Feeling guilty.

[Eamonn]

The Ship's Committee working on my recommendation removed a male Sea Scout from the Ship.

He was removed for molesting another male Sea Scout.

We (the committee and myself) didn't "get into" looking at this as a homosexual or gay thing, we just seen it as unacceptable behaviour.

Because the Scout was also a member of a Boy Scout Troop (In fact the other Sea Scout is also on the charter of the same Troop) I did inform the Scoutmaster of the Troop what had happened.

The Troop also seen fit to remove him.

I informed our SE about what had happened and what action the Ship was taking.

He got back to me telling me it was a unit decision.

I had hoped that he would take a firmer stand and revoke his membership.

Still what he choose or wanted to do was up to him.

I did feel that I had done all that I needed to do.

A couple of months have gone by.

We went to see OJ sing in what was his final Chorus Concert.

I noticed that this Ex-Sea Scout wasn't there.

I thought this was kind of strange as attendance is part of the grade given.

I mentioned to OJ that I didn't see the Lad.

As ever OJ gave me the "How Should I know and I don't care" look.

A couple of days later OJ informed me that the Lad had been expelled from school.

It seems that the band had gone away to play at a theme park for a weekend and the Lad had touched someone other students.

He has had to pay some sort of fine and has been expelled.

Of course his parents knew everything that I knew.

I had made a big deal of asking them to get him some help.

Sadly they got mad at me!! Telling me I was being unfair and was over stepping my bounds by telling the Troop and not allowing him to complete his Eagle project.

I'm a big Lad!! I could see that they were upset and mad. I hoped in time they would calm down and do something to get the help that their kid needed.

The mother of the Sea Scout who was molested asked me if I was going to inform the school?

I said that I didn't know who I should tell or how to go about it. I went on to say that maybe she should tell the school as both boys attend the same school.

Needless to say she didn't and of course I didn't.

I don't know if maybe I had called the school (They know me well!!) If maybe this incident with the band could have been avoided?

Right now I'm feeling very guilty.

I can't help feeling that I should have done more.

When this all happened my main concern was the other Sea Scout and the Ship.

Maybe I'm not such a big Lad after all?

Maybe I just didn't want to stir things up any more that I had done?

Maybe I wasn't as Brave as I should or might have been?

I'm willing to share the blame.

Maybe if the parents had got the Lad the help he needed?

Maybe the mother of the Scout who was abused had called the school?

Seems to Be a lot of maybes!!

For the record the Scout who was molested is 15 and the Lad who we removed will be 17 this year.

This wasn't a case of "Boys being boys".

I do feel my complacency has caused a lot of problems.

Eamonn.

[Stosh]

Had the first incident been reported to the authorities, I wonder if this behavior would have continued on into other situations. Sometimes we "protect" such people in the interest of getting them some help, but this boy was expelled from the Ship, the Troop and after another incident school. No one seems at all interested in getting this boy help and thus an official report to authorities would have curtailed the problem from the get-go and possibly forced some sort of counseling.

[WDL Mom]

Eamonn,

 

One possiblity might have been to contact the Department of Human Services in your area. If DHS is contacted, then they investigate the claim and take it from there, including contacting the school and the police. They will take reports from third parties and I believe from individuals that aren't considered Mandatory Reporters. (At least they will in our area.) DHS will probably not tell you the result of the investigation.

 

Doing this will set the system in motion. It is confidential.

It could very well upset both sets of parents.

[GernBlansten]

Eamonn,

You informed the SE which you are required to do under BSA policies. You did your duty. The SE should have informed law enforcement as it involves assault. Sounds like he punted. It is not your responsibility to notify every possible organization that this perp is involved in. That's law enforcement's responsibility.

I sure wouldn't want to be in the SE's shoes if the parents of the subsequent victims come looking for answers.

[eagle90]

I agree with Gern. The SE dropped the ball big time. It's his/her resposibility to follow up with other authorities when something is reported to him. Otherwise, why are we reporting such incidents? A few years back I reported a domestic abuse situation to our SE. He got back to me a few days later saying he informed the school district, and they were aware of the problem and already had a case file opened. The SE was doing his job. Sounds like yours wasn't. You did your job.

[Eagledad]

If its not guilt one way, it can be the other way. We had a couple similar situations, one being with an adult. He lost his temper and hit a scout with a nalgene bottle on the Philmont trail. Scout wasnt physically hurt, but it scared the crew enough to report it. We followed the book and gave our reports. Our SE did his job and reported the incident and the guy got fired from his job. I didnt want that, I only wanted him away from our scouts. Maybe I shouldnt care, but family security is one of our most important responsibilities and I was involved in taking it away from one family.

 

Its a screwed up world and there just arent enough instructions to explain how to deal with every situation. Who knows, maybe reporting it to the school would have only deflected the problem somewhere else and made things worse. I dont know, but scouting sure can be hard.

 

God's peace be with you.

 

Barry

 

[Lisabob]

Not only do I agree that you did all that could be reasonably expected, but also, there may be reasons to be careful about whom else you report this to. Indeed, if anybody was in a position to talk to the school about it, I would think it would've been the parents of the boy who was victimized. They have a very immediate, real concern, having their child in school with this other boy. Not to say that you don't have a concern too - but your standing in the eyes of the school is different since the incident only indirectly involves you or your family. Quite likely, had you mentioned this to the school officials, they wouldn't have been able to act on this information anyway because they couldn't substantiate it, it didn't happen at a school event, etc.. Even supposing you told them off the record and they were inclined to believe every word of it (which is entirely possible), they still probably couldn't have kept the boy from attending the band trip without further proof of wrong-doing.

