Dealing with gung ho new parents

[FireKat]

Trust me, I would not keep my son in an "eagle mill" and if it changes to that we will move troops (some discussion on that has occured). That is why we joined this troop - they expect alot from the boys so they get it. I do not wish to see the expecations for WORKING for ranks/badges reduced to the "Miil" level. Not all scouts obtain eagle... one of the SM's sons stopped at life by choice. I wish to keep this rep.

 

The MB councilor for Citizenship found the boys not interested but the parents said they must attend. Also the parent hinted that attendeees will get the badge and it is not upto the MBC. That is an attitude I do not want in my son's troop.

[Lisabob]

As always there are many sides to any story. From personal experience not too long ago as a "new parent" (in a different troop, but similar issues) let me suggest a few things that these gung ho new parents might be thinking. These aren't in a sequence and may, or may not, come packaged together.

 

1. Here your new parents are, ready to help, but the existing leadership is clique-y and not very welcoming of new members or ideas. They're stuck in the "we do it this way because we've always done it this way" mode, sure to breed some resentment.

2. Your new parents may have just come from cubs but they might have worked really hard to educate themselves about how boy scouts works and how it is different from cubs. Seeing is different from reading/training, true, but don't patronize them by assuming they are completely clueless. (I was told that even though I had been to WB and received my beads, took all the training I could, and helped coordinate our district's webelos-scout transition program, those "didn't count" since I was still involved w/ cubs at the time)

3. Boy-led can be messy and frustrating to parents with limited time/resources, if it isn't working well. I know that the few months of meetings where the highlight was playing (ahem) duck duck goose because the PLC was failing to plan or execute well, did not sit AT ALL well with me, or several other new parents, or the boys either, in my son's troop. We paid all this money and are investing all this time, for that? Along the same lines - for the first few months I saw some physical activity at meetings that I really wasn't happy about (older boys flinging younger ones over their shoulder, swinging them around in ways I thought unsafe, etc.). In cubs an adult would've immediately stepped in, which wasn't happening here. Lots of "new parents" got the notion that the adults "in charge" were either clueless or just not paying attention, and could these same people then be trusted to take our sons camping? An open discussion about what was going on behind the scenes, why things were a bit rocky and how it was being addressed, would've helped dispell some of these worries and might have kept some tensions between new parents and "seasoned" adult leaders from developing.

4. It needs to be clear that the adults who are involved are there for the boys, and not purely for their own reasons. Of course it should be fun (why would we ever sacrifice so much of our time, personal lives, and money if it weren't?) but boy scouts is not a camping club for a clique of adults, where the boys are just an excuse to go out. If that's how it looks to new parents, you're going to have some problems.

 

When new parents get the above impressions, whether right or wrong, it is often the result of poor communication among all of the adults. Personally I really think it is incumbent on the existing adult leaders to reach out, rather than to blame these "difficult" new parents, who may have legitimate concerns from their point of view. Sure there are some people who are just a pain and you'll get your share of those, but if you're seeing a whole group of new parents coalescing around one or a couple of these vocal new leaders, then that suggests to me that the established leaders haven't done a good enough job of working with the new parents to help them learn the program and find a place within it where they can be productive.

 

Lisa'bob

[John-in-KC]

Ahh, more information. As several of us have noted over time, we never have all of the story here.

 

They've been to scout camp with their son, and they've had Fast Start. Great. They're not ready to have a "Trained" strip on their shirts yet.

 

Since they went to camp, I assume they are registered Scouters. If not, register them. Put them in as Members of the Committee (MC). Why? The Scoutmaster can ask them to leave the program area The program is his, the support is the Committee's

 

Get them trained.

 

Give them things to do. Those things need not be in front of the youth. I have not met the CC who cannot locate needed work in his area. Are all the tents seam-sealed?

 

Hold them accountable for results in their lane.

 

We want their energy, desire, dedication and enthusiasm. Even if they want to hijack the Troop, we want their energy... It just has to be channeled.

 

One of two things will eventually happen: They'll become team players or they'll walk away.

 

Remember, the working democracy of a Troop is down with the youth. Leader selection is top down from the IH and COR. The committee is a support organization. It can (and properly should) give a certain amount of guidance to the SM and SPL, but that guidance is pretty big broad brush stuff.

[madmike]

I realize this thread is old, but it had some really good info in it and wanted to add something.

 

I can sympathise with new adults who are "overly eager" I just got my son into cub scouts, I was in a very active Boy Scout Troop as a kid / young adult and have my eagle, so I was very excited to get him into scouting. To be honest I even sewed on all his patches for his uniform because we were too impatient to wait for the wife to do it(or take them to the cleaners to have done)Dont tell my ex-infantry buddies that I know how to sew!

 

Our Pack is fairly large and they looked "squared away" so I didnt want to seem "gung-ho" so I mainly watched the first meeting, and took in the information.

 

The day after the orientation meeting I emailed the cubmaster and told him I was looking forward to helping out in any way possible and wanted to introduce myself, I got a response back that basically said....

 

"Good You can be the ACM while you get your training, because I have been doing this for 4 years and no one else wanted to be the CM, so I am glad you can have the CM job in May when My son moves into Boy Scouts"

 

just thought that was kind of funny. but anyways good info in this thread...

 

 

(This message has been edited by madmike)

[John-in-KC]

Mr Madmike,

 

Welcome to the adult side of Scouting. Have fun with your "hour a week." Thank you for taking up the slack in your Pack!!

 

I promise, though, the time you serve helping youth become great young people will be rewarding

[darboy55]

Hmmmm found me .... gun ho parent.... been there done that and still doing it.... Asst Cub Master, Wolf Den Leader, Asst Scout Master, one troop and Committee Member for another. Been to Cub Training CM Specific, SM Specific, Outdoor, Den Chief, Baloo, would be going to WoodBadge this year but heck running out of cycles.... Have only been this involved for 3 years and one of those in Boy Scouting..... before that just a Webalos Den Leader for 2 of those years. ok, so I am a boy scout in 50 year old suite... but here are a lot of us out there and we are very frustrated when the troop does not use the patrol method and the leadership says it boy run... well not in my eyes...so here is the scoop.... if the troop my son belongs, which he made the choice to join, did have a Patrol Run program with SPL etc running the meetings, the outings etc and did so in a manner which meets BSA guidelines I would take my lounge chair to campouts and enjoy watching the kids growing up with peers providing the paths of growth with only the leaders providing guidance.... I would really like that, as long as it can be done in a efficient manner. I really hate wasting cycles through duplication. I put up with it but don't like it... So now what does a gun ho parent do when the senior leadership team does not communicate well with either the scouts or the parents, does not let the troop run through he SPL and ASPL and or the patrols method and makes the following statements "Don't worry, we will take care of it", or we will tell them when they / you need to know... Now these are a good bunch of folks and for the most part have BS Tan color for blood.... not a bad one in the bunch, except me, since I am the gun ho parent....