Spouse thinks scout leaders are geeks

[fleetfootedfox]

I was reading another topic that talked about the perceptions of the uniforms being geeky etc., and thought I'd start another related topic, because my problem is not so much the kids. My problem is that my wife and other adults think the uniforms (and patches, etc.) are geeky and so are a lot of the leaders.

 

In fact, there is a perception among some of these parents that the "smarter and more athletic boys quit Scouting around 5th grade". This is a direct quote from an elementary school teacher whose son dropped out after Cub Scouts.

 

My wife thinks that I'm reliving my childhood, and she is increasingly embarrassed by it. Unfortunately, the more time I spend on scouting (going to wood badge, etc.), the more she is convinced that her perception is correct. (After wood badge I started wearing the full uniform more and have spent a lot of time working my ticket.)

 

Also, it doesn't help that our cubmaster is truly a nerd and also has a tendancy to say things that tick off parents. Since I am his assistant everything he says or does seems to transfer onto me as well.

 

My wife is very sensitive about what other people think (and of course she isn't alone in that). Being a computer professional myself (and a person who grew up playing in the orchestra, which was considered by the kids to be even more nerdy than the band), I got past that a long time ago. I don't care if people think I am a nerd or think the uniforms are geeky, but I don't know how to handle this with my wife.

 

Also, my wife is more into sports than I am (the opposite of most couples, of course), so she would rather her son hang out with the "cool" athletic kids. I want the kids to do sports too, but I don't want them to be shallow and only be friends with "cool kids"! (One of my wife's friends dumped her over a disagreement regarding kids sports. That's exactly the kind of shallow person I don't want my kids to be like.)

 

I can certainly see now why so many Dads don't want to be involved until the Boy Scout level. Cub Scouts is more work, so it takes away from other family activities (and the spouses naturally complain), plus there's this image problem.

 

Maybe I should be writing this to Dear Abby instead, but I figured other people might have similar situations. I don't expect any easy solutions, but misery loves company.

 

Thanks.

[gwd-scouter]

Fleetfootedfox:

 

I am so sorry your wife is so negative about you and your son's involvement with Scouting.

 

I wonder how her thoughts are affecting your son in the program - if she thinks you are a geek, does she think her son is a geek too - and does he know she feels that way?

 

I can't believe anyone would think that the "smarter and more athletic boys" quit Scouting after 5th grade. What nonsense. My troop is filled boys, ages 11-17, who are smart (some gifted) and highly involved in all levels of sports - football, soccer, basketball, etc. etc.

 

 

 

[Hunt]

"In fact, there is a perception among some of these parents that the "smarter and more athletic boys quit Scouting around 5th grade". This is a direct quote from an elementary school teacher whose son dropped out after Cub Scouts."

 

What a sour grapes comment!

I have a couple of suggestions--first, put your uniform in a garment bag and change into it after you leave the house. If your wife doesn't like to see you in it, why aggravate her? Second, emphasize the elements of scouting that nobody could call geeky--the emphasis on the outdoors and the building of leadership qualities. Third, ask yourself whether your wife is really complaining that you are putting too much time into Scouting that you were formerly putting into family activities. If this is the case, she may have a valid concern.

[molscouter]

Since she's into sports, ask her what Hank Aaron, Bill Bradley, Merlin Olson (Hall of Famers all), and Bruce Jenner (Olympic Decathlon Gold Medalist) have in common, Then throw in Neil Armstrong, Gerald Ford (played football at Michigan in his college days before becoming noted in another field). Oh, and I sure wish I had invested a few thousand dollars with that Harvard computer nerd a couple of decades ago, what was his name? Oh yeah, Bill Gates.

[scoutldr]

I'm a geek and proud of it! Who cares what others think? My brothers-in-law have no other life but sports. When there's a football game or NASCAR race on TV, nothing else matters and nothing will interfere. If they have to come to my house for a family gathering, one of them will commandeer the remote and put the race or the game on, regardless of what others may want. I find this rude and boorish. Their sons do nothing but sports. What will they do when they realize they won't make the varsity and go on to the NFL? Watch it on TV and drink beer like their dads? Sad.

 

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against sports at the youth level. Everyone should play if they've got a mind to. But everyone should also learn to play an instrument, build a fire, do CPR, enjoy a play, treat women with respect, and take care of younger children and animals. Sounds like Scouting to me.

[SemperParatus]

Sounds like you and your wife have a whole lot to talk about. Good luck.

 

 

[CA_Scouter]

Ditto Semper. Lots and lots to talk about ( unless being a supportive and cooperative spouse is too nerdy for her ).

 

Let's see, of my scouts...

