Brothers

[Joe MacDoaks]

I have three brothers in my troop. The yougest and the oldest brothers just can't get along, they are only two years apart in age. They are always fighting and arguing and comming to me to solve whatever problem they have with each other. Does anyone else have this problem and what can be done about it?

 

What I am planning on doing is talking to each of them and telling them that whatever problems they have with each other are family problems and not mine to solve. They have to solve there own family issues. If they are not physically hurting each other I am not going to intervene. I am also not going to sign off the Scout Spirit requirement for any more advancements until they can get along. I am also thinking about having them share a tent at summer camp. I have never told a boy who he would share a tent with but these two boys need to learn to get along.

[scottteng]

This is likely a case of sibling rivalry. The brothers bicker constantly with one another but woe be unto the person that tries to get between them.They will both turn on you. Your only hope is to simply remind them they are at a scout function and are expected to act like fellow scouts and not as brothers. I would not tent them together they probably already share quarters at home. Instead put each one of them with someone else in the troop who you think they are least likely to get along with maybe that will help them appreciate the sibling more.

[John-in-KC]

Welcome to the Forums, I gather you're a Scoutmaster.

 

Ages and stages... seen it, wasn't a part of it (mine is an only, my brother and I were 6 years apart).

 

What can you do about it? Lots...

 

1) You've not told us about the parents. Are they involved, or do they believe in Baby Sitters of America?

 

2) You can share concerns with your PLC and ask them for input? Maybe they need to be separated in space from each other (different patrols). I'll bet you the PLC has their own thoughts about why, and may know more about the challenges than you do.

 

3) You can have a Scoutmaster conference involving the family, especially if they are taking so much of your time you're not able to do the job for the rest of your charges.

 

4) You can ask them for input into how to solve the problem. Right now, your selected solution is in the "telling" or "directing" portion of the leadership quadrant model (high direction, low encouragement). If you move towards a "selling" or "coaching" solution, you'll be encouraging them even as you give them guidance.

 

5) It might even be worth asking if these young men need to be in the same Troop? Might their growth and development be better if they were given space from each other?

 

There's something else going on her, Joe, something deeper.

 

(This message has been edited by John-in-KC)

[SueM]

Joe,

 

I have -5- sets of brothers in my troop of about 24 boys!! One of those family's have 3 alone..with one more to come in a year!! Luckily, most of them do not want to be in the same patrol with their brothers..which is something I kind of encourage so that each boy has an equal chance to work independantly in a patrol. I've only had one real issue where things carried over and we asked the older one to take a break from meetings for a while until he could come back and act like a scout. He is a major disclipline problem to start with though too.

 

sue m.

[local1400]

If a boy has a problem or question he needs to go to his PL. If these brothers are PL's, tell them to see the SPL.

[Joe MacDoaks]

These boys come from a good family. Professional Father and a stay at home Mom. Grandparents are active in the family and I go to church with all of them. Father is an ASM and often goes camping with us. Father is perplexed by boys not getting along. Grandmother told me she can't understand why they don't get along. Both boys are patrol leaders. I have talked to SPL and he doesn't know what to do. Boys find fault with the other boy and then tell you how you should give the other one extra stuff to do. We only have one troop in our county so it's not practical to have one boy in another troop.

[SSScout]

Hey Joe: Always liked your films, especially the one about the model trains...

 

What scottteng said. Maybe a SMminute about loyalty, always being there for each other, "Band of Brothers"? "Sullivan Brothers"?

 

"Momma always liked you best" I bet if you asked either of them if they think dad or mom favors the other, they'd say yes. Share a tent? maybe not. the tent might not survive. But give the both of them a project to complete together, and make sure they do it. Conservation, pioneering, something hands on with an obvious result.

Also, if you can, observe the family dynamics. How does dad settle things? Are the boys merely following his example?

Then there is the obvious thing that no one ever does. Take each aside and ask each: Hey Bob, How come you don't get along with Tom? Might be interesting that no one ever asked him before.

 

Good Scouting Luck to you...

 

 

[scottteng]

"Boys find fault with the other boy and then tell you how you should give the other one extra stuff to do"

Sounds like a lot of long married couples bickering! These boys know each other all too well each complaining about in the other boy what they fear they lack. They will either grow out of it or grow up to marry their brother. Sounds just like the old all you do is sit on the couch and drink beer and watch sports song and dance.