Do your Scouts call you by your first name

[vmpost]

First name. I really believe this is an environmental thing...if it is customary in your region or situation, then certainly Mr/Ms is appropriate. We live in a small community. Many of our Cub & Boy Scouts are in my home outside Scouting. I know them personally & well. I have coached them. I have coffee with their parents. That sort of thing. However, some of the leaders are leaders in our community...Dr's & Teachers...they are referred to as Mr/Ms/Dr.

 

I agree with seed...respect doesn't come with a name. I have heard people called Mr/Ms Lastname with great disrespect, and I hear my first name said with respect. It's the rest of the "stuff" that makes it.

[MSMailand]

In my troop, the scouts call us leaders, scoutmasters, asst. scoutmasters.. by our first name.

 

Scouts parents also call us by our first names.

 

We are in a somewhat small town with a small troop.

 

We Scoutmasters both live out of town, and neither of us has a son in the troop. It's our old troop when we were scouts. I got my Eagle, and stayed in as ASM. That was 9 years ago. My assistant, earned his Eagle, didn't like the SM or the Committee at the time, or how the troop was being run, so he left for a few years.

 

We do have all the scouts call other adults in the troop with Mr/Mrs/Ms. Unless they say other.

[GS-CS_leader]

In both my GS troop and CS den, different scouts call me different things. But there are a number of complicating factors, especially in my GS troop.

 

Here's where I come from: I grew up in the 60's and 70's addressing most non-relative adults as Mr./Mrs. Lastname, except that since I'm Chinese, we called my parents' Chinese friends Auntie/Uncle Firstname. I'm a traditionalist, so I'm personally more comfortable calling people at least 20 years older than I am Mr./Mrs. and have had to make a real effort to switch when asked to do so by people such as parents of friends. When I worked in a small software company, I always felt a bit funny using first names with much older co-workers even though that was the way things were done there. If not introduced differently, I refer to people, especially those senior to me in position, regardless of age as Mr./Mrs./Dr./Prof. I believe it is rude to call people by their first name without their permission. I called my grad school thesis advisor Prof. Maiden-name (she doesn't use her husband's last name at all) even though she is a year *younger* than I am, until she told me that one thing she hated in Germany where she lived for a couple of years is that they are so formal that they called her by a title that was ridiculously long and she'd prefer I called her by her first name. However, a thesis co-advisor who I think is also my age has never requested anything else, so I still call him Prof. Last-name. (I'm still working at the university as a post-doc.)

 

I have taught my children to refer to adults by Mr./Mrs. Lastname and would prefer that my scouts do the same, but I don't insist on it. Two of my scouts who are sisters and call me by my first name even call their own MOTHER by her first name. But my co-leader seems to prefer to be called by her first name, but doesn't care too strongly either way. In fact, professionally she is Dr. Maiden-name (she's a pediatric opthamalogist), although she also uses Mrs. Married-name. I don't think any of the scouts even know that she has a different professional name. Her checks are printed with her married name, but she signs those same checks with her maiden name. Usually, I feel that people should be addressed as they wish, but Mrs. Married-name for me and First-name for her seems incorrect.

 

So what the girls in my GS troop call me and my co-leader depends a lot on what their parents have taught them: some use Mrs. Married-name, and some use First-name. In fact, since we have the same first name, I really wish all the girls would use our last names since we always both turn around when our first name is called.

 

When we visited a nursing home and had the girls interview some residents for a badge activity, I made sure to remind the girls that they needed to call the people Mr/Mrs/Miss Last-name, unless explicitly told to do otherwise, because many people from earlier generations would think being addressed with their first name by children was disrespectful.

 

Similar situation in the Cub Scout den in which I am an assistant den leader. The DL and I refer to each other as Mrs. Last-name, but if the boys call us by first name, we let it slide. I think that the boys who use our first names are doing so because when their parents are talking about other adults, they refer to them by first name, and they have not taught their children to use titles for adults other than their school teachers.

