Parent Trouble

[firecrafter]

Just wanted to thank everyone again for your thoughts on this and give an update.

 

CC made the call to Dad to let him know he was no longer welcome at meetings. Next morning Dad shows up in the office of our charter's IH, VERY loud and unpleasant. So much so that security was alerted to trouble in the building. The IH stood up to Dad in a tough but diplomatic way. Dad left angry and unsatisfied. Needless to say IH was in total agreement with us, especially after his encounter with Dad.

Dad then went to council, which is his right, with no success. The Scout Executive (a woman, which did not set well with Dad, LOL) backed us 100%.

 

We decided to alert the local police to be available at our next few meetings. No problems thus far. We did have a few other incidents involving Dad & son come to light since all this started. Another Dad came to the committee with complaints about this fellow. We are just relieved he is gone peacefully.

 

Thanks again for your thoughts.

-firecrafter-

[AntelopeDud]

firecrafter,

 

I know your thoughts are and have always been with the young son of this crazy man. We all want to help as many kids as we can, especially when it appears there is trouble. Ultimately, the right thing was done in that you've done what needed to be done for the good of the unit and boys in it. The best we can do is pray for this young man who seems to be lost in the cross-fire and hope that his dad receives the help he needs.

 

You did good - now on to the business of your Troop.

 

-AD

[evmori]

Thanks for the update firecrafter! You did the right & correct thing. I pray this guy now leaves you alone.

 

If you do get a request for the boys advancement records from another unit, I would tell them about dad.

 

Ed Mori

Troop 1

1 Peter 4:10

[kb6jra]

Wow, what a drama. I've had parent issues before but this was a corker. Glad this has seemingly been taken care of, now the unit can heal itself back to high productivity.

 

Our unit lost two families in a row over disciplinary action against their boys. It was horrible to go through, but in the end our troop is oh so much stronger. Good luck

[Lynda J]

If this man is a convicted felon he should not be at meetings with the boys and certainly not on camping trips. He isn't registered with BSA. Our CO requires and any adult attending camping trips be registered with BSA. Plain and simple.

You also need to include your Unit Commissioner and possible your District Commissioner in meetings with this parent.

I would also contact the previous troop and find out exactly what happened. He this man broke someones are in an argument you do not want him any where around the boys. We had one parent that had been in prison twice on drug charges. When her son joined the troop it was made clear that she could come to COR's but could not attend any other events. While her son was in the Pack and Troop she was sent away twice more. They finally moved out of the area which was very sad for me because this young man now has no positive role models in his life. I know she hasn't put him back in Scouts because the only reason he was in was because he is Kevin's age and in 3rd grade their teacher came to me about getting him in. It took me a month to get her to sign the papers. I paid his registration and after that I found him a sponsor to cover his expenses.

 

But no way would I allow this man around the boys.

[prairie]

Does he report to a perole officer?

Something is creepy weird about this guy, its like he is looking for something to get mad about.

[kb6jra]

I hope we get an update about this in a week or two. Please...

 

We had a situation similar, but not as "violent". A boyfriend of a single mother accompanied mom and the scout to a pack check last summer before out annual week long backpack trip. The man is an Eagle Scout, former Scoutmaster, seems very knowledgeable.

 

When the man arrives at the pack check, he starts in on my ASM's in a yelling, finger pointing frenzy. I get a call on my cell, I'm a few minutes late, and they ask "are you on your way?", no explanation, just wanted to know if I'm coming. I tell them I'll be there in a minute and they hang up. No warning, so I had a few words with them later as you can imagine :0

 

The man sees me pull up and unload my burbie. He walks up and starts ranting and raving about what WE expect this Scout to bring along on a hike, and he lists all of the equipment and how another adult is going over it and telling the boy that "this isn't right, you need a new ####, and this needs to be looked at, you need a different ####". this is normal and part of the process.

