How do you deal with people that push there sons?

[Venividi]

I still believe a particular scouts motivation and speed of advancement is not mine to judge or slow down...I am in scouting to help, not to hinder and certainly not to judge...

 

I would supplement this with "help" meaning to help the scout achieve, and not helping to define requirements to be low enough to pass without effort. My experience with scouts parents that were pushy was that they were more likely to be demanding that the SM consider their son's efforts and scout spirit to be "good enough", than they were to demand that their son meet troop expectations. I suspect this is because parents pushing their son to achieve was not visible to me; those that wanted expectations lowered were. Similar to anarchist, others may have differing experiences.

[VinceC]

 

I have a father in my pack that pushed his two sons for advancement to the point where I don't know how the boys beared it. One is a Webelos one, the other is in his second year of boy scouts. He said to the older scout in front of me, "You want to be an eagle scout like Mr. C. right? You have to work harder and faster if you want to get there." When we were alone I explained to the father that I didn't earn my eagle until I was nearly 18. He nearly fell over when I told him that. I did explain to him that my dad kept on top of my time frame so that I wouldn't miss out on my eagle, and that I feel I appreciated the rank even more earning it a bit older than some others, as I had a better understanding of what it meant. I then told him of about a boy that was in my troop when I was an ASM. He had parents that pushed him right to the edge, and he "got even". This scout made it to the rank of Life Scout, laid out his service project, was one merit badge away from Eagle, then quit. He had enough. We couldn't get him to pursue it any more. He was a great scout, and the others in the troop really liked him. He was a good leader to the younger boys. We were sure he did it to spite his parents. Not very scout like, but one had to see how the parents took the fun out of their son's scouting experience.

Since telling the dad in my pack this story, and explaining to him in a very nice way to ease up a little, he has let the boys go at more of their own pace. He has gone from pushing to motivating, and that is a big difference.

Vince.

[SSScout]

I find great agreement with all that has been said, especially VinceC and CA_scouter. I am reminded of a comment attributed to Harry Truman. Mr. Truman was asked how he got his daughter to be such a good pianist and he reportedly replied that he found out what SHE liked to do and then encouraged her to do it.

[yellow_hammer]

Last Saturday my son went to a merit badge day at our local science museum. He earned the chemistry merit badge. The prerequisite for the session was to read the chemistry merit badge book. For three weeks I've been reminding him and sometimes pushing him to read the book so he would be prepared.

 

He had a great time on Saturday and guess what I caught him doing on Sunday... reading the book again. Go figure.

[firecrafter]

When our son was 7 he asked to play the violin. We arranged for lessons. When he was 13 he asked to play the guitar. We arranged for lessons again. We never nagged him to practice but he understood that we would not waste family income or time on the lessons if he did not practice. We listened to him play, attended concerts, and encouraged him as he improved. Today he is a professional musician and composer.

A person has to want something for themselves.

By the way, he also wanted to be an Eagle Scout. Same philosophy, same result.

firecrafter

[KoreaScouter]

I consider "stage mothers" (and, to be fair, fathers) to be a pain the neck sometimes, but in the balance, I also consider them to be a "good problem". At least they're:

 

1). There

2). Involved

 

I've known many boys in Scouting whose parents have never looked between the covers of their Handbooks, don't help with anything, and are MIA when their sons are recognized at a COH. That's a heart breaker, because you know that Scouting likely isn't the only part of his life his parents aren't involved in. Coincidentally, or maybe not coincidentally, those boys tend to advance far slower than their peers, and don't get as much out of Scouting.

 

One thing I've learned is that it does you no good to critique other people's parenting styles. For one thing, it really is none of our business unless they're doing something reportable. And for another, who really knows their kids better than the parents? I hit as many foul balls as home runs with mine...and I've lived with them since their first breath. How could a stranger know better?

 

I realize those are probably two extremes on a fairly broad continuum. Most of us are in the middle somewhere. I remember when my son was a 2nd year Webelos, he asked if he could have a notebook computer. I told him he'd get one at his Eagle Scout COH, and congratulated myself for deflecting that request for what I thought would be a long time. Well, wouldn't you know he remembered that promise, and I'll be darned if I didn't have to start looking at the ads in the Sunday paper!

 

KS