 

But I guess the two of us den leaders have chosen not to "fight that battle" since there are other issues we feel more strongly about. And I don't remember ever seeing the requirement of particular modes of address for scout leaders in the BSA materials, otherwise I'd probably try harder to enforce the use of titles and last name. We are already insisting on following other rules more strictly than some of the parents think we should. For example, there is a parent who doesn't believe that anyone should "force" his child to do anything he doesn't want to, so the fact that we push the boys to wear their uniform shirts *tucked in* along with neckerchiefs is already something I think he doesn't believe in. His son often attends den meetings without his uniform. Rather than argue with him about it, we have chosen to implement a point count system and will reward boys who always wear their uniform properly with a "uniform inspection" patch for their brag vests at the end of the year. We've announced this system and so far the father hasn't objected. If he did, I think I would show him the uniform standards in the official BSA materials and point out that we are already relaxing the standards by not requiring official pants, belt, and socks.

[queenj]

No they do not. Our boys either use Mr/Ms Adult or Akela Adult.

[BrentAllen]

We are definitely Mr. & Mrs. (Lastname). When any of our boys are speaking with me or to another adult within ear shot of me, they will use "yes sir" and "no sir" or "mam". If they don't, I correct them until they do.

I was instructing the Webelos at our Cub Aquatics Day and had one boy from another unit who kept turning his back to me. After requesting him to face forward several times, I finally saw he was reading a book (and it wasn't his Webelos book). I let him know that was not respectful, and that if he wanted to continue with the group, he needed to put the book away and pay attention. He responded "o.k." I said "Yes sir?" He said "Yes" and I again replied "Yes sir?" He finally caught on and replied "Yes sir."

Yes, respect must be earned - by the adult AND by the Scout. An adult earns the right of respect by his age - unless he loses it. (It's pretty hard for someone you just met to "earn" your respect)

One way a Scout earns respect is by showing respect to his volunteer leaders and adults in general (respecting elders).

We are supposed to be preparing these boys for the future. I don't think we do the Scouts any favors allowing them to call us by our first names. Imagine when they are older and start looking for a job - they have an interview in the business world with a Mr. Bob Smith. If they address him as Bob, instead of Mr. Smith, they have most likely just lost the job.

The boys have plenty of buddies. They don't need more buddies, they need leaders. We are there to be their leaders.

[Pint]

We use first names, which is the same as when i was a Scout, where all the leaders were known on first name terms.

A lot of the other Scout troops nearby use first names, or 'Skip' for the Scout leader.

As for the cub section, most use 'Akela' for the cub leader, and other jungle book names for other leaders, some use first names.

 

[Akela in NY]

I too have a rather long last name (Riesenberger, pronounced: reason burger) and remember having to learn adults last names when I was a kid. I think that we are not asking too much of our scouts to learn our last names. And most importantly it provides a nice distance barrier in our relationship that can sometimes be misconstrued as too friendly between a scout and his leader.

 

Thanks, Rodd

[llukehart]

When I joined the Troop 3 years ago the standard was (and still is) Mr./Mrs. from Scouts to adults and adult to adult in front of the Scouts. I picked up on how much better the boys behaved, and still being active in the Pack, took to calling all of the Pack Leaders Mr./Mrs. in front of the boys. Without requiring it, all of the other adults caught on and it has had a positive impact on discipline in the Pack. I believe most of the Cub Scouts were using Mr. and Mrs., but the adults using formal addresses between each other had an extra, positive impact.

 

[Rooster7]

BrentAllen,

 

I absolutely agree with your post. Too often - parents, teachers, and other adults try to become a peer to children - it's not the right way to go. That's not to say we cannot be friendly, but there's a line that adults should not cross - and there's a line that a boy should not cross.

[Trevorum]

This is one of those welcome Issues on which Rooster and I agree. To the troop, I am "Mr. T."

 

However, the grey area (here Rooster is shaking his head, saying, "There you go again!";)) is the older boys. I don't insist on formality from the 18+ year old Venturers.