 

And I think I'd follow up with the SE to ask under what circumstances he would consider revoking a youth's membership. If this doesn't warrant such action, where does he draw the line?

[SWScouter]

I wouldn't just say that the SE messed up. It really depends on the laws where Eamonn lives. I know that in Arizona, where I live, it is my responsibility to report to the proper agency any reasonable suspicion of abuse. So if the situation that Eamonn describes happened in the unit I'm involved with, I would, per AZ state law, need to report it to Child Protective Services. Also, per BSA policy, I would have to report it to the SE. Now, I imagine, the SE would also be obligated to report it to CPS under AZ law.

 

I think it's important to use the BSA online YPT when these situations arise so that we ensure that we take all the appropriate action we're legally responsible to do.

[SWScouter]

I should had a bit more.

 

I should only report this to people that are supposed to hear it, i.e., the SE and the government agency. I'm not supposed to tell anyone else, not even other adults in the unit! The proper agency will then (hopefully) take the apropriate actions, such as notify other people (e.g., the school) or get help for both the abuser and the victim, etc. This can be very important. What if the abuse ends up being unfounded, we don't want to ruin anyone but we do want action to occur.

 

SWScouter

[anarchist]

Feeling guilty?

 

Molested kids parents should have reported the "suspected" molester to the police immediately...and if they have not should do so now!

 

Unfortunately, predators are opportunistic and are rarely caught their first or second or even third time...By the time they finally get "turned in", most have been praying on others for long periods of time. Wanna bet that this situation "could have been stopped" if someone would have spoken up earlier.

 

While following the BSA guidelines is adequate...for our organization...I wonder if we would have the same "group feeling" if Eamonn had "simply" ejected a knife welding murderer from the ship?

 

Not to rain on you Eamonn, but sexual predators do tremendous damage...damage that follows the victims, in many cases, for the rest of their lives.

 

Hopefully, it is now in the hands of professionals. If the predator 'acted out' in school/or on a school sponsored activity, I believe Eamonns State has laws that require immediate reporting by educational professionals...of any suspected case of child abuse (which this certainly is). I hope it has been looked at hard!

Sometimes just following the rules is not enough.

 

Anarchist

 

P.S. almost all states that require reporting of molestation and abuse have shield laws as long as the reporter is acting in "good faith"(This message has been edited by anarchist)

[packsaddle]

Thankfully, I have never been tested in this manner. However, Eamonn, as others have already written, you did what you needed to do and acted properly. I would only add that the fact that you feel this way, worrying about doing the right thing in retrospect, is further evidence of the intensity that you sincerely care for young people and try to provide for their guidance and nurture. It only raises you further in my already high estimation.

[RangerT]

AAHH Eamonn,

 

Sounds to me like you are letting that old Catholic guilt get the better of you. You did all you were supposed to do. I am curious though, did you have some earlier feelings/doubts about this boy before this and never followed up? Is that where your guilt is coming from?

 

No one is perfect, we do the best we can. You have brought this boys reign of terror to an end and THAT is the important part.

[Eamonn]

RangerT

To be honest the lad who did the molesting was never one of my favorites.

He does have problems with ADD.

However at times I felt he used this as an excuse to not do what he was supposed to do and wore it like some kind of "Get Out Of Jail Free" Badge.

I did and still do feel sorry for the kid.

He has a really hard time making friends and an even harder time keeping them.

I'm not sure but I think he has a learning disability. Talking with his parents they said homework was like world war 3. He became very frustrated, it took all night and by the end of the night the entire house was in shambles.

While he has always been a strange Lad, I never thought of him acting out like this.

I do know all (Well almost all) the teachers at the school. In fact when we had the restaurant open we were the Friday After School Watering Hole for the teachers.

Me picking up the phone and having a word in someones ear really wouldn't have been that hard.

I know at some level I was hoping that his parents would do the right thing.

Sadly they were too busy being upset and mad at me.

The Lad is a skinny Lad, who doesn't weigh 120 pounds. The Lad he touched is a big beefy over 200 pound Lad. I have to own up to thinking why the heck didn't he beat the living daylights out of him!! - So much for me being civilized!!

I know I can't undo what has been done.

I do now wonder what I would have done it the incident with the band had happened first?

I do feel really sad for all the kids involved and their parents.

This kid is crying out for help.

I did try and make his parents see this, but at the end of the day he is their kid.

While I do feel bad for them, there is a part of me that is saying thank the good Lord he is their's and not mine.

Eamonn.

[orennoah]

Not knowing enough about the original Sea Scout molestation, I can't be sure, but it would likely be a criminal act and that the police should have been involved right away. That would have taken away from you the task of having to figure which agencies to inform.

[Eamonn]

I'm not sure, but I don't think when what happened was with two boys aged 15 and 16 that this is a criminal act.

It might be seen as some sort of an assault?

If there had been a bigger age gap?

I think I remember reading two years in the YP training's. But don't quote me.

The parent of the boy who was molested didn't want anything other than the other boy to get help.

As for the details, it seems the one Lad was trying to preform oral sex on the other.

This went far beyond what might be the normal things that I have known young Scouts can get up too.

I'm now 51 years old and have been in Scouting since I was seven and I have never known anything like this.

Ea.