 

After about 10 min of getting screamed on, another father comes up behind me and asks this man "obviously we need help figuring all of this stuff out, you seem to think we don't have control. We could really use your help to get back on track". That was a textbook classic response and he was perfect in delivery and timing. The man just stared at him and told us that he doesn't have time and we should know what we're doing. (we do)

 

The man then asks me point blank "when were you going to teach this boy what to pack and what was acceptable?" Well, I say, Two months ago we had a campout at a local scout camp. 3 days of training for new scouts, their parents, and our leaders, and we had this boys patrol attend to lead the campout and demonstrate the use of the equipment, teach hiking techniques, etc. The man says,"we weren't there", I said "I know". He then asked me "How do these boys know how to prepare food for these trips, this boy was told to prepare a meal and he has no idea how". to which I answered " Last month I had all boys and parents who were interested come to my house. We went shopping for the right stuff then went back to my kitchen and fixed it all up, divided up the food, dehydrated the cooked meat, all in preparation for a campout". He said "we weren't there", and again I said "I know".

 

At that point he looked at me, my friend and my son (who was standing there slack jawed) then turned and walked off into the sunset. Didn't even wait in the car, just walked away down the street. Wow.

His girlfriend apologized for him and we got on with the day's stuff.

 

Several months later this man showed up to a troop function, walked up to every boy first and apologized, then walked up to every adult and apologized, then walked up to me, apologized and offered to help in any way he could. That turned out to be a very good day for me.

 

I just thought I'd share this story since I know that there are always similar issues within our units. Firecrafter is not alone. Bringing in so many different families and personalities into a group will produce some tensions at times, and every time there's a different solution. This time the issue worked out for me, but it may not next time. Who knows.

[Ekmiranda]

You have a very un nerving situation. I feel that the advise that has been give is good BUT you need to take the Troop into consideration as a hole. From reading your comments this is a very un-stable person and I would not want him around my Cubs. A few thought which I am sure that you have done is does the child show any signs of abuse? Have you contacted the Troop that He left and what was the situation there. Where does the mother come into play? is there a mother? how does the child feel? Is the child be-littled? Alot of questions. I know that it would be un-fair to the child to asked to leave but here is a short story.Radio show I was lisening to about dogs biting people this lady called and said that her dog nipped her 2 year old and she was going to give the dog a second chance it was a local station and the lady gave her name and the type of dog a few people later called and as did I and said that she should get rid of the dog. Well a few weeks later in the paper, I am sorry to say the Child was in the hospital and the dog was being put down. The moral to this is get rid of the parent and the scout if you have to but do it with council around and COR. YOU WON'T GET A SECOND CHANCE.

 

EKMiranda

[GernBlansten]

After about 10 min of getting screamed on, another father comes up behind me and asks this man "obviously we need help figuring all of this stuff out, you seem to think we don't have control. We could really use your help to get back on track".

Been there, done that. None more effective method to defuse a conflict. Enlist the complainer to solve the problem. Often it just shuts them up. Otherwise it transfers the resolution from you to them. Exactly what they don't want or expect. Pretty effective with middle managers of large corporations too!

[firecrafter]

For those that missed it, there is an update above.

 

A few other interesting facts...

Someone asked about the troop this family came from. We called everyone, from District Ex. to Scoutmasters, in their community/district, and although they were very forthcoming, no one has ever heard of these people. Mom is a mystery too.

 

As far as this man being allowed on outings. He has never been on an outing except to arrive early Sun. morning to pick his own son up. We only allow registered scouters on outings.

 

You must understand that these things happened over a series of months. So at first, although we thought Dad was a bit different, there was no case for alarm until recently. Dad's demeanor is generaly very gruff-which we had come to accept as "just how he is"...until the outbursts started. Things had gotten progressively worse over the past 2 months.

 

The boy seems happy, healthy, clean, and seems comfortable & outspoken with Dad. He has special health needs which Dad is very careful about, and always has the equipment he needs for camping.

 

As I mentioned above, the matter has been resolved. Everyone from the district to the CMs agreed that asking them to leave was for the best. We have mailed records, awards and a complete refund of dues to the boy.

 

I applaud our CC & SM for moving quickly to ensure safety and peace of mind for our troop, and intend to make this known at the upcoming committee meeting.

 

Thanks again!

-firecrafter-