Protocol/Etiquette for death of a Scout or leader?

[rkfrance]

Are there established guidelines on the death of a Scout or leader? I imagine there's a lot a flying by the seat of your pants in these situations. No where in any of my trainings has it ever been mentioned.

 

Our situation - the Institutional Head of our CO passed unexpectedly a couple of days ago. We're trying to put together the proper course of action.

[scoutldr]

I don't think there are "established guidelines". Last month the dad of one of our scouts passed from a very aggressive pancreatic cancer. In the short months leading up to it, we tried to ensure that the scout had our support and a "normal" routine. We watched him grow up a lot in the past six months. We all attended the service as a group, in full uniform.

[hotdesk]

Our troop has lost 3 active leaders in the 8 years that I have been with them.

 

For each one we went to the funeral, as a group, in uniform. We also provided a flag color gaurd to present and retire the colors.

 

We usually also provide the salads/sides for the lucheon.

 

In July the troop lost its Scoutmaster. For this we provided a troop flag for his casket. During the funeral we had it on top of it and then at the retiring of the colors 2 of his very active assistants folded the flag and gave it to his widow.

[Crew21_Adv]

rkfrance,

 

Greetings!

 

I am sorry to hear about the loss of your troop's IH/CO.

 

The death of a friend and memorial services are an event that most youth do not experience until their adulthood. There is very little current literature or established guidelines that I know of in the BSA. Online, you may view the Relationship Division, BSA, Chaplains Aide manual, which describes only one possible service.

 

http://www.scouting.org/relationships/chaplains/index.html

 

 

There are probably just few common practices when a troop (or troops) attend a memorial service. Some life long Scouters and their families have established a small endowment to their respective council, which will go on to help many of the Scouts in the neighborhood, city or state. But another way is to ask for beneficiary contributions be made to the local council in lieu of flowers.

 

I myself am living overseas again, and regretfully I had a good friend and Scouter pass away just a couple of month ago, in the Gulf Coast Council, Florida. Too far away for myself to attend. His service was held at noon on a Friday (a school day), but it was reported that he had many more youth and adults from the community and nearby cities in Scouting uniform to attend his memorial services, than family and friends in formal attire. I understand that the extended family was touched by the impact this man had on Scouting.

 

Similarly, his immediate family established a fund at the council office, in lieu of floral arrangements.

 

Again.. Sorry for your loss.

 

Scouting Forever and Venture On!

Crew21 Adv

 

[epalmer84]

We had a former Scout die in Iraq last year. He was with the troop only a year, but we still recognized him. The DE and the troop leadership attended the memorial in uniform.

 

His mother was my assitant Webelos den leader when his brother was a Webelos Scout. She wrote a book about Jason and his service:

http://www.whenjohnnydoesntcomemarchinghome.com/

 

On a side note, one of our Eagle Scouts was selected to play Taps at the Pearl Harbor service:

http://www.newsleader.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20061212/NEWS01/612120311&SearchID=73265948886792

[fotoscout]

I often think that when we do these kinds of things we need to keep the family in mind. Remember that Scouting was only a part of the deceased life. There may be other children in the family that are not in Scouting, think of their feelings when the wake or service is overwhelmed by Scouts and Scouter's. Then there is the extended family, most likely they knew the deceased as Joe or Mike, not as Mr. Scouter.

 

Ask the family for permission, and do only what you've discussed with them.

 

Some time ago I went to a Scouter's funeral as a part of the "Scout Contingent" from our district. He was a UC. Between his Packs, Troops, and the Council contingent we overwhelmed the funeral home. I can only think how unimportant all the other guests felt. There were no seats, and no room to move. Most of us got up and moved to the outside of the room, but still some remained seated.......and the family & friends had to stand. I felt that we intruded on a very personal event.

 

So whatever you do, please remember that most of the Scouts or Scouter's that attend will do so out of obligation and respect, but they will not have had the relationship with the deceased that his family and longtime friends have had.

