

In the meantime, would your son be interested in being the Quartermaster?

 

 

[gwd-scouter]

John-in-KC. New SPL asked my son to be ASPL and he's happy with that job. He feels his age and experience will be helpful to the new younger SPL and he will run for SPL again next time.

 

Funny, these events always remind me that most times the adults/parents are more dismayed at seemingly unfair situations than the boys.

[Ohio_Scouter]

gwd-

 

As you can see, the boys are maturing, and we almost missed it !

[kb6jra]

Have any of you ever found yourself recommending a boy for the job to the troop? I find that sometimes we need to change the direction of the herd in order to keep them from running straight off of the cliff.

 

example. I had a couple of brothers that were much larger physically than any other boy in the troop, bar none. The were also bullies and we (myself as ASM well as the current SM and other adults) to get them to change thier ways. They were always in trouble and could never grasp the concept that bullying was verboten. Since they were brothers, this gave me cause to wonder if the culture of bullying began at home, as I suspected it had.

 

At any rate, elections were nearing and one of the brothers had become qualified to run for the office of SPL. There was also a good chance he would have won the contest, due to some pretty effective intimidation techniques. I found myself in a worried state on how this would pan out. I was ASM at the time and in talking to the SM, he noted the issue and how it would effect the unit. He made a statement before the elections, recommending another youth for the position. The election was held and the other youth was elected (Thank God).

 

The bully was asked to leave the troop within the year due to his bullying activites on a summer camp week.

 

So, how many of you have ever had to influence an election in this way? Would you have? Just curious.

 

 

[wffarrell]

Hello All,

 

After a long absence from this forum I am pleased to see that is alive and well. Certainly, this group helped me as a new SM and I am eternally grateful for the help I received here.

 

That said, yes, as SM I did sway one or two elections and definitely it's a judgement call. In both cases the boys felt good about voting for the successful candidate and the troop was strengthened as a result.

 

In one case the candidate was very quiet, but turned out to be a great administrator and his quiet demeanor was quite different and appreciated by the boys from his predecessor who was loud and fun, but ineffective as SPL. The boys appreciated that "things got done" when D was in charge.

 

The other case was a boy who was a bit obnoxious and disliked by a lot of boys, but he had an inner quality that came out in Scoutmaster conferences. I felt with coaching that he could bring out this quality, given the chance and motivation. Before the election I commented that I thought that A would be a good choice and, surprisingly, he was elected. About half way through is term, A blossomed, developed confidence and found that he actually had a following in the troop.

 

Both A and D became Eagle Scouts and I don't regret steering the course.

 

Boy led with adult supervision. I think that's the key. I'll let them cross the street by themselves but I'll hold them back if a bus is coming. It's not an easy call as SM and out of the 8 SPL's I worked with I only guided the process twice.

 

 

 

[cackle881]

I can relate to you on this one. I've had parents approach me, telling me that it was not fair that their sons were not elected to positions that they liked and it is hard to explain to them (both the parents and the boys) in a tactful manner that "life isn't fair."

 

I really hate whenever I hear somebody say that to a Scout.

 

But the truth of the matter is, not everyone gets a turn at being SPL. It's democracy, folks. My only solution was to make sure that everybody had a job, even the new Scouts, so that everybody felt important. Even if it was something as simple as "Troop Fire Safety Officer" or a second Assistant Patrol Leader, I tried to make sure that all of the boys felt important and needed.

 

The reason why I speak in the past tense is because I have left Scouting to pursue my Master's degree, but this is only a temporary situation!

 

Cheers,

 

Cackle

[Stosh]

A lot of the position hype is what we as adults (especially parents) make it out to be. As many on the forum know I view the "command structure" to be different than many of the others. What I end up with is 3-4 boys being in the top position of the "troop". That way if one has 3-4 different boys all deserving to be top dog, they have a spot, each with their own patrol, each running their own "show". Those who wish to take a secondary role in the troop because of their expertise and wisdom, step DOWN and take roles on the supportive troop level and become SPL, ASPL, TG, QM, etc.

 

This year I asked my most senior boy to step down from his PL position to take TG. We have no SPL or ASPL. We will have 3 patrols this year consisting of mostly new scouts. Before he agreed he asked me what the TG was supposed to do. I said, "First of all, make the 3 PL's look good in front of their boys." Before I got to "second of all", he volunteered.

 

Because the boys know that by taking a troop officer position they are not stepping up, but stepping down to a support role, they are able to explain this to their parents that this is not a demotion, but an opportunity to really show some support/servant leadership.

 

Another boy came to me and asked if he could be QM. I told him it would be a lot of work. We would be going from one patrol to three and the work load would be very difficult and confusing at time. Then I asked him if he thought he was ready. He said no, but he still would like to give it a try... I now have a new QM too.

 

When one has boys coming and asking for the tough assignments and difficult jobs because it needs to be done rather than just to get a POR patch and pass easy rank advancement, one knows they're on the right track.

 

Stosh