 

1. 2nd place in the 2005 World Jet Ski championships last month, working on his Eagle project

 

2. Two top level snowboarders, both working on Life.

 

3. Starter Freshman Basketball, working on Life

 

4. Several football players

5. Even more baseball players, couple on All-Star Teams

6. Soccer, need I say more?

 

in a small troup of 19 scouts

 

Yea, bunch-a-nerds.

 

 

But I say let's try to fit in anyway. This week, I'm going to recommend that the scouts all shave their heads, grow goatees, and get tatooed. :-)

 

 

 

[kenk]

I'll take your Hank Aaron, Bill Bradley, Merlin Olson, Bruce Jenner, Neil Armstrong, Gerald Ford and Bill Gates, ....

 

And raise you:

 

Bill Alexander, U.S. Representative from Arkansas (Eagle Scout)

Gary Anderson, U.S. Representative from New York (Eagle Scout)

Charles Bennett, U.S. Representative from Florida (Eagle Scout)

William Bennett, Former Secretary of Education (Eagle Scout)

(Eagle Scout)

James Brady, Former Press Secretary to President Reagan (Eagle Scout)

Milton Caniff, Comic Strip Artist "Steve Canyon" (Eagle Scout)

Bill Clinton, U.S. President (Cub Scout)

Walter Cronkite - Journalist, T.V. commentator

Willaim Dannemeyer, U.S. Representative from California (Eagle Scout)

William C. DeVries, M.D., Transplanted first artificial heart (Eagle Scout)

Daniel J. Evans, Former US Senator and Governor from the state of Washington (Eagle Scout)

Harrison Ford, Actor (Life Scout)

Murphy J. "Mike" Foster, Governor of Louisiana (Eagle Scout)

Richard Gere - Actor

David Hartman, Actor (Life Scout)

John F. Kennedy, U.S. President (Star Scout)

Gary Locke, Governor of Washington State (Eagle Scout)

James Lovell - Astronaut (Eagle Scout)

Richard Lugar, U.S. Senator from Indiana (Eagle Scout)

J. Willard Marriott, Jr., President, Marriott Corporation (Eagle Scout)

Branford Marsalis, Jazz musician (Life Scout)

William McCool, Space Shuttle Columbia Pilot (Eagle Scout)

Jim Morrison - Rock Legend (Boy Scout)

Sam Nunn, U.S. Senator from Georgia (Eagle Scout)

Ellison Onizuka, Challenger Astronaut (Eagle Scout)

H. Ross Perot, Self Made Billionaire and Presidential Candidate (Eagle Scout)

J.J. Pickle, U.S. Representative from Texas (Eagle Scout)

Samuel Pierce, Former Secreatry of Housing & Urban Development (Eagle Scout)

Eddie Rabbitt, Country/Western singer (Boy Scout)

John Ritter, Actor

Richard Roundtree, Actor (Boy Scout)

Nolan Ryan, Pro Baseball Player

Alberto Salazar, 3-time winner, NYC Marathon (Life Scout)

Harrison Salisbury, Pulizer Prize winning Author (Eagle Scout)

John Schneider, Actor/Singer (Cub Scout)

Willaim Sessions, Former FBI Director (Eagle Scout)

Howard K. Smith, Former ABC-TV commentator (Boy Scout)

Steven Spielberg, Film Director/Producer (Eagle Scout)

Mark Spitz - Olympic Gold Medal Swimmer (Cub Scout)

James Stewart - Actor (Boy Scout)

Wallace Stegner, Pulitzer Prize winning Author (Eagle Scout)

James Stewart, Actor

George Strait - Country/Western Singer (Cub Scout)

Percy Sutton, Chairman of CBS (Eagle Scout)

John Tesh, TV Celebrity (Eagle Scout)

Joe Theisman, Sportscaster, former NFL player (Life Scout)

Peter Ueberroth, Former Commissioner of Baseball (Cub Scout)

Paul Winfield, Actor (Cub Scout)

 

I also saw a figure somewhere that said of something like 300 astronauts, 200 were involved in Scouting at one time in their lives.

 

Scouting made my father great, it made me better than I would have been, and I have very high hopes for what it will do for my son and daughter. I never dated a cheerleader, but I found the women of my dreams.

 

Scouting teaches boys how to show respect for themselves and others, how to lead, how to tie knots that work, how to handle knives and axes, how to identify poisonous plants, how to build and cook on fires, how to show respect to the country's flag, how to show reverence to God, how to navigate with just a map and compass, how to camp outdoors and feed themselves, how to hike for miles and miles safely and comfortably, how to provide first aid to those in need, how to build big cool structures out of logs and rope, and how to donate services to their community. What is nerdy about any of this?

 

Football players learn how to carry a little funny-shaped ball something less than 300 feet on a grassy field. Baseball players, well, play catch and hit balls with a stick - and spit. Yes, it can be fun to watch, but are these real life-long lessons?