[emb021]

"I often think that when we do these kinds of things we need to keep the family in mind. Remember that Scouting was only a part of the deceased life. There may be other children in the family that are not in Scouting, think of their feelings when the wake or service is overwhelmed by Scouts and Scouter's. Then there is the extended family, most likely they knew the deceased as Joe or Mike, not as Mr. Scouter. "

 

"Ask the family for permission, and do only what you've discussed with them."

 

I guess it depends on the area.

 

Around here, most funerals for scouters that have any 'scouting presence' other then a token few, its for those people who were very involved and the family was quite aware of their involvement. The sort were you have scouts as part of a color guard or even pallbearers.

 

 

[Fuzzy Bear]

Death is a democratic event. Organizations, family members, and individuals are all affected by the person dying. The funeral home/church tries to bring a type of general order within the wishes of the direct family members. Sometimes there are so many that want to express their feelings but time limits their actions. It is like life itself being replayed in miniature.

 

A long time professional Scouter was diabetic and he knew that it was a matter of time. He planned the proceedings. It was a simple church service in a large auditorium. Someone from his church spoke and another sang. A friend and Scouter recounted his life. A Scout played "On My Honor" as we all stood. Most were in uniforms. So many knew him and loved him.

 

Death brings our deepest emotions to the surface and causes us to pause and to consider our own mortality. It is a time that brings focus to that which is most important to us. The small things become trivial by comparison. A funeral can be an expression of who we are and an attempt to relate it one last time to those we love. It most probably wont be complete because we are complex and when we love it is hard to express. fb

 

[scottteng]

I have heard that one way of measuring the impact of someones life is the number of people that show up at their funeral. Overwhelming a funeral is highly unlikely. What is more likely is that by showing up you will make a statement to someones family that the service they gave and the commitment that they made were not in vain. Even though those same family members may have questioned or even ridiculed that person's comitmant. Go ahead overwhelm them if you can, there is a lesson to be learned. I speak from personal experience when my Grandfather passed a large contingent was there from the masonic temple which played a large part in his life but which none of the family had embraced. Remember you pick your friends but are stuck with your family.

[John-in-KC]

If the death happens during a Tour Permitted Scouting activity, or happens at a Scout Camp, not only is there an etiquette protocol, there is a PROCEDURAL PROTOCOL. The SE needs to be notified, and the unit can expect an investigation of facts and circumstances. SE notification begins by notifying the responsible Professional, be he a Ranger, a Reservation Director, or a DE.

 

The issues involve the liability insurance.

 

This is at least how I've been trained through my Council Campmaster Corps.

[Mike F]

One of our very active Scouters passed away unexpectedly a couple of years ago. There were well over 100 scouts and scouters at his funeral. We passed the word for all to go outside immediately after the ceremony to line the walk where the pallbearers would bring him to the hearse. As they came out the door, I called Scout salute! There were very few dry eyes. His wife told me afterwards thats just the send-off he would have wanted.

 

Prayers for his family and your unit.

 

-mike

[hotdesk]

I can speak from having my dad, who was the Scoutmaster of our troop at the time of his death, that having a good turn out of scouts and scouters was very nice and important to our family. it should that the time that he spent doing scouting was appreciated and felt.

 

 

[CA_Scouter]

Odd on the timing of this thread getting re-started... Exactly one year ago this week, we lost a scout in a pedestrian -vs- car traffic accident.

 

The family asked me to speak at the ceremony and every scout in the troop, along with nearly every family member, attended the memorial service ( despite it being in the middle of the week ).

 

After I spoke, the troop stood at attention, and gave our scout a final salute. It was very fitting, dignified and respectful, and I'm fortunate that I didn't fall down in a heap on the floor in the middle of it. :-(

 

Speak to the family to see if they would like you to have some role in the ceremony. At the very least, showing up in uniform lends formality, sincerety, and respect for the departed's involvement in Scouting.

 

I'm very sorry for your loss.