 

Scouting makes the kind of men that a mother wishes her son would be and hopes that her daughter will marry. After all, Fleetfootedfox's wife married a Boy Scout.

 

I think Mrs. Fleetfootedfox needs to get past the uniforms and become more involved with her son's troop - and Boy Scouts - so she can see how wonderful a program it is.

[scoutingagain]

Be kind to nerds, you may work for one someday, and there's a better than even chance that nerd was once a scout.

 

In addition to the other's comments you might want to ask your wife and her friends why the military academies place such high importance on a scouting background. I always like FOG's comment about Why don't we ever read about a (insert sport) star saving someone's life, or building a community service project?

 

Like other units we have football players, wrestlers, band members, drama club members, etc. We have skiers, snowboarders, hunters and wildlife enthusiasts. In fact, in many cases, outside of scouting many of these boys travel in different social circles but they all have scouting in common. My experience is that scout units are unique social organizations. While they may come from different backgrounds and have different interests outside scouting, after a few years of hiking, camping, and participating in a high adventure trip or two together the scouts become close friends. Sure, the football player may not sit with the drama club member in the high school cafeteria, but he had no problem having the budding actor belay him while rock climbing this past summer or sharing a tent while backpacking for 5 days.

 

To be honest my wife had a similar impression of scouts when my sons and I first got involved. Her turn around came after attending an Eagle Court of Honor, and walking around our council camp with our son who served as a lead scout. It was his final weekend and she went down to pick him up. Many younger scouts, camp staff and other unit leaders approached him and thanked him for all his help the past week and that they were looking forward to having him back as paid staff the next year. She said she felt like she was walking with a celebrity. Needless to say she has a completely different impression of scouting now.

 

So...my suggestion is to have her attend an Eagle COH.

 

SA

[ScoutNut]

Fleetfootedfox, I am so sorry your wife does not support you, or your son. What a shame.

 

What kinds of community service is she involved in? Does she volunteer her time for anything? Does she have any hobbies? Do you support her in the things she enjoys? If you support her, then you need to sit her down for a talk & insist she show you & your son the same kind of respect.

 

I must say, you have some very immature people in your area. My kids know I'm nuts, & tell me that often, but they also know they are the people they are today because of the fact that I'm a nut & supported them & was a presense in everything they did. Volunteering with their school, church, Scouts, & sports, I have discovered that it is usually the same group of folks, dedicated to their kids, who can be seen volunteering in every area.

 

The next time anyone makes a thoughtless, immature comment, just tell them that you consider your son & yourself to be in great company & whip out the list of Scouts above!

[cubbingcarol]

Seeing my husband in his uniform

makes me hot...

Seeing my father-in-law in one

I think not!

Wearing my own uniform

I'll say out loud

That my son in one

makes me proud!

 

Carol

[SemperParatus]

"Seeing my husband in his uniform

makes me hot..."

 

Does that hold true with the knee-high socks?

 

[cubbingcarol]

They get me as giddy

as a Christmas box!

[Backpacker]

To those unfamiliar with scouting I can see where a vision of a 30-50 year old man running around in shorts and knee high socks and a uniform shirt with myriads of badges on it might be a disturbing site to these people as well as appear to be geeky, especially if they are 50 or more pounds overweight.Sometimes even I am disturbed by the sight, lol.

 

Scouting is not and has not been in the forefront of our culture like it used to be, and there are those adults who do relive their childhood since they were not in scouts as kids.We need to show the positive impact scouting has on the kids and society as a whole. There are adult geeks in every youth organization in exsistence . There are also those who do not know how to balance their time between family and scouts and those leaders do deserve the wrath of their spouses. Scouting is an avocation, but was never intended to dominate your daily life. Scout leaders who run around in uniform every chance they get other than for scout functions do deserve the title of scouting geek.

[fleetfootedfox]

Thanks for all the comments. I especially like the list of famous scouts.

 

Unfortunately, our pack has had some dads who were scouts themselves but still are not all that supportive of the program.

 

One dad who was an Eagle Scout says he only stuck with it because his parents wanted him to. He goes on the camp-outs but lets his wife do everything else.

 

Then there is another dad whose boy recently quit to spend more time on sports. I can respect that decision, but I think it's funny that after that I found out his dad was also an eagle scout, although neither of his parents ever helped in the pack. No wonder his kid quit. When he plays basketball or soccer, his dad is always there helping out.

 

Yet another Eagle Scout dad that was in our pack said that he didn't want to help at the cub level. He started wearing his uniform shirt just before his boy transitioned over to boy scouts, but he never helped with the pack (except at pinewood derby).

 

Unfortunately, these people have had an impact on how my wife views scouting also. My wife doesn't know Gerald Ford, but she does know these guys.